Fuck everything I’m rewatching Schitt$ Creek until morale improves

This motherfucker

My body is my temple. This temple:

So wait, I have to clean my vacuum after I clean? I vacuum then I have to empty it, wash filters, etc. WHERE DOES THIS CYCLE END?!

Some words you have to experience before you truly understand the definition. Bereft is that word for me today.

What’s on the Spartans free fan shirts - is it Jizz Zone? Can’t be, right? But it’s a “white out” Please let me have this…

This beautiful beast full on stole my blanket with zero remorse - clawed it onto her bed and proceeded to hassle her stuffie

Age verification? *slides out a Blockbuster card from behind your ear with a wink and a grin*

Not shaved, not natural, but a secret third thing (crop circles)

ref points to the spot, it’s a penalty. by Titian

He plowed the driveway, then I plowed him. Who got the better deal?!

Mayonnaise is basically sandwich lotion.

Today self care looks like taking pics of birds in snow and making soup

When Fahrenheit and Celsius merge ITS FUCKING COLD YALL

'Barbershop,' was most likely painted in 1946 when Adrian Heath was living in the South of France.  He had taught Terry Frost when they were both imprisoned during WW2 and later advised him to move to St Ives in 1946. Both artists later turned to painting in full abstract.

I propose a toast. Sourdough. With butter.

Two friends who waited a long time to see each other 😍💞 The Joy and Excitement 😍 #FridayFeelings

Sex is cool, but have you ever rewound a show the exact amount you wanted to rewind it?

She’s a 10 but she speaks in Celsius.

This is most definitely a cat #CorgiCrew

Just casually doing my dishes while screaming into the void

wish we could be snowed in together, snuggled up and fcking like bunnies ˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶

*phone rings* fuck it, im bored. whatup spam risk?

them: this isn’t who we are me:

smoking speed at the weed of light

*wraps crime scene tape around america*

Today's vibe is seamonster.

If you murder him for nutting in your face without asking, that’s jizztifiable homicide.

I love when I get blocked after posting a selfie. Like, sorry about my face, I guess?

This is my emotional support jar of peanut butter

fair warning I yell timber at a certain point during the sex

I’ve been cooking amazing food, ask @gt73.bsky.social because I keep forgetting to document it

Happy Squirrel Appreciation Day to all who celebrate.

But does he even CrossFit train your pussy?!

Imagine sex with me... No. More high-fiving

Me: Don’t let me drown Him: I gotchu Me: *walks into stand up shower* Him: Are you drowning? Me: That’s not how this works…

Truly under attack even from the thing I love most

I just discovered that you can buy anyone if the price is right, and it turns out that I'm available for a bacon sandwich and a quarter bottle of rubbing alcohol.

It’s a cold and it’s a broken hollaback girl

For fun, DM "can I be honest with you..." and then walk away for 2 hours.

Oh! Were you flirting? I'm so sorry! Try again, Please, I'm sorry, oh God, don't cry...

I just moved into a Marie condo. I get home and all my shit is in the dumpster.

Let’s turn this housing pigeon into a homing pigeon.

more boobs less facism

[me having a heart attack] I probably just need to drink more water.

Might go dissappear into a dark dewy forest and crochet lingerie in a quaint little cottage