PLEASE SOMEONE DRAW THIS

Oh I know them!! 💘💘💘

Heads up Minnesotans

It is again time to post the real tree my dad put up in the late 80s

I'm your dad today. Love you, I'm proud of you, and if anyone tries stopping you from being your most authentic, happiest self, I will destroy them. Merry Christmas.

In case of racist uncles or dead moms or someone saying "only two genders" or your gifts didn't arrive on time or you have a tummy ache or this day is just awkward and you wish it was over: Arlo loves you as you are. You can be okay anyway and it's okay to not be okay. Happy Thursday!

In the spirit of giving, I’m offering ass kickings to anyone who’d like one.

shoutout to the fellow dads out there waiting to save christmas by loaning your pocket knife to a kid struggling to open a present

Shout out to the Single Mamas, baby. Miracle workers, the lot of you. 💗🔥

Know a guy who almost lost a foot and it all started with a dropped PLASTIC FORK

Everyone should get like one day to live like they're in a perfume ad, just to get it out of our systems

It was a year of quiet triumphs for me. I am worried and a little jealous of some of you, though.

Pluribussy Is this anything?

could all the couples who film fake skits and post them online get raptured already thx

Sometimes laying in bed at not the usual laying in bed time does feel subversive and sublime. Esp when this year has been 18 months long!

If you’re going home to folks who want to talk diets all through the holidays, this one’s for you. 💊

The Pill! Yes yes yes so good

Yeah I like NCIS Nine Cookies In Sixty seconds

on the tramway in Nantes and a pretty old woman gave her seat to a very old woman so I gave my seat to the pretty old woman then a man gave me his seat then a teenager gave a man his seat and then we all laughed, aren't people fantastic

WATCH: Here's the segment CBS News pulled from "60 Minutes" last night

🎵 oh I wanna fight with somebody I wanna start some SHIT with somebody 🎵

timeline cleanse: franky watches the garbage truck pick up the trash this morning

Over 91% of Clients in the Ryan White HIV/AIDS Program Reach Undetectable Status www.poz.com/article/91-c...

I know I’m cute and funny. I know somebody want me - Gisele Caroline Bündchen

Tag yourself, I’m approximately the word “back”

big W for jury trials as a concept

this is the greatest feeling, when the cord box proves its utility to a family member

do you know what it takes to make a star shine? a shit ton of darkness. the light is there if you look for it. keep going.

When it’s rainy and dreary I think about this and become a human rainbow

Stay safe out there y'all

This is not the fault of a public that is becoming increasingly aware of the cultural and environmental costs of AI, but how the AI industrial complex has so thoroughly poisoned the space of machine learning and "AI" that the very moves these projects make to survive bring them under scrutiny.

I am a rich tapestry of dysfunction.

If nobody’s told you today, let me🙋‍♀️ ✨✨YOU’RE VERY CUTE ✨✨

Become ungovernable

Christmas party on a Tuesday night. Helpppppppppoooooo

never give up your alone time bc that’s when you get to be really disgusting

One of the biggest moments of my career: USCIS canceled my client’s naturalization oath ceremony. We filed a lawsuit, went to trial, and the judge swore him in right there in the courtroom!

i wanna be put in airplane mode

Stages of holiday shopping 1. Plenty of time 2. Gifts for myself 3. Oh no

Think I have job poisoning

I don’t deserve to but I understand this reference 🏆

Joan Jett throwing gas??!!?!!

Am i existentially horrified or am I hungry

I know this is supposed to be the Jaws theme, but I can’t stop seeing it as some sort of shark-based Law & Order spin-off.

Phenomenal photos. Photojournalists are amazing people.

A+ work here from Penn's student paper.

Science has gone too far this time