if i ruled the world, today would be international chinese take-out day.

The Earl of sandwich was called John. John Sandwich invented sandwiches. Now when any of my kids ask who invented stuff I'm going to tell them it's John and whatever the item is. I.e. John Cardigan invented cardigans. Being a parent is finding new and unusual ways to amuse yourself.

The #TarotCardOfTheDay is the #AceOfCups. Today is a good day for new opportunities to get the blood pumping - a new relationship, flirtation, creative project or outlet… be open and let your heart lead the way. #tarot #tarotcards #cardoftheday #gaytarot #queertarot #tarotsky

Happy Tink-sgiving!!!

"I say we take off and nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."

If you want your family to leave early, passive aggressively leave on the Family Massacre marathon all day, they'll get the hint.

My reposts are doing much better than my posts are tonight. Sounds about right

Happy Thanksgiving to those who partake. Merry Thursday to those that don’t.

The plural of "deer" should be "dire."

Hot Take: The best Holiday pie is actually Pizza with pineapple on it.

How I'm rolling up to Thanksgiving

We get it you're a middle aged milf who loves sex who is also snarky, there's literally thousands of you out there you're not special

Holy fuck I went to bed at 8pm and slept all the way to 5am are pigs flying too??

Ahh Iowa, where the rain smells like manure

Might throw my phone in the sea to prevent me just posting this nonsensical stream of consciousness all night

Mama told me not to come - Sigmund Freud

The perpetual rain and daylight that ends at 4:30pm isn’t ideal, tbh. However, sometimes it makes for solid passing moments. 📸: Newport, Oregon

You'll be visited by three spirits The three spirits:

you wouldn't know my shitposts, they go to another social media site

Most time consuming dishes done, with the exception of the creamed spinach which I will conquer tomorrow. Thanksfuckinggiving yo.

Thanksbutnothanksgiving

A couple carrots for spike

If any upcoming tech genius wants to make an absolute fortune, create an app that blocks all AI and you will be a squillionaire overnight. Please can I have 10% for the idea thanks.

Scrambled eggs at 530am in bed because why not

You wouldn't survive a day in my mom's vagina, Charlie Brown

Had a nightmare so I'm up now I guess

Urinating in the corner of the grocery store while showing my teeth to passersby to establish and maintain dominance over fellow shoppers

Any room can be a panic room if you have enough anxiety

Two, four, six, eight, how do we dissociate?

Absolute Wonder Woman Art by John Timms 2025 #DCComics

A movie that takes place where you're from

HAY EVERYONE MY DOG WANTS YOU TO LOOK AT HIS ASSHOLE

Some absolute fucking Quilk just accused me of making up words.

Twitter accounts are based in Russia. BlueSky accounts are based in homes with, frankly, too many books, plants, obsolete cables, and pieces of rustic pottery, that could do with a bit of a tidying up, to be honest.

So many guys out there still thinking I’m going to like their mundane response when they didn’t take 2 seconds to like my outstanding skeet.

"That's it, slather and baste it like a Good Girl." -Me encouraging my wife on Thanksgiving

Utah and West Virginia have very different meanings for ‘sister-wife’

i like to think that godzilla would be my friend

cute morning

The receptionist at my Dentist laughed at me when I told her I swallowed my temporary bridge, so I guess that's a good sign??

The last time I saw any of my immediate family was 25 years ago this Thanksgiving, so for me it's a personal independence day and it's still my favorite holiday.

Try or try not, there is no do.

Reminder that 20lb turkey needs to come out the freezer today.

No you shut up I made a Japanese style curry from scratch* yo