The press are all over Nicola Sturgeon, who was investigated and released without charge. So glad all I did was take £5 million to become an MP, £1m to throw an election, make a couple of dodgy house purchases and lie about Russia hacking my phone.

I deeply resent the implication that I would fiddle my finances. Just because I had to repay €173,000 after being caught funnelling EU funds into my general election campaign, then had my salary docked to recoup €40,000 in misspent EU funds, doesn't mean I'm dishonest.

"Hands up if you're in hiding because you dug yourself into a massive hole by lying about a £5 million gift then pretending Russia hacked your phone"

Idea for a GB News programme - Neil Oliver snogs six ebola patients to prove it's all a hoax.

It will come as a surprise to nobody that our Makerfield candidate Rob Kenyon was a Covid moron. When Chris Whitty urged people to get Covid booster vaccines, Rob said he “can fuck right off”. Proving he's just the sort of ignorant dimwit we need in Parliament.

Today I will mostly be pretending that two juries of twelve people reaching the same conclusion means that the judge is in the government's pocket.

More pearls of wisdom from the nation's favourite unelected gobshite.

It's a question of priorities. Of course I'd like people to have a fair trial, but not if that means I'm not allowed to spout bollocks, lies and misinformation whenever I feel like it.

Kind-hearted Sarah Pochin posted a video with an elderly woman and the caption "helping people like Ethel is why I love my job". The fact that the woman was a notorious benefits cheat who claimed her father’s pension for 12 years after he died is neither here nor there. www.lbc.co.uk/article/refo...

Apart from US geology being completely different to the UK, the CEO of a fracking company saying the UK is completely unsuited to shale gas fracking, anything we do produce being sold on the global market with no impact on prices, Richard Stupid Tice is absolutely spot on.

Our Makerfield candidate Rob Kenyon is very proud that his grandfather fought in World War 2. And I’m sure his grandfather would be very proud that Rob has become one of the people he spent the War fighting against.

How Reform want people to see Rob Kenyon v how everyone actually sees him.

It’s not reasonable to expect us to be able to control every single one of our… er… eight MPs. But we’ll be fine if you let us run the entire country.

It’s not reasonable to expect us to be able to control every single one of our… er… eight MPs. But we’ll be fine if you let us run the entire country.

The search for the former Chairman of Reform, David Bull, enters its eighth day.

The best thing about my Russian hack story is that how the Guardian found out about the £5 million is completely irrelevant. But now people are talking about that instead of why I was given it, why I tried to hide it and whether I bought houses with it. 😉

The Guardian says that the National Cyber Security Centre is not aware of any report from me about my phone being hacked by Russians. It's absolutely infuriating how these 'journalists' keep checking for facts and evidence! Why can't they just take my word for it like GB News?

It looks like the time I spent with our Makerfield candidate Rob Kenyon is paying off. He has clearly learned a lot from me, such as refusing to give any media interviews and running away from journalists who want to ask questions about his dodgy behaviour.

"I was once so desperate to find a distraction that I said my phone had been hacked by the Russians"

"I was once so desperate to find a distraction that I said my phone had been hacked by the Russians"

80% of Reform's funding comes from people who avoid tax by hiding money offshore. Our idea of true patriotism is to hoard money while contributing nothing towards public services. Just ask Richard Tice.

Many thanks to Laura Kuenssberg for not asking Robert Jenrick about my £5 million gift or dodgy house purchases and for not interrupting him while he spread our propaganda.

Laura Kuenssberg wanted to ask questions about me being in the pocket of a billionaire and our candidate being a misogynist. So naturally I sent Robert Jenrick, the man who intervened to save a billionaire pornographer £45m in exchange for a £12,000 donation.

"I said it's quite bold of Nigel Farage to avoid all media interviews during an important by-election. What did I say Roy?" "You said the cowardly little shit's in hiding because of his dodgy financial dealings"

Turns out I have a £9,400 County Court judgement against me for an unpaid debt, which I didn't even know about. But please put me in charge of the country's finances and the whole of the UK economy.

Net migration fell to 171,000 in 2025, down from 331,000 in 2024 and a peak of 994,000. Whatever you do, don't tell my gullible supporters this, because my whole schtick depends on them believing they are being invaded by ever-increasing hordes.

New Reform councillors off to a great start by refusing to vote on anything because they haven't a clue what anything means, how anything works or what the fuck they are doing. Vote Reform, get lazy, incompetent, ignorant morons.

Literally nobody ever has condemned him for his upbringing. It's always just for being a twat.

"Hands up if you are hiding from the media because you can't bear any scrutiny of your dodgy financial dealings"

Our Makerfield candidate Rob Kenyon has just joined X. Please rest assured that having gone to the trouble of deleting his entire social media history, we sure as Hell won't be letting him write a single word of this himself.

"Dear Diary, Starting to get withdrawal symptoms due to not having had a press conference for weeks. But I can't face scrutiny so I need to stay in hiding. I'm even considering going to Clacton because nobody would think to look for me there..."

"I once said I used the fee from 'I'm A Celebrity' to buy a £1.4m house for cash, even though the accounts showed that income was still in the account after the house purchase"

Who better to criticise someone for being selfish than the man who took a £12,000 donation in exchange for helping a billionaire pornographer save £45m, then defected to Reform just to advance his career.

Actually, this photo is PROOF that gullible dimwits will believe a Shakira concert in Rio is London and it will be wildly shared and liked on Musk's X because it is designed to encourage and reward such lies and misinformation.

Just because I paid £1.4m cash for a house in 2024, doesn’t mean I used the £5 million I got from a crypto billionaire at the same time. I could have used one of the many other huge gifts of cash I didn’t declare.

I've got enough security to nick the press pass from an accredited photographer doing his job, but not enough to do a surgery in my constituency.

"I can't be bought by anyone"

Me explaining what the £5 million was for.

"I once said I was given £5 million for my security, then a few days later said it was a reward for Brexit"

Reform councillors are wasting no time in tackling the most pressing issues of the day, such as... er... monitoring UFO activity over Doncaster.

To be honest I'll say NO to anything that might involve financial transparency or that doesn't involve giving me £5 million.

As Lucy Connolly tweets then deletes a post about Keir Starmer, it's good to see that she has learned her lesson about irresponsible social media posts having consequences.

"I said it seems unlikely that Nigel Farage would take £1 million to throw an election then another £5 million to become an MP. What did I say Roy?" "You said he definitely did because the grifting little shit would do anything for cash"

"Dear Diary, I asked my lawyers if I could sue Ben Habib for saying I was paid £1m to throw an election. They said of course - as long as he's lying. Bollocks - back to the drawing board...."

"Hands up if you've been accused of taking £1 million to thow an election and nobody doubts it for a second because it's just so you"

Ben Habib has made a disgraceful accusation that I was paid £1 million to let Boris Johnson win the 2019 election. It's outrageous to suggest I'd do anything for less than £5 million!

"You boy - are the media still pretending it's OK that someone who wants to be Prime Minister covered up a £5 million gift?"

Where Reform has control of local councils, we will be changing the rules on procurement and will replace outdated systems based on transparency and best value for money with an exciting new system based on who gives Reform UK a £200,000 donation.

Reform UK councillors already gone: Stuart Prior called white people “the master race” Glenn Gibbins said Nigerians should be melted down to fill potholes Jay Cooper called the holocaust a hoax Daniel Devaney said Muslims are "pure scum" Reform - starting as we mean to go on.

..says man who wouldn't hold a by-election when he changed parties.