Remember how the thick kid would be given a made up job like pencil monitor? Anyway, Robert Jenrick is now Shadow Chancellor.

I considered giving Lee Anderson a Shadow cabinet role but decided that even a pretend job was beyond him.

Many thanks to Zia Yusuf for helping us redefine 'Shadow Minister' to mean someone who isn't in the official party of Opposition, isn't even elected and whose only role is being a toxic gobshite.

I thought it best to appoint failed Tories to my Shadow Cabinet, as their experience will help us to achieve our aims more quickly. Having already trashed the country once, they should be able to do it even faster next time.

Yes, we only have 8 MPs so we can’t have a Shadow Cabinet, but please remember that my supporters are far too thick to know about things like that.

It gives me great pleasure to confirm that our new Shadow Foreign Secretary is Nathan Gill. Under his guidance, we look forward to much improved relations with Russia.

Our message to young voters is "Vote Reform if you feel overpaid on £10 an hour"

I considered giving Lee Anderson a Shadow cabinet role but decided that even a pretend job was beyond him.

Many thanks to Zia Yusuf for helping us redefine 'Shadow Minister' to mean someone who isn't in the official party of Opposition, isn't even elected and whose only role is being a toxic gobshite.

Who better to have as Chancellor than Robert Jenrick, the man who helped a billionaire pornographer avoid £45m tax in exchange for a £10k donation.

On the passing of Jesse Jackson, let us take a moment to reflect on what a narcissistic, selfish sack of shit Donald Trump is.

It gives me great pleasure to confirm that our new Shadow Foreign Secretary is Nathan Gill. Under his guidance, we look forward to much improved relations with Russia.

Richard Tice was the obvious choice to be in charge of energy, as he is so familiar with the requirements of those people with links to fossil fuels and climate change who gave us £2.3million.

I thought it best to appoint failed Tories to my Shadow Cabinet, as their experience will help us to achieve our aims more quickly. Having already trashed the country once, they should be able to do it even faster next time.

Yes, we only have 8 MPs so we can’t have a Shadow Cabinet, but please remember that my supporters are far too thick to know about things like that.

Our message to young voters is "Vote Reform if you feel overpaid on £10 an hour"

Even Lee Anderson knows we can't have a shadow cabinet. Never thought I'd look stupid compared to him!

Who better to have as Chancellor than Robert Jenrick, the man who helped a billionaire pornographer avoid £45m tax in exchange for a £10k donation.

Liz Truss meets Trump. Fingers crossed she hasn't lost her touch.

I can't tell you how upsetting it is that Rupert Lowe has stolen my idea of building a political party on the cult worship of one rich, privately educated charlatan who pretends to give a shit about ordinary people.

Rupert Lowe reveals how Restore Britain will check whether people are British or not.

She was Tory, then Reform, then Restore Britain. If she continues on that trajectory she'll be a neo-Nazi next week.

"Hands up if you're scared that Rupert Lowe and Restore Britain will attract all the gullible morons and racist dimwits who would otherwise support Reform"

Don't you hate it when fighting age men flee their own country, leaving their families behind, then expect other people to give them a handout.

Tories are blue Labour is red If you vote Reform You're thick in the head

With Rupert Lowe launching Restore Britain as a political party, there is a real danger of splitting the thick racist moron demographic.

And by "our country" I assume you mean the United Arab Emirates where you live?

I can't be bought. But if you pay £70 on Cameo I'll say hello to Hugh Janus or cheer on the IRA.

Jim Ratcliffe has issued a statement saying he's very sorry if people don’t like the fact that he’s a racist twat.

Jim Ratcliffe has my full support. Anyone who lies about population figures, claims £120m in public money for his own company after paying no UK tax at all, while immigrants pay at least £15bn is my kind of guy!

In Reform-led Worcestershire Council we are planning the highest council tax rise in England. Yes, we promised to lower taxes, but only a gullible fuckwit would believe that, right? 😉 Vote Reform, get what you deserve!

Wanted: Regional Director to work for an organisation opposed to home working. The successful applicant will be expected to work from home.

No Reform MPs turned up to the debate on Russian influence on UK politics yesterday, because we are confident that we already know how it works and don’t need any further advice.

Busy day signing up new parliamentary candidates for Reform UK.

Maybe they thought GB News wasn’t a news channel, because that’s what they say every time they are reported to Ofcom for blatant bias and propaganda?

Poo, Spew, Richer Than You, Cuntface, Dribble, Twat.

If you want to know what Reform will be like in government, look at the councils we control. At Worcestershire County Council, for example, we want to increase council tax by 10% and are begging the government for a £71m bail out, otherwise we face effective bankruptcy.

Can we please stop this nonsense about Matt Goodwin not giving a shit about Gorton and Denton and saying he will never go there if elected. I can assure you he is as committed to that area as I am to Clacton.

"Dear Neighbour, My name is Patricia Clegg. I'm a 74 year old pensioner and I'm writing to explain that my last letter wasn't a cynical piece of propaganda that blatantly breached election law..."

Excellent work by Reform at Kent Council, who made a £40m saving by briefly proposing to spend £40m on something then deciding not to. Using this model, every Reform council can save £billions! www.theguardian.com/politics/202...

That horrible feeling when you get caught trying to pull a fast one.

Vote Reform, get The Handmaid's Tale. www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/poli...

This is what America has become. Vote Reform to ensure that this is what the UK becomes.

Just a word of thanks to our fantastic media. Despite my racist bullying at school, having a senior colleague imprisoned for being a traitor, breaking the MP’s Code Of Conduct 17 times, my dodgy house purchase and even being in the Epstein Files, nobody is demanding I resign!

"I should just point out that this is the SIXTH time we have invited unelected gobshite Zia Yusuf onto Question Time"

My advisor, friend and right hand man, George Cottrell, has written a book called 'How To Launder Money', no doubt using his experience of being charged with offering money laundering services to criminals on the dark web. Of no interest to me, obvs.

The man behind donations of £200,000 to Reform is a church warden from Potters Bar, who just happens to work for a billionaire from Kazakhstan. But it's definitely not money laundering or interference in UK politics by a foreign national.

Currently in talks with Peter Mandelson about joining Reform...

Our important work at Kent Council to spend £600k on a car park to provide free parking for Reform councillors while staff have to pay, is all part of our 'We don't give a shit about anyone but ourselves' policy.

If you want to know how good I would be in government, just look at the only thing I have ever actually achieved - Brexit. If you think that went well, vote Reform!