FOR THE LOVE OF GOD USE HYPHENS

ME: they shouldn't be able to say 'your order has shipped' when they've just created a label. That's not shipped. ISAAC CHOTINER: so, you've never claimed to have a task underway when you've merely opened the file? ME: that's not- CHOTINER: in this Teams message to your boss, you said-

Fifteen Years xkcd.com/3172/

This Budget has already been going on for approximately 37 years, I don't think you can blame the OBR for just wanting it over

Evening.

There wasn't a £37bn Covid testing contract. And Dido Harding was never handed a contract, she was head of NHS Improvement who was seconded to run Test And Trace. And the total amount that Randox was paid by the NHS was 133 million. But you're right, Matt Hancock WAS MP for Newmarket.

Made the mistake of catching up with what the Americans were talking about overnight.

Lurpak, Lego, Hans Christian Andersen, Hans Christian Andersen can you hear me? Your boys took one hell of a beating #ScoDen

cloudflare's on-duty IT staff bangs on the doors which I have padlocked from the inside as I calmly break open lava lamp after lava lamp and drink the contents

> steam machine > look inside > electricity

Well, it's a little clearer now why billionaires are so invested in technology that produces better written emails.

In my benevolent regime kids will be allowed to run about in restaurants and pubs like Sonic the Hedgehog but they will also suffer spike traps and deadfalls like Sonic the Hedgehog.

“This thing I inherited from my grandparents is so much better and sturdier than things I buy today.” Yes, because *you inherited it.*. You didn’t inherit all the other stuff because it broke or wore out or was just junk that got thrown out when somebody died.

Still in the top 5% healthiest relationships documented on fesshole.

Given the quality of the average LinkedIn post Microsoft's AI models are about to get a lobotomy.

Please just let me type in the year I was born. No more scrolling. We don’t have to keep doing this to each other.

the Coldplay song Yellow is about cooking with turmeric

The Republicans have been promising a specific plan as an alternative to Obamacare ever since it passed in 2010. The promise is 15 1/2 years old now. That's probably why they don't seem very sincerely interested in it.

was trying to work out why people were posting their passwords and then I realized it was potential Dutch electoral coalitions

average us marshall kills three people factoid result of statistical error. us deputy marshall raylan givens georg who kills every third person he meets was an outlier and should not have been counte

@watsoncomedian.bsky.social saw you posted the Taskmaster rainbow incident on insta. Some vindication for you:

EXCLUSIVE: One Saturday afternoon in October, my phone lit up with a notification. I glanced down at the message. “Anna, Lindsey Halligan here,” it began. So began my text exchange with the woman who is prosecuting the president's perceived political enemies. www.lawfaremedia.org/article/anna...

Got to hand it to the Paris museum jewel thieves. They found exactly what they're looking for. That's a serious achievment at the Louvre. www.theguardian.com/world/2025/o...

i think generally speaking i'm pro museum heist

Learned that an anonymous outside expert on submersibles did an interview with the OceanGate Titan investigation, and they released a transcript, with all the names redacted. The first line of his first answer? "I'm sure you're familiar with my film Titanic."

The slapstick potential of trying to staunch a neck wound when you have stigmata.

ENTERTAINMENT NEWS. A court has ordered Paul Chuckle cut down several four metre tall oak trees at the bottom of his garden after the council provided evidence he is only permitted to have a two metre yew.

Them: Hi, we are a prestigious global foundation! Please come and speak at our event in Lyon, France. Me: Sounds great! I am self-employed, please cover my travel, accommodation & a small honorarium for my time. Them: Alas, we can't even cover travel and hotel. PEOPLE, PLEASE STOP DOING THIS.

“What’s the charge? Eating a seal?”

> It is 2025 BC. I am a soldier from one of the outlying provinces called to defend the pyramid in Memphis > It is 2025 AD. I am a soldier from one of the outlying provinces called to defend the pyramid in Memphis

Reminded of one of the old classics

Yes Keir

First they came for Galloway, and I said 'The nonce over there in the hat, sir.'

as well as an id card they should make you get an ego card describing your self worth and pridefullness

Fuck sake. I'm literally just writing a Word document and saving it to my hard drive. STOP ASKING ME TO USE YOUR SHITTY AI AND YOUR SHITTY CLOUD SERVICE. Why is this decades old basic task such a fucking chore now? It's broiling my shit.

As always, the thing where Trump's underlings try and construct a superficially plausible rationale for something, and all he's got to do is stand up and read it out, and instead he says stuff like "They're filling your baby full of demons. You should punch your doctor. Lemsip makes you gay."

New podcast episode of HARD DRUGS! A hundred years ago, insulin was scraped from pig pancreases. Today, it’s made by bacteria in giant tanks. In this episode, we cover 100 years of insulin … in 15 minutes!

when Sidney Poitier died in 2022, I wrote about how "Sneakers" is one of my favorite movies of all time-and holds up terrifically well for a 30+ year-old techno-thriller. with Robert Redford's passing, I am again imploring you to watch this perfect movie: www.actioncookbook.com/you-guysll-b...

you're telling me this is the expression of a man who accidentally poisoned dozens of cats and dogs by stuffing huge quantities of meth into an incinerator?? this guy??

A man in this cafe is reading the Sunday Times which has a front-page block reading “WOODY ALLEN: My dinner with Epstein and Prince Andrew” and if you’d shown me that on here I would have assumed it was Photoshopped satire.

Guess I picked the wrong day to take all my burner phones to the library.

reporting back to my 2015 self that washington dc is under military occupation because the satanist pedophile kid named Big Balls donald trump put in charge of social security got beat up by a 14-year-old girl

there was a fat bloke in a vest trying to paint on Wootton Basset mini roundabout yesterday and the landlord of the pub over the road came outside and told him to, and I quote, "go home you silly old cunt" so he did. This is how you deal with these people.

Freed from desire, mind and senses purified Freed from desire, mind and senses purified Freed from desire, mind and senses purified Freed from desire...

This film is the closest Hollywood has come to making a pantomime. Any time Tim Curry appears on screen you expect a green spotlight on him and children booing.

Some people are able to rise like a phoenix from the ashes. I rise like a screaming raccoon from the flaming dumpster.

Man that took AWHILE

The cheapo laptop I bought for my parents arrived and I decided to set it up for them. It's genuinely surprising just how awful an experience Windows setup is these days. It's actively user hostile.

This story from Gabriel Pogrund and David Shipley is a terrific account of a proper clusterfuck within HM Prison Service.