y2k didn't happen and then 2 y2ks started happening every year

hearing the U.S. and Israel talk about a ceasefire with Iran is weirdly similar to listening to my friend with seven children explain the pull-out method

due to some unforeskin circumcisions we cannot process your request at this time

There should be a witness protection like service to help decouple from googles services, because my Gmail account has its roots spread through too much of my life. Thinking of all the things I need to switch is giving me heartburn.

When someone “doesn't get” your joke it's important to hold them accountable for cultivating ignorance and leveraging it against you.

If I were an action hero, this is what I’d say to the bad guy before the kill shot.

why didn't voldemort just leave baby harry in a hot car? is he stupid?

*Zach de La Rocha voice* some of those that wear glasses are the ones with big asses

Got off my flight to London and the first thing I saw was a man holding up a sign for a dude named 'Tim Wank'

happy memorial day

logging on to bluesky

I don’t care for your hog but I will fight and die to defend your right to crank it.

the new anker earbuds seem kind of cool and the on-board transcription is neat but i'm sorry i don't respect any business that claims to have a guinness world record about their product. that's an organization only children admire

Pinkertons of the Coast

This guard also did more than the entirety of Uvalde PD did to keep children safe, without qualified immunity or bankrupting a city with overtime.

I understand why this is confusing: you're used to the press saying poor people deserve to die and not rich people.

the president is raiding the treasury to put your tax dollars into this mans personal checking account as a reward for what hes doing in this picture

Vote for me. My platform is that I will launch Elon Musk into the sun. It will be on a SpaceX rocket so destination is kind of moot, but still.

the president of the united states sued his own government for ten billion dollars and “settled” it by directing that government to use taxpayer money for a nearly two billion dollar slush fund to distribute to his political allies at will typing it out barely feels real

Terraforming the planet to add nicotine to the atmosphere.

The plural of Maggie Rogers is Maggie’s Roger.

"birth rates are declining" don't care I already got born

if you ever got so high that watching tim & eric scared you. that's what all of the news is like now

The maker of jets that crashed and killed everyone onboard and the carmaker fined tens of millions for mishandled recalls have suddenly decided to sponsor their top regulator's reality show purely for the love of the open road www.wsj.com/business/boe...

Trans people are facing a decades-long, escalating, international effort to drive them out of society supported by some of the richest, most powerful people AND governments in the world and you are right that a few of them being snippy with you on social media is, essentially, the same thing.

If wrestling is fake, explain this.

i’ve been thinking of what could even be said about such a tragedy. someone said it best that trans people are “born so late and die so young”. we uproot our lives and transition and live more life than anyone else ever does and society punishes us for it. we deserve better

Attempted definitions of terms: Hobbyless Behaviour is when you don't have something that you derive more pleasure from than constant low-level antisocial behaviour. Jobless Behaviour is when you derive so much pleasure from your hobby that you can't make small talk around the water cooler.

*emerging from 10 minute meditative state* Incela

Passed by a billboard for Wake Forest football tickets STARTING at $150. That is insane to me. Maybe I misunderstood and they want to pay me to watch Wake Forest play football.

"you wanna use the gravity bong" and you get led out to an 800 sq ft yurt with an above ground pool inside

i played it on my sega genesis so i'm good

They put one of yours in the hospital, you put out a statement about how disappointed you are. That’s the centrist way.

My new job as a headline writer is going really well

there's simply no adequate political response to this that isn't based on fully destroying the people and party responsible for it

We should put jesters privilege in the constitution.

A message from the women of the Chin Hills in Myanmar to the YPJ (whose account is still inexplicably banned on here for reasons that Edward Said would not be surprised by)

rip ted turner, he taught me it was ok to watch the shawshank redemption every rainy saturday afternoon

Nancy By Ernie Bushmiller May 06,1944

Listening to an amount of Lana Del Rey’s “Lust for Life” that is counter indicative of possessing an actual lust for life.

Lord I’ve seen what you’ve done for others and I want that for me

Star Wars in the morning? Glub Shittos take warning. Star Wars at night? Sebulba's delight

me and my friends would kill the reddit alien with hammers i can tell you that much