This poem is dedicated to anyone heading back into work and having to endure dull conversation about what they got up to during the Christmas holidays.

I’ve just taken delivery of this rather smashing proof copy of my next book: How to Lay an Egg with a Horse Inside. I’ll be heading off on a UK tour with the book this autumn. A full list of where I’ll be this year is here: brianbilston.com/events/ Hope to see some of you later in the year.

I’ve just taken delivery of this rather smashing proof copy of my next book: How to Lay an Egg with a Horse Inside. I’ll be heading off on a UK tour with the book this autumn. A full list of where I’ll be this year is here: brianbilston.com/events/ Hope to see some of you later in the year.

Poem with a subliminal message.

This year was also the year in which I failed to write a new end-of-year poem.

These are unsettling times.

Hope you have a wonderful Christmas, no matter how you choose to spend it.

Here’s a poem called ‘Christmas without you is’.

A NEW POETRY SHOW FOR 2026 … HOW TO LAY AN EGG WITH A HORSE INSIDE I’m heading off on tour next year with a new show, based on my forthcoming book ‘How to Lay an Egg with a Horse Inside’. The tour starts in September. Tickets are now on sale at most venues. Details here: brianbilston.com/events/

2026 Tour Update: tickets have gone on sale today for Stroud & Worthing. All shows now on sale, except for Warwick. Might tickets to one of these shows make a suitable Christmas present for someone? It’s not really for me to say, but yes, they would. The full list is here: brianbilston.com/events/

Every time I'm in a restaurant I remember Kevin McAleer's reply to a waiter who told him the Soup Of The Day. "Where there any other contenders?" "Um, no?" "A hollow victory, then".

He saw the light.

2026 Tour Update: tickets have gone on sale today for Stroud & Worthing. All shows now on sale, except for Warwick. Might tickets to one of these shows make a suitable Christmas present for someone? It’s not really for me to say, but yes, they would. The full list is here: brianbilston.com/events/

I’m reading some Christmas poems tonight on The Adverb on BBC Radio 4. But don’t let that put you off, there’s a fabulous line-up of other guests: Jackie Kay, John Hegley and Sam Lee, expertly compered by Testament. It’ll be on the BBC Sounds app once it’s aired. www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m...

This is called ‘Twenty Modern-Day Proverbs’.

Here’s my Top 50 Albums of 2025 list. There were dozens of other great albums bubbling under in what has been a great year for new music… Top of the tree for me this year is the fantastic Brian Bilston & Catenary Wires album which was fab live too countrymilerecords.wordpress.com/best-albums-...

And again, if you’d like more language nonsense like in this thread (or are looking for the perfect Christmas present for a language nonsense lover), please check out my book THE WHEEL IS SPINNING BUT THE HAMSTER IS DEAD…

Oh my goodness, it gets earlier every year. The Word of the Year thread starts here with the 2025 German Youth WotY: das crazy uk.news.yahoo.com/das-crazy-vo...

These are a few of my favourite words …

To hell with modesty.

I got visited by three ghosts last night, who were all experts in English grammar.

In a foolhardy attempt to appease my bank manager, I suppose I should mention that I have some books which may – or may not – make suitable presents for Christmas. They should be available through your local bookshop - and the online ones. Here are what a few of them look like …

Here’s a poem called ‘An Invention of Collective Nouns’.

Good luck to all the children taking part in their school’s nativity play this week. You’re all stars, no matter what your role.

A few people have asked where they can get hold of a Brian Bilston & The Catenary Wires commemorative mug and tea towel, which we were selling on our recent tour. The answer is here: brianbilstonandthecatenarywires.bandcamp.com/merch Our album ‘Sounds Made by Humans’ is up there, too.

"there's a new serif in town"

Here’s a poem which has become trapped in a vicious circus (and other phrases of a similar elk).

This could be the most important thing you read today.* *although probably not

A NEW POETRY SHOW FOR 2026 … HOW TO LAY AN EGG WITH A HORSE INSIDE I’m heading off on tour next year with a new show, based on my forthcoming book ‘How to Lay an Egg with a Horse Inside’. The tour starts in September. Tickets are now on sale at most venues. Details here: brianbilston.com/events/

RIP Martin Parr. I worked with him once on a story about the NHS. I interviewed and he photographed Britain's busiest and least busy GP. I think he was brilliant and this is one of my favorites of his.

Today, Helen Oxenbury and I will be signing our latest book 'Oh Dear, Look What I Got' at Hatchards bookshop in Piccadilly. It'll be fun.

Annual reminder to water your Christmas tree poems …

Festival tickets make great gifts, and here at Stage4Beverley, we've got something for everyone! Whether your loved one is into music, poetry, or just a great night out, Stage4Beverley tickets will give them something to look forward to in the New Year. Find out more: stage4beverley.com/line-up/

I’m feeling somewhat bereft following last night’s show in Herne Bay, which signalled the end to my tour with The Catenary Wires. Thanks to everyone who came to see us along the way. But thanks most of all to The Catenary Wires - Amelia, Bob, Ian and Rob - for making the last month such a joy.

Thinking of the student Mary Young who 106 years ago today 'said "shan't" under [her] breath when told to repeat poor work'.

This is happening tomorrow. You might need to be quick, though - only 5,000 tickets left.

It's only the first of December, but already our events are starting to sell out! Tickets for Simon Armitage are now all gone, but if poetry's your thing, why not come and see @brianbilston.bsky.social or @chriswriting.bsky.social instead? Find out more: stage4beverley.com/line-up/

My final gig of 2025 is this Thursday at King’s Hall in Herne Bay, again with the brilliant Catenary Wires. This time, we’re also joined by young, up and coming indie popsters, Swansea Sound. WARNING: may contain the occasional Christmas poem and song. Tickets here: brianbilston.com/events/

This poem is dedicated to anyone making a start on their advent calendar today.

A big, big thanks to Glasgow last night for a fab evening. Tonight, we’re heading to Newcastle for our antepenultimate gig of the tour. Not many tickets left for that or for Pocklington on Friday. We’re also in Herne Bay on 4 December. More info here: brianbilston.com/events/

We’re in Glasgow tonight. A few tickets still available here if you fancy coning along to see us: 432presents.seetickets.com/event/sounds...

Thank you, lovely Liverpool, for a terrific night yesterday. Today we’re heading to Sheffield for another evening of poetry and music. Tickets here should you fancy coming along: leadmill.co.uk/event/brian-...

🚨TONIGHT: @brianbilston.bsky.social n AND The Catenary Wires LIVE AT @liverpoolphil.bsky.social 🚨 Brave the winter weather and head into Liverpool tonight for Brian Bilston and The Catenary Wires ❄️ ⏰ Doors: 7:30pm

A big thanks to Manchester, Otley and Chorley for three fantastic evenings. Tonight, The Catenary Wires and myself will be in LIVERPOOL for another night of poetry and music. Do join us if you can. After that, it’s Sheffield, Newcastle, Glasgow & Pocklington. Tickets: brianbilston.com/events/

🚨TONIGHT: BRIAN BILSTON AND THE CATENARY WIRES LIVE IN MCR🚨 If you needed a sign, this is it! Grab your coat, brave the cold and head to Manchester tonight for @brianbilston.bsky.social and The Catenary Wires ❄️

The Catenary Wires and @brianbilston.bsky.social resume their tour in Manchester on Friday… tickets for this and all remaining gigs (except Otley, which is sold out) are here: skepwax.com/live

It’s World Philosophy Day today so here’s a poem in celebration of that.

🚨🎙 @brianbilston.bsky.social and The Catenary Wires are heading up North on their mega UK tour🎙🚨 The duo is back on the road and heading to a venue near you 🫵🏼 starting on 21st November at @hallestpeters.bsky.social peters in Manchester.

This is called ‘Why do you never come to the north of England?’