It's 2025. This is a massive failure of the system. Nobody should be dying - or living - on the street. www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

THE SECRET PROJECT I'VE BEEN WORKING ON FOR THE PAST FEW MONTHS IS FINALLY LIVE CHECK IT OUT outsidersartsclub.com

Me: I've a particular set of skills, skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. [spills soup down my front] Dry cleaner: I see

When we see white smoke coming from Macron's ears, we'll know there's a new French PM.

Steve Bruce announced as interim PM of France.

[My first day as a detective] Me: It's one way glass he can't see you. Just point at the killer. Witness: All I can see is our reflection. Me: Ah, ok. Everybody swap rooms.

So those people outside hotels will be moved, too, right?

Ask not what your country can do for you, but ask why the fuck your country keeps doing things *against* you.

We can all agree that the attack on the Synagogue in Manchester was terrorism So why is setting a Mosque alight just 'arson' and a 'hate crime' and also not terrorism?

Overheard in my living room: "I've only sneezed ten times this month." "I'm glad you've got an affordable hobby."

We all know why Nigel Farage is accusing Labour of inciting violence against him while cutting his security. Because if he didn’t, people might remember to ask him who paid for his house in Clacton and why he hangs around with people who take bribes from Russians.

If Pinky and the Brain were a documentary ...

Not nearly enough songs include the lyrics 'piddly pat'.

Damn it! Not Brian Patten. This year just gets shitter and shitter. RIP, genius.

Overheard in my living room: Why have I got so many pictures of Napoleon?

I may be missing something here, but “Peace or else, but we’ll kill you anyway, monetise your extinction, and Tony Blair will oversee the logistics,” doesn’t sound like much of an offer to me.

It would appear, sir, that you have misspelled "built for tosspots."

OH GO ON THEN I've made it for you (I'm not getting paid for this you know…)

ME: hey mr. tambourine man, play a song for me MAN: *tambourine noise* ME: great

Sorry, can't. Someone posted the Tom Holland Lip Sync Battle, and I'm contractually obliged to watch it from start to finish.

New! Cassetteboy vs Keir Starmer. This took absolutely ages, so if you'd like to buy us a coffee at ko-fi.com/cassetteboy we'd really appreciate it. Thanks!

I made an alternative cover for JK Rowling's new book, The Toilet Constable. Coming soon to a bad bookshop near you... Print file can be downloaded from my website: www.spellingmistakescostlives.com/single-post/...

fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck OFF with this bullshit

It's not the Napoleonic sea battle reenactments that count so much as the French ships you make along the way.

As a little thank you to everyone who's backed www.kickstarter.com/projects/dav... so far here's a few of the posters that didn't make the final cut for the calendar starting with Groundhog Day (1957) descriptions in alt text 1/4

The Lost Films of Hollywood 2026 calendar kickstarter is now live! Please consider backing this project so we can make it happen: Contains 13 original pieces by @quantick.bsky.social and myself. www.kickstarter.com/projects/dav...

Dear Americans, there is in fact an excellent reason why we laugh at Nazis with lists

Message to Rachel Reeves - there *is* a difference between a Labour Government and a Conservative Government. The whole point of Labour is to stand up for the downtrodden, so it's very much worse that you don't. #LabourConference

I'd have an easier time believing Rachel Reeves when she says there's a difference between a Labour Government and a Conservative Government if she hadn't done a belter of a Thatcher impression when she said it. #LabourConference

"Tell me, Elon, what was it about the man who controls the most lucrative contracts for all your companies that made you stop saying he's in the Epstein Files?"

This ref wants me to die. Me, personally. #CryLiv

Couldn't get to sleep last night because my brain decided it was of huge importance to write lyrics to the theme tune from Fawlty Towers so here it is… (thanks brain)

Donald Trump ranted about the UN’s escalator and teleprompter breaking down, but it turned out his own team had messed up – 27 hilariously scathing reactions. www.thepoke.com/2025/09/24/t...

'Journalists, stop sanitising Israel's murder of Gazans by calling it a ground offensive against Hamas' challenge. #FreePalestine

what happens in the rapture if you're indoors do you just ascend to the ceiling and then claw your way to a window

Oh no, Leoni! Not our Scouse Italian! #LFC

An important counter narrative to the recent headlines — actual journalism about the daily lives of asylum seekers in the UK www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

BREAKING: Trump government proves link between cretinism and Cuprinol

Believe trans people when we tell you the 'science' behind the Cass Report is as solid as the 'science' behind paracetamol causing autism.

Isn't that how history works?

If you vote for Reform, if you think they have a point, if you are even considering voting for them, you're a racist. No excuses, no exceptions. Fucking sick of it. Own what you are.

'Join us later on BBC News when I'll be thoroughly grilling Ed Davey on the costings of Lib Dem policies, but first here's a slavish acceptance of the latest Reform press release.'

I don't know about the Charlie Kirk discourse, but I'm 100% behind mass firings for people who post the Wordle answer on the day it comes out.

Jennifer Aniston and Berry Gordy should have set up an Ice Cream company, they could have called it Aniston and Gordy’s Fantastic Ice Creams

delighted to announce my new book series, "the ordinary middle aged people with disposable income who turn out to be cleverer than everyone else, including the police, when it comes to crime, despite what you might have heard from their ungrateful offspring". i think there'll be a big market for it.

British Sausages

I’ll be heading to the lovely Bridgewater Hall in Manchester October 26th 3pm to talk with the marvellous Roisin Conaty about my memoir. Tix are £40 which is reasonable as it includes the book. Hope to see you there! 🤗♥️📚🐝