Jeffrey Epstein: "hello my pedophile business partner who I do sex trafficking and, presumably, live with. I would like to discuss our powerful pedophile clients in detail." Maxwell: "Ok"

my shift begins at 8:45, but it is considered bad manners to come in prior to 9:15, so I spend a little extra love on my morning poop

some poops are a task, but some are a journey asking you to slow down and take a look around

stop giving me just enough rope to hang myself with! i just can't think of anything else to do with that much rope

NO MY DIET TRAVEL WEED

six seven!

for some littles, bluey and the gentle parenting of banjo is a great comfort, for others watching your stern but respectful father be silly makes northernlion the better choice

6 and 7 murdering and eating 9. 6 holds up a bloody hand and says "it really does look black in the moonlight" before throwing them both off a cliff

when people say "trans rights are human rights" they mean power will go after the most acceptable target to pave the way for less acceptable targets

(smoking 8 bowls of weed the second my eyes open) why is it so hard to think

exes you've never dated greater than sign

the driving force of all humanity is to be told you're a good and special boy

we could have been ancient and happy

MAMDANI DON'T MAKE ME FEEL STUPID AGAIN OKAY I CAN'T HANDLE ANOTHER FELL FOR IT AGAIN AWARD PLEASE

oh come on

me when the guy I hate dies of old age

as far as I'm concerned every coffee shop is transgender

a man named Will Smith getting the winning run against the blue jays... Philadelphia sends its regards

get your shit together

SPOOK-TUAH! SCARE ON THAT THING

if you misgendering me I will turn into a boy for that second before harmlessly turning back into a woman

George rr Martin texted me and said he finished the book he's just not releasing it till he dies cause he doesn't want anyone to yell at him

cancelling northernlion cause his wife is descended from Korean monarchists

i been helped. all my hamburgers gone.

baseball is a great game cause you have people losing their minds watching literally nothing happen for half the game, and the nothing is the exciting part. a sport of constant edging

Americans practicing their 6am tweets for soccer season

were the concession employees allowed to go home

it's gotta be fucking sick knowing you're the greatest baseball player of all time

Hitler was 27 when he killed himself

my boss handed me a knife so now I'm walking around with a knife I don't know what to do with

bro is giving me so much rope I gotta wrap some of it around my neck just to carry it lol what an idiot

it's like NL said, "lots of people dumber than me are making it work"

I see farner has his own 6 7 going on and we have to euthanize him

"you will never be a woman"

guy who got a KKK meeting and an AA meeting confused after a court mandate:

back in the summer this city felt safe. now I can't walk down the street without seeing a skeleton, pumpkin with a face, things of this nature. it's just sad to watch the city I love fall apart.

if cum be milkshakes, then my lover's be the grimace shake

an ex once made me play Isaac and I kept dying to basic enemies and she asked if I was trolling and didn't text me the next day

vote blue? no! matter who.

no I am not a Nazi I'm actually one of the stupidest people of all time please vote for me

inherent badness of Nazi tattoo aside, the guy is also stupid enough to think he didn't have to cover it before running for office. like would u vote for someone that stupid

just realized that, in my adult life, I've been trans longer than I was cis

just got a tattoo of four F's I hope it doesn't look like anything bad

the children have reinvented "what's up chicken butt"

is the government still shut down

I bought the weed that makes you sad and now I'm sad

Republican staffers have worse opsec than 14 year old brain poisoned transsexuals