My lawn is full of dog poop, yet I do not have a dog.

Nerds are literally ruining the world

Chocobos are Anicinape? They say Kweh

fucken techbros watched that one episode of tng where they tried to disassemble data for study and think if we define an llm as conscious we can't shut it off. man we kill conscious beings every day on this stupid planet. unlike say, 70k gazans, terminating claude would actually benefit humanity.

Oh no My daughters love soju a bit too much

Here's a bumper sticker I saw... #peepee #poopoo

i just took a deep breath and got charged 20 bucks

do folks from outside north america ever just stop and go like "what the fuck is a wolverine?"

All I want is to burn a dozen logs of maple wood in the fireplace while looking at the darkness outside

I think most our data is not significant and should be deleted. We used to forget things happened, now some server in a remote part of Wyoming remembers that I bought a pack of gum on January 7

sorry no I can not turn my camera on for this zoom meeting because I am the reincarnation of narcissus and if i see my own visage I will become consumed with it and stare obsessively at my own face until I die

commercial just said to me "this isnt just another paddle, this is a ~revolution~ in pickle ball ~technology~"

Reproductive justice is about more than birth control and abortion rights. For white women, it has always been about the freedom FROM having children. For Black and Indigenous women, a major part of the historical and ongoing struggle is the freedom TO have children, and to raise them.

me: if i had kids, i’d be such a helicopter mom you: you DO have kids me: WHAT

I have no business being so enlightened and wonderful

windows 13 will not be an operating system it will be a curse that must be lifted

I'm sorry but I don't think we can logically argue with people who think bombing Iran will bring back Jesus And I don't know what to do about it from this 3½ flat in Montreal, Qc

I think movie directors should just grab random people from the street to act in their movies, for immersion and to stop seeing these same tired botox-and-filler faces that keep giving moviegoers some sort of parasocial psychosis.

Need to run a series of experiments on chimps to see how many bananas it takes to turn them into a pedo

i was a child of the 80s and sibling rivalry didn't exist in our house because we all got punished equally no matter who fucked up

I can fix her ... but do I want to?

The irony of the US and Israel calling any other nation "an existential threat."

So my ex (mother of my kids) invited me to Portugal in September Am I in danger?

there should be a numerical determination of "severalteen" for estimates between 10 and 20. sorry if that's too political or controversial

A sufficiently dedicated poster could have a lot of fun today by arguing for breaking two-party rule in the US by voting for the Green Party and then pointing to UK election results when pressed

The human mind is amazing. It can create a person, a whole history with them, a future. It can make you feel loved. It’s also the same piece of equipment that makes you fart in the tub and then laugh. So, you know. Take the compliments with a grain of salt.

self care idea: run after that raccoon and ask him to befriend you

Everyone has a different dire and urgent thing that "the opposition should focus on" regarding US politics and it's not reassuring for that country

People are making reels of themselves looking smug behind the most generic caption boasting the least surprising opinion ever while some hyperpop song plays in the background. "Believe it or not but some of us eat apples". This is broadcast worldwide. Absolute decadence.

caveman: ugg caveman therapist: (nodding) ugg caveman: *starts crying*

Some of the most awkward moments in life are when you need to put something down, but must move something else to do that, you move the other thing, only for a third thing to fall into the space for the thing to be put down upon

Quite rare to see a chart that says quite so overtly that no one involved has the slightest clue what’s happening here

Body going left and right with leftover hormones tonight, I see

if you see me eating shredded cheese out of the bag at my desk just remember it costs $0 to mind your own business

screaming LIVE MÁS at anyone who looks bored

It’s ok if you don’t like my posts, I’ll be here all week.

The way the HR dept writes their titles makes them read like the worst kind of spam mails

"I'm still punk" I whisper as an amalgam of "it's humpday" and "don't talk to me before my 3rd coffee" floats around in my foggy brain and I chuckle aloud "hehe I'm spill tunk"

“i’m still punk” i whisper to myself as i write “i’m still punk” on bsky dot app

I watched Another Round with Mads Mikkelsen and the way they drank made me feel like alcohol was an illegal narcotic somehow.

Being out of sync from all society has its advantages and drawbacks. For example I called for an alignment on my car and they said "Sure we have room right this afternoon, at 13:30" but then I realized that it means I have to get dressed today and I wanted to stay in bed and mope.

I'm a simple man, I only want the head of my enemies on a pike. First things first; make enemies.

I know it's a "haha made you look" but I've just seen a video of someone closing their curtains. Nothing else. What the fuck is happening? Why is this published? What's going on?

I load a dish washing machine the same way I load a sex partner; with my dick.

You make a typo typing your bank's website and end up on the blog of a kpop artist who left their band in 2022 to pursue a career as a prophet for a new polytheistic cult involving 90s Trolls figurines and the Smurfs. They are at war. The cult doesn't know which side is evil.

they need to ban email (taking ecstasy and reading the mail)

[octopus mom when octopus child is misbehaving] i am going to count to EIGHT

Anytime I need to get up early, I can't sleep won't sleep... it's annoying

Everything human has become an industry that talks too much

"Professor White Boy " has perished. They found him self harmed at the bottom of an elevator shaft. Thanks for the fucking smiles, Professor