I know what'll cheer me up. Bit of Spotify... Oh. Well why don't I just crawl into a grave and let the earth take me.

"Any electrics in this cupboard?" Me: *thinks* No. No there isn't. "No? Not that you know of..." Yes, so please let me hide and not answer technical questions ever again. WHAT IS AM LIGHT SWITCH??

Trades people update: Had trouble pointing out where all the sockets are in the flat I've lived in for 5 years and couldn't find the last one in the bedroom. The electrician not impressed with me telling him "I can't remember where it is."

Got trades people in so suddenly hyper-aware of everything totally normal I have in the flat. WHAT IF THEY SEE MY TOOTHBRUSH?? I MUST HIDE ALL MY SHOES.

Please can an intercontinental ballistic missile just put us out of our misery?

Prison sentences for people who just let the big handle on a Lidl basket drop down so it sounds like a gun going off.

🚨A reminder that Big Finish have released Comedy Playhouse - SIX brand new comedy pilots. Featuring my pilot Sad Sunk Rock🚨 Then you can vote for your favourite. But I don't want to influence SAD which SUNK one ROCK you vote for obviously... You can buy the series below👇

All the right-wing papers who gave us Brexit and basically wrecked our economy: "oopsie lol. our bad"

🚨A reminder that Big Finish have released Comedy Playhouse - SIX brand new comedy pilots. Featuring my pilot Sad Sunk Rock🚨 Then you can vote for your favourite. But I don't want to influence SAD which SUNK one ROCK you vote for obviously... You can buy the series below👇

Out now!Had a blast with Sand Sunk Rock & Golden Sands. Great scripts & superb casts. Siobhan Redmond @forbesmasson.bsky.social Gwithian Evans Rameet Rauli & Judy Flynn @hollymmichaelvo.bsky.social Melanie Kilburn Duncan Wisbey & Harry Chalmers Morris. Great producing from @jonnymorris.bsky.social

A first from Big Finish!

BBC News are running a piece about the fact it's 40 years since Blind Date began. An ITV show. A show that's been off our screens for most of that 40 years. Sorry, am I on glue?

'Or to give any money to Dave Spikey and Neil Fitzmaurice.'

Audio giants Big Finish have delivered SIX new sitcom pilots. You're not getting that anywhere else because all comedy must either be a comedian with a parent or spouse, or a sideways look at something. Come and support new sitcom.

Tom is a funny guy, it’s definitely worth listening to his if you are able to do so

Christmas is hard for me. Brings back a lot of difficult memories. Mainly the one where a woman in an office I used to work in called them 'minky pies'.

🚨And I wrote one of them. So come on and support new narrative comedy. Where else are you getting SIX brand new sitcoms?👇 www.bigfinish.com/releases/v/c...

This is still a really charming and well made promo.

Audio giants Big Finish have delivered SIX new sitcom pilots. You're not getting that anywhere else because all comedy must either be a comedian with a parent or spouse, or a sideways look at something. Come and support new sitcom.

🚨And I wrote one of them. So come on and support new narrative comedy. Where else are you getting SIX brand new sitcoms?👇 www.bigfinish.com/releases/v/c...

Christmas is hard for me. Brings back a lot of difficult memories. Mainly the one where a woman in an office I used to work in called them 'minky pies'.

Bought some frozen Yorkshire puddings for the first time in ages and now 80% of my life is thinking of ways to facilitate the consumption of Yorkshire puddings.

"Right, well that's the tour. Any questions?" "Yes, where did the 4 murders take place?"

I mean what is anything anymore? Michael Buerk doing an album on the trombone. Matt Alwright skiffle record. Gloria Hunniford beatboxing.

Nicky Campbell with his new album "Did I Leave The Oven On?"

I mean what is anything anymore? Michael Buerk doing an album on the trombone. Matt Alwright skiffle record. Gloria Hunniford beatboxing.

I'm sorry but this is the same bloke. This is the same show but with the image flipped I'm convinced.

Of course he did.

You can see the EXACT moment Schmeichel realises he's in trouble.

Schmeichel keeping the family tradition alive of getting lobbed in hilarious fashion.

Lego! Really clean streets! Hans Christian Andersen! Those open sandwiches! Can you hear me? Your boys took one hell of a beating.

I saw this go out and the joke about the Cranberries album, and buying music for his sister ("CD? Single?" "Yes, have you met her?") stuck in my mind for 25 years. I was never fully sure who it was or what happened to the comic. Mystery solved I guess. youtu.be/MlowScqYdno?...

This is true. The husband just found me having a little cry in my studio. He’s making me a hot Vimto and I’m having a word with myself. Have a look at my website and please repost. www.gailmyerscough.co.uk Thank you.

Children In Need with its finger on the pop culture pulse opening with a Simpsons pastiche. Might as well have a section where the Embarrassing Bodies doctors do Gangnam Style.

Imagine being the worst at music in a family that contains Victoria Beckham. youtu.be/ixOF-vFXTYc?...

Each episode of Eastenders will now have 8 minutes of two characters discussing how actually Putin is doing a lot of good work.

Let's just disallow all goals now. Just have every game end 0-0. #MCILIV

Ohhh careful, you almost overreacted.

The Oval Office, Laugh, Love.

Vinted listing: "Very good condition. Some stains, will probably wash out"

'Are you enjoying this app? Yes. No' pops up. I just stare, motionless. Knowing that pressing either will just elecit more questions.

Put Homes Under The Hammer on. Cor, that's a lot of money for a student. Can't imagine how she afforded that. CAN'T IMAGINE.

Is it OK to steal the toys of children? How about if it's when they're not looking?

Those PG Tips ads are edgier than I remember...

I have tried everything. And then combinations of everything. My kitchen has been like George's Marvellous Medicine. Nothing works. Products, chemicals. Cleaning hacks. It's all lies.

We've sent people to the moon, we're curing diseases, we're creating robotic implants for humans yet if you get a stain on that white mesh part of trainers you ain't getting them clean.

There is no louder sound on the planet than when you drop a piece of cutlery on your kitchen floor.

Those little patronising messages when you do Ctrl+S purely out of habit on a Sharepoint document. "This document autosaves!" "No need to manually save!" "We're saving as we go, mate." "Listen, pal, it's autosaving." "ARE YOU THICK?"

🚨I've written an audio sitcom pilot for the marvellous Big Finish. It's coming out next month and I'd really like you to hear (and ideally enjoy) it.🚨 👉Pre-order Big Finish's Comedy Playhouse here: www.bigfinish.com/releases/v/c...

The Louvre Heist gets even more adorable. They escaped on a portable funicular. You know what, let them keep the priceless jewels. Leave 'em to it.