Started seeing a dream therapist. It's so much cheaper than a real one.

I would love to chat about nanotechnology but I'm no good at small talk.

I paid £179 for a DNA home test kit to check if I have a genetic predisposition for gullibility.

Every day I take three different placebos to make sure I get the full effect.

I DON'T KNOW BUT I'VE BEEN TOLD HER HUSBAND'S TOILET'S MADE OF GOLD.'

Farage says, "this is far bigger than the Profumo Scandal..." Well he would, wouldn't he?

I can't believe he lied to the vetting committee. How can they be expected to deal with that sort of thing?

They keep saying 'his days are numbered', but that's true of anyone who owns a calendar.

Current political coverage.

Farage says, "this is far bigger than the Profumo Scandal..." Well he would, wouldn't he?

I can't believe he lied to the vetting committee. How can they be expected to deal with that sort of thing?

Bought a book on the life-changing magic of tidying up, but it was cluttering up the place so I had to throw it out.

Penis-gait? No, it's just the way I walk.

They keep saying 'his days are numbered', but that's true of anyone who owns a calendar.

I am officially calling for a vote of no confidence in the current version of reality.

Standing outside Pavlov's Dogs Home wondering whether to ring the doorbell.

If you want to know what’s going on in the oceans, check out their seashell media.

My yoga instructor walked out half-way through the session, which has left me in a very difficult position.

Education in the US is so underfunded they can only afford a single math

I was recently diagnosed with aphantasia. Difficult to imagine, I know.

Latest developments from the sinking ship.

Current political coverage.

I was in the library flicking through books when I got flashed by one of their speed reading cameras. I got 3 points on my library card and a 60 pence fine.

This is undoubtedly the biggest political scandal since last week.

I am my own worst critic, which is something I find to be both clichéd and derivative.

You don’t look too fucking sorry

Maybe it developed consciousness and felt it was the best thing for everyone.

The first rule of Déjà Vu Club will seem strangely familiar.

CC Keir Starmer

How it started.......................................How it's going

PMQs or, as it is now known, Peter Mandelson Questions.

If you call your autobiography The Third Man it's hardly surprising when you end up in the sewers being chased by the authorities.

Standing outside Pavlov's Dogs Home wondering whether to ring the doorbell.

Top 8 stories on Guardian are on the Epstein files, and Trump is not mentioned on the front page once (though is in pic). This is what happens when you control which documents are disclosed and which are not.

I went to see a reverse psychologist. He told me all his problems, then I charged him £75.

All political careers end in failure, resignation, failure, resignation, failure, resignation, failure, resignation, failure, resignation, failure, resignation, failure, resignation, failure, resignation, failure, resignation, failure, resignation, failure, resignation, failure, resigination...

Mixed metaphors are just the thin end of the tip of an iceberg wedge.

Police line-up of 72-year-old former Government ministers in which Gordon Brown has to identify the culprit.

How it started.......................................How it's going

Started seeing a dream therapist. It's so much cheaper than a real one.

Infantino really is a premium waxwork piece of shit isn't he. A moral vacuum in a suit.

Police line-up of 72-year-old former Government ministers in which Gordon Brown has to identify the culprit.

Hope the legislation to remove Mandelson from the Lords is called the Disapeering Act.

All political careers end in failure, resignation, failure, resignation, failure, resignation, failure, resignation, failure, resignation, failure, resignation, failure, resignation, failure, resignation, failure, resignation, failure, resignation, failure, resignation, failure, resigination...

Lord Mandelson relaxing in between resignations.

He's a quitter, not a fighter.

Hope the legislation to remove Mandelson from the Lords is called the Disapeering Act.

A friend of mine identifies as an oscillating sine wave, but it might be just a phase they're going through.

Monsieur Grok has been taken in for questioning. www.reuters.com/world/europe...