I guess I need to apologize to the writers of Alien: Prometheus. it turns out scientists really do touch everything like that

Nuclear Edging: The Movie

He put a semicolon on a plate.

Great to see *checks notes* two time Emmy nominee Nick Mohammed finally breaking through.

Just saw an advert for Stranger Things 5. It's mad how much the boys have aged. Season 1 Season 5

This is what they took from you

Also, you can't change a lot of these settings if you (like me) haven't verified yourself yet

It's an ALLEGED murder until the crows get a fair trial.

Big naturals is BBC exec slang for any new David Attenborough series

The only ending explained I'll accept:

The signature of Guy Fawkes both before and after logging on to OnlyFans

"did you even read the article???? the headline is bad but the article is good!!!" buddy if I see a restaurant called Dan's Fecal Stew i am not gonna go in there to see if maybe they printed the sign wrong

Being a Brit on BlueSky means seeing 1000x more messaging about an election in New York than your local council. Might as well message Zohran about my bin collection.

VP Cheney will be honoured with a 21 gun salute accidentally aimed directly at 21 of his friends

Hell gained a new coal stone today 🕯️

No kipper for Cheney. Go straight doonstairs, Dick

rip dick cheney. u r torturing da angels now🕯🕯🕯

Dick Cheney won’t see your jokes, but your friends who orchestrated a destructive and illegal war based on lies and also shot a guy in the face will.

‘Pariah’ Carey is incredible subbing work, 10/10 no notes.

I’m abandoning my heist script, what’s the point anymore

Slogans aren’t what they used to be.

Oh look, Tony Blair has found a new toy he doesn't understand www.theguardian.com/technology/2...

Okay so you can escape Making Tax Digital if you are “a practising member of a religious society or order, whose beliefs are incompatible with using digital communications or keeping digital records”. So the question is who wants to start a religion

Please just let me type in the year I was born. No more scrolling. We don’t have to keep doing this to each other.

Finally, a product that allows me to avoid the feminising effects of *checks notes* bed sheets.

Hate those clickbaity articles that are like “12 minutes to an amazing ass!” And it’s always just exercise, and never a google maps location.

the assumptions made about the target audience by making the first two items "OnlyFans' and 'child support' are kind of incredible

i will load your dishwasher for $19,999.

On the left, the refurbished Lincoln bathroom. On the right, picture I took in Saddam Hussein's palace in Basra in 2005.

I'm going as Making Tax Digital.

I have no idea what about this is true but we've all likely in this industry had some recent experience of feeling caught up in America's inane (and insane) culture war crap, and it all goes to my forever-point, that we should cool our reliance on American money and our addiction to its culture.

I’m crying www.semafor.com/article/10/2...

Watching this title card slowly appear at the beginning of TALLADEGA NIGHTS (2006) remains the hardest I've ever laughed at the first fifteen seconds of a movie

Full credit to Politico for continuing to employ a guy who usually does slightly off Disney characters on ice cream vans as their artist-in-residence.

I'm sorry, each ep of Doctor Who cost the equivalent of a decent debut feature budget?!?

I had real problems parsing the verbs in this headline

Me, with literally every AI feature I encounter on my work computer or phone

The biggest “block” writers face is time and money and gatekeeping (by the people who can offer money to give you that time.) I would welcome a day that I didn’t wake up with fourteen great ideas that I simply don’t have the time or money to do properly. AI directly threatens that. It doesn’t help.

'Happy Birthday darling daughter, let's throw you the best party for your Big One!' 'OMG do I get a DJ? The function room of a pub for all my family & school friends? Oh wait, we're royal, we could get a well known band or hire out all of Alton Towers!' 'EVEN BETTER, SWEETIE!'

The hypocrisy of Reform going on TV to allege that certain groups are constantly over represented on TV is truly epic.

Website for bank, insurance, airline, or buying tickets of any kind: Did you get that code I sent you Me: Yeah, here you go Website: Sweet, you're logged in Me: Great is it cool if I go to the bathroom Website: Yeah bro of course Me: And you're not gonna log me out right Website: Who is this

plato’s man-cave, where prisoners watch shadows on a sweet sixty-five-inch 4k hd tv

FED UP with enjoying an extra hour in bed when the clocks go back? Why not have children?

Beano #870, Mar 21, 1959

people that like this are like if motion smoothing had a personality send tweet

"Oxford commas are a sign you write with ai" I will find such a unique way to rip out your spine that they'll make a movie about it

Wolves.

Comic-book/novel writer: "I grew up on this show, so it was wild to actually tell a story in that world, developing the characters in a period we haven't seen on screen. Questions?" Fan: "but is it CANON?" *Writer nods to guard, who takes a baton to the fan's knee* Writer: "Any OTHER questions?"