Your poems are shit, and so are your stunts. You shout at hotels, you wife-beating cunts.

I feel sorry for the poorly fitters at KwikFit Apparently you can’t get better….

Four cats; Rolo, Barney, Sophie and Annie and Ria the sheepdog, enjoying the sunshine from inside on a cold day.

Packing an order. Think I’m close to 80 subscribers now. I plan to get to 100! www.infinitebacon.com/printclub

@tokyosexwhale.bsky.social This is an awesome T-shirt sexwhale

Yesterday I bought 6 medium eggs Not one of them could give anything close to a vision of the future Rip off Britain strikes again!

And here’s my 2026 festival list so far. 14 Feb: Stage4Beverley 12 Mar: Words on the Water, Keswick 28 Apr: Guernsey Lit Fest 30 Apr: Wrexham Carnival of Words 1 May: Tunbridge Wells Lit Fest 2 May: Dorchester-on-Thames Fest 9 May: Filey Lit Fest 3 Jun: Leek Arts Fest brianbilston.com/events/

Remember when Gary Lineker, who as far as I know pays tax in the UK, was told to stick to football?

During a recording of Are You Being Served?, Nicholas Smith (Mr Rumbold) made a small mistake. Director Bob Spiers was displeased. He spoke to the floor manager on the talkback. "That was awful. Tell Nick he's a cunt." The FM paraphrased diplomatically. "Bob's asking us to do that again, Nick."

Here's Ria from last night, toasting herself in front of the fire with Sophie, the little tabby cat, at her side. Sophie looks even tinier than usual next to Ria. ❤️

It's a cold, wet day here and Ria's decided to stay indoors. Not even her favourite ball can tempt her outside. ❤️

MY BIG CLEAR OUT! Here are 3 shelves of my books in A-Z order by author. You can have any 2 for £10 (free P+P). Please share (and buy). UK only.

@biggreenbooks.bsky.social Hi Simon, I was enthralled by "Waiting for the Out" on BBC1 recently and would like to read the book it's based on. Could I order two copies, please? One for me and one for #buyastrangerabookday. It's called "The Life Inside" by Andy West. Many thanks. How's your Mum?

Oh what a COLOSSAL fucking SURPRISE

Morgan McBeeney

Well, "Waiting for the Out", I won't be forgetting you in a hurry.

@visionsofjojo.bsky.social 🎶 It's JoJo's birthday; She's the bees' knees. They're putting up bunting and singing songs of joy and peace. And Jojo's got a river she could skate away on. 🎶 It's normally a sad song but today it's a happy one for a happy birthday girl! Best of wishes, Jo! xxx 🎂🦆🐈‍⬛

Singing 🎶McSweeney🎶 to the theme tune of The Sweeney. I know it's no joking matter, by the way.

Curling but it's a competition to see who's most adept at using heated rollers.

Due to popular demand, my Blep and Floop cats are now on tees. I’m also producing hoodies for the first time, so please bear with me. Get yours with 15% OFF using VAL15 here: www.infinitebacon.com/tshirts

Kagoole, a flask, walk over the field and over a sty heading for the next village... sorry, I'm rambling a bit.

@caughtjester.bsky.social Getting older? A piece of cake! And the nicest ones, your Gill will bake. The trouble is, they look so nice. I always wish I had a slice! Your puns bring smiles, your pictures, too. Hope this birthday's a special one for you. Very best wishes, Bruce! 🎂🎉🎈

Mandelsoff.

Iambic a Believer #ShakespeareMonkees

All’s Well That Dolenz Well #shakespearemonkees

Look Out (Here Comes Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow) #shakespearemonkees

Last Quatrain To Clarksville #ShakespeareMonkees

We are such stuff as Daydream Believers are made on and our little life is ended by a Sleepy Jean #ShakespeareMonkees

@panny.bsky.social Happy birthday, Lovely Pan. I wish, for you, it brings a nap, a bath, some other treats and a set of guitar strings. Have a day as nice as you are, Panny! xxx 😴🛁🎸🎂

Could today be the day when I have my second number one book*? (*number one on the Music Kindle chart, that is) #IntoTheGroove

Chapped Roan, more like. She'll catch her death, going out like that.

Mrs W (and me) are doing some walking in February to help raise money for Cats Protection. Any donation would be welcome, however small. www.justgiving.com/page/lorrain...

Original 🎧

Meanwhile in Leeds

@jimllmixit.bsky.social How are things with you these days, Jim? I've been looking out for your posts but didn't like to mither.

You can keep all your hard drugs; my winter addiction is swede mash.

@dantebanks.bsky.social Here's Muffin, who died in 2018 and is still very much missed. She has a look of your Mia, I think.

#Caturday #Saturday

Tyga is an adorable boy who came into our care as a stray. He can be tricky with dogs but when he's in the company of humans, he is lovely and very cuddly. He's a lurcher at heart and loves to run around and play in our paddock. More: shorturl.at/7FJtS #rescuedogs #northwales #northwestengland

Selling this lot if anyone wants anything. Bundles preferred for quick sale. UK buyers only please @tfsalesposts.bsky.social

Doing a double shift on @noiseboxradio.com today. Have just finished #RollerSkatingJam and will be back at 9pm with #FFSLive. In honour of the passing of Sir Terry Wogan 10 years ago today, the theme is songs recorded by people best known for something else. Also, anything to do with Wogan.

Quick, boring update about my autumn tour: Oxford in October has now sold out. Bristol, Bury St Edmonds, Exeter, Colchester, Corsham, Helmsley, Deal and Stroud are being particularly perky. The full list of where I’ll be - and when is here: brianbilston.com/events/

Farm shop cat #CatsofBluesky

‘Watching The Office recently, my heart just sank’ – Mackenzie Crook on comedy, cruelty and being TV royalty

I won’t ever put my PayPal details in a post. Please be careful of scamming bastards.

He gave her a dressing down*. *Needed olive oil and seasoning but you get the idea. www.theguardian.com/us-news/live...

This is an absolutely brilliant idea! Scotland has just made it a legal requirement that all new-built houses include a "swift brick" - a £35 hollow brick that swifts can make a nest in. If you've got a sec, could you click the 38 Degrees petition to extend it to the whole of the UK? Thank you!

Going to take the dog for a walk.