my best advice to you is BELIEVE IN YOURSELF but not in the way that I believed in myself, cause boy howdy that didn't turn out well

Somewhere between a cluster fuck and a mindfuck.

JFC it's only Tuesday.

Boob avis are intended to titillate us, and that’s why words are fun.

humpty dumpty sat on a wall humpty dumpty had a great fall all the kings horse and all the kings men were like, "awkward.."

If you send a client an email with two questions, they'll only answer one. If you ask a client an A or B question, you'll get a C answer. If the customer is always right...no the fuck they're not.

Pearl Jam puns? It doesn’t get Eddie Vedder than that.

A limited time rollercoaster, on the moon? Cool.

What is one of the coolest openings of a metal song, and why is it ALISON HELL by Annihilator?

I put my pants on like everybody else . . . One leg, *hop* the other leg... *hop hop* . . . *CRASH* at a time.

Murder hornets were a complete bust.

What movie are you sort of embarrassed for liking. OSCAR Wacky, over the top comedy. Early Marissa Tomei! Tom Curry! Really sucks that Stallone's a MAGA bootlicker now!

I can't believe I bedazzled this denim jacket for this.

Under-moob sweat is no laughing matter.

In a shocking turn of events, I think everything sucks and I'm annoyed. Thanks for following.

clever clever comma boring exclamation point

I’m pretty good at making bad posts.

I put my human suit on one tentacle at a time, just like everybody else

not saying my eyesight was bad, but I got glasses today and just realized I live in California

Buddha: "The mind is everything. What you think, you become." Me: Uh oh

Just wanted you to know that I am not a bot. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Save money on raw oysters by having a friend blow their nose right into your mouth.

The Bluesky is torn asunder to reveal a gaping maw.

If we don't abandon our winning strategy and ignore the will of the people, the Democratic party will be ruined

"No sex No drugs No wine No women No fun No sin No you No wonder it's dark..." Probably problematic now, but a banger is a banger.

Morning

me: *opens car door* wife: where are you going? me: my country needs me

wearing onion rings as bracelets bc i’m a seductress

This isn't a post, it's me attempting to fit in with the cool kids on the old blooski dot com, but I don't stand a chance.

<innocently whistles>

How mattresses are made…

Did you know that if AC changes "office" to "orifice" in your email you get to meet the folks in HR?

I'm old school. I still address my therapist by his proper name. Bartender.

Fun fact: the word “fuck” is really old. Like ancient. People began to say it almost immediately

A social media app that does not allow a lie to be posted and if you try again it shocks you

Tax the Rich is a moderate position. Rule of Law is a moderate position. Abolish ICE is a moderate position. Impeach the President is a moderate position. What is radical is accepting fascism without a fight.

Help me settle an argument. My girlfriend says I run to bsky for backup every time we argue. I disagree.

If you're ever on a lonely trail in the wild end of the forest and see a crudely written sign hanging on a tree that says: NO MONSTERS HERE ONLY WAFFLES Don't believe it, not even for a second.

I always say this is my favorite movie ever. Not sure how accurate that is, but yeah, wow. 50 years ago...

Did the band Dying Fetus ever put out a live album called PRO-LIVE, and other shit my brain thinks of...

INCOMING: Sunday Blahs ARRIVAL: IMMINENT

say something inane so I can repost you

I'm off tomorrow, but I've still got the Sunday Blahs. What a time to be alive.

Not only do I not care at all about the World Cup, but I definitely do not need to hear it in Español. Serves me right for coming to Doral. 🫥

Went outside this morning and the cars were covered in ash. Of course at the moment, I had no idea what it was. But then I remembered there are fires. Miami in the summer: it's either raining, or there's a fire near the Everglades.

The closer we get to 5, the slower the clock gets.

This morning in my kitchen while preparing my lunch to take to work I said aloud, "sobriquet", for absolutely no reason. I was alone, and don't even really know what the word means. Brains are fun.

Can’t wait to get home, shower, and then cry for 5 or 6 hours.