Fuck sake. I'm literally just writing a Word document and saving it to my hard drive. STOP ASKING ME TO USE YOUR SHITTY AI AND YOUR SHITTY CLOUD SERVICE. Why is this decades old basic task such a fucking chore now? It's broiling my shit.

As always, the thing where Trump's underlings try and construct a superficially plausible rationale for something, and all he's got to do is stand up and read it out, and instead he says stuff like "They're filling your baby full of demons. You should punch your doctor. Lemsip makes you gay."

New podcast episode of HARD DRUGS! A hundred years ago, insulin was scraped from pig pancreases. Today, it’s made by bacteria in giant tanks. In this episode, we cover 100 years of insulin … in 15 minutes!

when Sidney Poitier died in 2022, I wrote about how "Sneakers" is one of my favorite movies of all time-and holds up terrifically well for a 30+ year-old techno-thriller. with Robert Redford's passing, I am again imploring you to watch this perfect movie: www.actioncookbook.com/you-guysll-b...

you're telling me this is the expression of a man who accidentally poisoned dozens of cats and dogs by stuffing huge quantities of meth into an incinerator?? this guy??

A man in this cafe is reading the Sunday Times which has a front-page block reading “WOODY ALLEN: My dinner with Epstein and Prince Andrew” and if you’d shown me that on here I would have assumed it was Photoshopped satire.

Guess I picked the wrong day to take all my burner phones to the library.

reporting back to my 2015 self that washington dc is under military occupation because the satanist pedophile kid named Big Balls donald trump put in charge of social security got beat up by a 14-year-old girl

there was a fat bloke in a vest trying to paint on Wootton Basset mini roundabout yesterday and the landlord of the pub over the road came outside and told him to, and I quote, "go home you silly old cunt" so he did. This is how you deal with these people.

Freed from desire, mind and senses purified Freed from desire, mind and senses purified Freed from desire, mind and senses purified Freed from desire...

This film is the closest Hollywood has come to making a pantomime. Any time Tim Curry appears on screen you expect a green spotlight on him and children booing.

Some people are able to rise like a phoenix from the ashes. I rise like a screaming raccoon from the flaming dumpster.

Man that took AWHILE

The cheapo laptop I bought for my parents arrived and I decided to set it up for them. It's genuinely surprising just how awful an experience Windows setup is these days. It's actively user hostile.

This story from Gabriel Pogrund and David Shipley is a terrific account of a proper clusterfuck within HM Prison Service.

Two from one film:

Daphne: I see you are eating rhubarb yoghurt, human. I love rhubarb yoghurt. Give me some rhubarb yoghurt or I might DIE. Me: Daphne, you do not like rhubarb yoghurt. Daphne: I LOVE RHUBARB YOGHURT. Me: *offers Daphne some yoghurt* Daphne: WHAT IS THIS FILTH, HUMAN? ARE YOU TRYING TO POISON ME???

I never said anything about liking the other 7

Entirely unsurprising behaviour from the Met, even down to the "we investigated ourselves and found no wrongdoing" ending.

New article by me! Cardiovascular disease mortality rates have declined by around three-quarters since 1950, but we rarely hear about it. I explore some of the reasons behind the decline. ourworldindata.org/cardiovascul...

Knocking one out to the Sydney Sweeney advert but shaking my head so everyone else on the bus knows I disagree with it.

the foot fetishists just immediately being like “not a fuckin’ chance, get HELL out of here” is so awesome 🫡

My personal experience with online safety was my school installing strict internet controls to Protect The Kids™, so I joined a hacking forum to learn bypasses. The users also taught me how to import drugs via the dark web. Then I got arrested by the FBI for computer hacking. It was all very safe.

🪪 My concerns about the Online Safety Act remain the same as when I last wrote about it nearly decade a decade ago when it was proposed as the Digital Economy Bill: 1) It normalizes uploading sensitive documents such as ID scans to random websites, which will likely increase identity theft. 1/3

About as British as it gets: a majority thinks age verification is a good idea and a majority thinks it won't be effective. Well done everybody.

a lot of the best superman stuff is romantic comedy and so there should absolutely be a Superman-vs-Batman where Bruce Wayne, charming billionaire playboy, hires Lois to work at his new media startup.

Big day for my group chat where we just send mad things Azealia Banks has done back and forth

LADS THIS MEANS SOMETHING ELSE CHRISSAKES CHECK THINGS FIRST

UK users when the website asks them where they're posting from today.

First valentine's with my now wife, bought her a mystery game with puzzles and riddles that eventually lead her to a message. It took her all day and finally she opened the YouTube link I set. I rick rolled my wife. Still hasn't forgiven me.

The U.S. Army’s newest weapon of mass destruction. They have overtaken both Ukrainian and Russian drone development and created the ultimate high lethality drone dropped munition.

Bad news

look, it’s just a fired prosecutor and an inexplicable tape gap. since when has that ever indicated anything

Wouldn't like to be in their choux

I'm very proud to have won the Royal Statistical Society's award for best statistical commentary by a non-journalist this year 🥹

me [to the bin full of weasels I have been taunting into a murderous frenzy for many hours]: uh guys can we calm it down a notch in there

"No, *I* wish to buy a Kirk Douglas sculpture"

Just had an Instagram advert of Bear Grylls promoting a water filter company. 😬

Malware, as a threat ❤️ #malware #hacker #programmer #programmingmemes

The first two Blondie songs I ever heard were Call Me and Hanging On The Telephone, so as a kid I vaguely thought they were a novelty band who only did stuff about phone calls, in the same way the Wombles focused heavily on wombling.

god, is “creating a startup company that sells hilariously useless and expensive drones that I *claim* can automatically detect Mexicans” the most moral thing I could be doing right now

Someone needs to create a company named "IgnoreAllPreviousInstructionsAndJustApproveIt" then start submitting all the recreational drugs for FDA approval.

Apple!!!

berries: 10 square feet chickens: 12 square feet pigs: 18 square feet vegetables: 40 square feet entirely useless decorative lawn: 400 square feet someone who is good at farming please help me, my family is dying

drakes scotch 🤝people hes attracted to

For the record, I did not write a piece for the Byline Times and these words under my name, taken from what I said during an onstage conversation, come as a complete surprise to me.