Sorry about all the questions. I've never been to a public stoning before and I get just all kinds of excitable.

it’s not fair that babies get to poop anywhere i wanna poop anywhere, your honor

I say this with love and respect for the difficulties of being a journalist in this current moment, but I'm gonna need my colleagues who still use that place to seriously SERIOUSLY interrogate why and what you're enabling with your continued presence.

Hi there, A Bluesky account you control posted content that violates our Community Guidelines related to Respectful Discourse by being both Funny and Correct in the direction of an impotent soul sucking tech bro. Best regards, Bluesky Moderation Team

Thanks for the birthday wishes, people. It genuinely means a lot, and, another day above the dirt is fine by me. Spending the remainder of the evening burying myself in Chinese food and mediocre movies. xo

This machine kills fajitas

i was raptured earlier but didn’t care for it they kept trying to get me to sign up for paramount+ anyway i’m back now

If I were on Little House on the Prairie, I would simply invent the internet

what if sleep was better

Before I got married, I never realized you could sneeze like an asshole

Just documenting my mood swings here.

Today is my birthday, and, while simply existing has been an amazing gift, I feel genuinely blessed to have made it to another year when so many didn’t. I don’t take it for granted, and I try and celebrate for them, too. I am here because of the care and love of others. Take care out there. ♥️

And yet we keep posting

watching the blazers mount an insane comeback and then lose on a buzzer beater

welcome to 80’s fuckboy fall please dress accordingly

Eating clam chowder out of the can with my hand like Winnie the Pooh

“4 out of 5 dentists agree” Joe Rogan: book the 5th dentist

if you can figure out how to clip through walls you can get into all kinds of sections of reality the creators made but never put in

Shopping for new bathroom carpet in the Sears catalog would fix me.

I mean, is it really worth celebrating scoring on Stuart Skinner at this point? Seems kind of like a given.

No one in this ball pit is taking me seriously.

it was me, I kidnapped Ken burns and cut his hair and made him dress like he’s in The National

Rainy days, and rainy nights. 📸: Portland, Oregon

your neighbours hate your loud, rumbly truck

He's a 10 but his life, his love, and his lady is the sea

Cooper Flagg looks like the dude that would rock off brand Jnco jeans and a Taz shirt, and try and sell you bunk acid at a bus stop in ‘96.

I’m already mad about Christmas music

People used to run away and join the circus, but now, thanks to modern advancements, the circus is all around us all the damn time

Fire Marshal: "There are too many kung fu fighters in here"

Currently suffering the reality of being old (giving up a concert ticket due to the inconvenience of going)

One of the skills I put on my resume was the ability to keenly observe other people working.

Off-season beaches are the best beaches. Next question.

why do storks only bring babies why can’t one bring me a cannoli

I want to very gently say something, and I hope nobody will be mad: If somebody on the internet says something that is NOT about politics and NOT about how terrible everything is, it’s a kindness not to reflexively make a comment (in jest or not) that brings it back to those things.

Sometimes I make these little minute or so long videos with my extra footage and put them on my channel. Here’s one of (mostly) Laurelhurst from last week. I’ll probably start making more, they’re a good way to escape for a bit. 🍂

Getting up from the bar to puke like

when people say what if there are prominent dems in the epstein files

What a great day for finding out that a lot of things people thought were conspiracies are actually backed up by emails that are like hey pedo, let us pedo together in pedoland on the second day of the pedo month

He said I was arrogant, so I set about him with my sceptre.

Facebook is great for when you’re thinking… I wonder if my cousins husbands dad is replying “hey beutiful” on any girls posts

Sometimes when my cats are fighting, I pretend it's over me.

I'm werner herzog and this is jackass

10 out of 10 pieces of furniture prefer your little toe.

Reporting from a bustling, fall hued, and invisibly ‘war torn’ downtown Portland. I smell gyros, and hear someone playing the violin. Just brutal. 📸: Portland, Oregon

the nectar of the dogs (puddle water)

Pour one out for our guys laying on the ground with their mouths open

demanding a famous folk singer write a moving ballad about the time I fell ass first into an ice fishing hole

secret discord! at the poster collab house