So.... financially..... are you guys fukd too? Like, I make entirely too much money to be living paycheck to paycheck. This economy sucks BIG.... Thinking about learning to live without electricity. For funsies.

I have questions.

You cannot convince me that we aren't switching timelines all willy nilly like..... Tucker Carlson..... Being accountable..... Apologizing..... Sounding sane. I know this is good in a big way, but I feel like I'm losing my mind.

62 million reasons why we choose the bear.

I will never understand some things. Mass shootings are bad enough, but one so close that left 8 children dead, all of which are younger than my own kids. It's excruciating. I'm so beyond tired of this flavor of heartbreak.

My kid just asked me if he can get a tattoo for his 18th birthday. I find it really interesting that he's asking. I got my first tattoo on my 18th birthday and told my parents nothing about it until they spotted it several months later. This generation is nothing like my generation.

Iran is really killing us the PR game. Between consistently well articulated statements, Lego propaganda videos, and their clear familiarity with modern American society, they're really making our asses look huge. I'm kind of here for it.

So..... Anything interesting burn down while we were sleeping? It's becoming hard to keep up. Also, I need to buy more popcorn.

So....... Anyone burning a warehouse today? I've got some marshmallows I need to get rid of.

If you look over during the revolution and see me in my moomoo, just know I'm good and comfy while we burn it all to the ground.

Epstein's bestie is beefing with the pope on the internets. I'm not even shocked at this point.

Hungary gives me hope.

I am so tired of having to know the names of every single elected official. Hating politics and being forced to be informed is a shit way to live.

The whispers are so much worse that what I was prepared for.

Whelp.... Working on my taxes, and in total, my healthcare expenses added up to $16,560.21. JFC.

This is not the moment in history to be going unmedicated.

It's official. I'm "show up to pick up my kid in the middle of the day wearing my moomoo" years old. Please hold your applause.

It's a strange feeling to root against your country in a war.

My kid's friends accidentally added me to their group chat. I was quietly observing for like 3 hours before they figured it out. 🤣🤣🤣

Y'all. I just found out that Hampton Court Palace has a resident cat. His name is Henry the IX. This is the kind of shit I live for.

Confession: I'm not actually a democrat. I've been registered as independent since I was 18 years old. But because I'm a person with morals who actually learned some shit from history, they're the only party I can vote for. We should take a cue from Finland and expand our party choices.

IHDY?

So..... How much of our equipment has been hit by Iran today? An F-15 and and A-10 both shot down and 2 Blackhawks hit? Do I have that right? Because it sounds fucking expensive.

I got another raise, which is great. Really. But every time this happens, it becomes that much harder to leave Texas. The paycut I will have to take is massive because my work thinks I'm worth $10 an hour more than I'm worth literally anywhere else.

The bullet may not have matched that antique rifle Tyler Robinson borrowed from his grandpa, but I bet we'd find a match if we started looking at CIA or Mossad guns...

Dearest Iranian Hackers.... Please look into targeting the student loan system. Respectfully, An American that didn't sign up for this shit.

There's nothing quite like having your country be hit by 3 meteors in 6 days to make you ponder the old gods.

Whelp.... I have no idea how she managed it, but I came home to a dog with a dislocated hip.

I'm not a conspiracy theorist. I swear. But..... Erika Kirk. I don't even think I have to say it. Just her name, and I bet you know exactly what I am talking about.

The people that threatened to call my job and whine because I refused to mourn CK sure are quiet about the president celebrating the death of Robert Mueller.

I spoke to my mother for the first time in 6 months today. Shit is hard. Baby steps, though.

My kid just asked me if he can go to Eid al-Fitr with a friend of his. 🥹 I love that my children are not only curious about other cultures, but get invited to participate.

Hear me out. Socialized veterinary care.

To the world.... Thank you for refusing our government's plea for help in the strait. Seriously.

Hubs: We should quit drinking. Me: Yeah. H: But not today. M: Oh, of course not. H: How much beer do we have? M: Not enough for us both to drink tonight. H: Oh..... Well..... I said not today. Let's hit the grocery store.

Really sucks to discover the constitution is just a piece of paper.

At final count, the mayor seat in Boca Raton flipped by 5 votes. 5. 5 votes. Your vote counts.

Wouldn't it be poetic if it were Iran that ends up giving us the shot we need to free ourselves from this regime? I don't even think they have to strike us directly. This war we've started is unpopular enough to habe the administration turn on itself.

Weird to live in an era where I'm more afraid of my own government than I am literally every foreign adversary.

F'd around and healed so much that even my mom avoids me.

Sending all the vibes to my friends in Mexico. This is nightmarish, and I'm sorry.

Maybe an unpopular opinion, but Fergie is an even bigger piece of shit than Andrew. She needs to go down with the rest of them.

So.....JayZ and Beyoncé just skipped the Grammy's this year.... For no reason... 🦗🦗🦗🦗

Never thought I'd be so excited about putting a library together in my house. I bought some shelving as an experiment, and it's perfect. Now I've just spent an ungodly amount of money to outfit the entire room with it. Now I'm on the hunt for an antique card catalog cabinet.....

Why the fuck do we have boots on the ground in Nigeria?

Y'all. 12 years in, and I still get messages like this.

He really shat himself on live tv.....

The really messed up part of all of this is having to concede to the PizzaG8 conspiracy theorists. You were wrong, but you were also right.

Never thought I'd live to see the Kennedy center go out of business...

The most shocking thing I've discovered digging through the Epstein files is the complete lack of surprise I feel by each revelation.