Look, plantar fascitis sucks but I think this guy has bigger issues going on

what to get the man who has everything but his kids’ current addresses and phone numbers

idk why everyone is complaining, i think it's cool that they are building the ship from CONTACT (1997) on the white house lawn. the liberal media says it won't work again but they are IGNORING that approximately 18 hours of static was recorded on that fateful day. explain THAT

Undertone (2026)

you can just buy the citric acid crystals they put on sour patch kids. you can eat it by itself. it's fine

timeline is like: - beer discourse - hockey - shots fired at the White House - cuck porn discourse - basketball - trogdor just another normal saturday in the trump administration

A sequel to Obsession with a One Wish Willow and the same basic tone. But it's also a remake of Liar Liar and it stars Tim Robinson.

Denvis

remember when trump shit himself on live tv in the oval office and that one lady was like oh no

This would have been a devastating loss of so many friends uncles

Harris/Walz would’ve won if those fucking establishment consultant hacks had just gotten out of the way and let them say “These freaks are weird!” every day for three months and you’ll never convince me otherwise

How can you not be romantic about baseball?

*shaking head* star wars day has gotten so commercialized

There's a 3rd Big Momma's House???

What more does this man have to do before his mind can be described as "twisted"

Happy Ed Balls Day! Remember to keep the true spirit of Ed Balls Day alive in your heart, and avoid the overcommercialisation of Ed Balls Day.

Before posting, ask yourself "is this something that I am ok with being read out loud in a courtroom?" If your answer is anything other than "hell yeah", then you probably shouldn't bother.

Le barbecue? What the hell is that?!

Well shit

I’m not proud of it but if Forrest Gump started talking to me on a bench I’d have left

Everyone having issues with Bluesky just means that today would be the funniest day for it to happen

People made masterpieces, but this one's still my favorite

Talking to someone who doesn't keep up with the news day to day Her: what are all of these pictures of Jesus being called "doctor"? Me: so you know how the president is currently in a feud with the pope...

Why stop there? Pictures of Trump with Epstein? It's just Trump as a doctor. The white makeup on his hand? Just a lab coat to make his hand look like a doctor. The AI video of him shitting on protesters? Dr. Trump prescribing plane poop.

Saying the Pope is weak on crime is like saying "the pope is weak on crime" (there are no good analogies for how fucking stupid that is; it's a category that contains exactly one example)

Were they able to confirm if the moon is actually haunted?

Artemis II has successfully landed on the Planet of the Apes

imagine Tracy Morgan saying "it's not what it looks like! Dr. Epstein is my optometrist." If this is your kind of joke, you gotta watch Reggie Dinkins

I love ALIEN’s vision of the future. Yes, everyone is still working shit jobs for shit corporations for shit pay. But the good news is they’ve successfully made robots full of milk that are bitchy little fruits

I went and saw Project Hail Mary. A guy came in with his service dog and the dog sat there the whole time just concentrating on the movie. Afterwards I told the guy I was amazed your dog watched the movie like that. He replied, me too especially because he hated the book.

Everyone shut up and watch this!

So is Congress still doing that whole "he needs to be removed from office" thing from yesterday afternoon? Or is not starting world war 3 after 12 hours of uncertainty good enough for them to just move on?

a visual depiction of Fox News's commentary tonight

“Lay down your weapons now or I will have no choice but to ask you to lay down your weapons later,” the commander in chief wrote on Truth Social

Armageddon is terrible, but our only other option was diversity trainings at work.

Does Bluesky have main characters? Or was that just a Twitter thing?

As long as you all keep posting your dumb little jokes, I'm gonna keep reading them. I'm not exactly happy about it, but that's just where we are now.

this would be an amazing way for It to happen

you, a naive fool: i do believe there are some things the nytimes won’t both sides the nytimes:

Well then I am about to contain high levels of lead

that's what happens when the Dow goes under 50,000

This is what social media is meant to be about.