That fucking puto from Kublai Kahn TX went from looking like a homie from the neighborhood in 2018 to fascist bootlicker in 2025 I’m not fucking with traitors

He was amazing in Penny Dreadful

What do people who post pay-walled news articles want us to do with them?

Sends you an edible arrangement after we have sex

Access to my energy is a privilege Once you no longer feel it you’ll understand why

Another day, another FML.

Remember the last time the Blue Jays were in the World Series and there was a couple having sex against the glass window in one of the suites?… that was pretty cool

Trump commuting Santos is so on brand 🤦🏻‍♀️ If hiding in your sister’s closet while she was having a slumber party & jerking off were a person it would be George Santos

Pray for me, my English professor is a swifty

If you think “No Kings” is a terrorist movement but a Nazi group chat is locker room talk then I’d say your lobotomy worked out well! Mazel Tov

Why yes Foghat I would like to take a slow ride.

Hey boy, are you a tree cuz I wanna climb you and feel your wood.

Who is the person that keeps forgetting to plug my phone in when I fall asleep?

Are you?

Everyone should complain loudly about grocery prices now, like they did during election season, but it will probably still be drowned out by the other third world problems we have in this country

Girl done got her boob job a boob job

Alt text can be fun

Let me know when AI can translate back and forth between my dog and I

I’d read you a bedtime story and tuck you in and then watch you sleep.

We took out another boat. Another one. In international waters. Again. What is this.... 4? We are the terrorists. It's us. We're the bad guys. I don't know how else to say it.

It's so Maga over there...

Coulter Gets "Put In Her Place".....

Sexual freedom. Gender freedom. Body freedom.

If Virginia is for lovers which state is for friends that just fuck?

My flex is that I can have a good night of sleep and still be exhausted.

It's not an assassination if it's just a loudmouth civilian

licked yogurt off my phone screen thought of you

If I had the name Carlos Alcatraz, I sureshit wouldn't be wasting it on NOT robbing banks.

Gonna tell my grandkids this is Terrifier

What those bastard Unfollowers don't know is that I haven't looked at anything other than the Mutuals tab for the past year.

Dude, Where's My Twat? 2000

Always check references before hiring a monkey to re-tile your kitchen

Forget the hoodie, I’m stealing your flannel and maybe your soul.

Find yourself a guy who can do the alphabet in morse code on your clit.

what kind of doctor i gotta see to get a prescription for cunnilingus?

Bequeath sounds like something it isn't.

Hogwarts is Alf’s STD outbreak

Netflix just gave Gavin Newsom 2 million for the redistricting fight and made a deal with Sesame Street. New episodes will air there and the backlog of old episodes will Be free to watch. Netflix picked a side. I will keep my subscription.

People be like omg gross you like tomatoes and then go eat ass

Have you ever tried playing Jenga with small children? Trust me it's much easier to use the little wooden blocks.

Roasting my kid by telling him I hope his workday is fast and easy like his mom 👀

I’ll take Things Norman Rockwell wouldn’t paint for $500.

Pornelius Hubertus

Nardo's got... Knobs

Maybe I just want someone who has a song that makes them think about me

Sexting Girl taking and then editing 150 titty pics for the perfect shot Guy taking one pic with multicoloured grey lint trapped in his dick hole And send what a time to be alive

I slept through my 15 minutes of fame.

A starter pack of accounts to mute.

Alright let's get this party started - me, starting a colonoscopy prep...