Nobody in history has been in greater need of a beer and a wank than this geezer.

'No, not you, the lady behind you...'

Oh, apparently the 'Tilly Norwood' thing was an April Fool. Demonstrating the full extent of the imagination and creativity behind the project.

When they try and deactivate 'Tilly Norwood'...

Dwane Johnson? Dave Bautista? John Cena? There's only one true don among wrestlers-turned-actors.

Up early to get my Maundaying done before the rush.

ahhhh looks like the old Pretend To Be A Famous 193-Year-Old Tortoise's Veterinarian And Say He Died And Then Solicit Crypto Donations Through Social Media scam i've seen it a million times

Thursday

Getting chokemogged and no longer oxygenmaxxing

Laurie Webb, aka Mr Ollis from Doctor Who’s The Three Doctors, was one of my favourite Who people. He also delivered one of its best lines (“You’d never believe me woman: supper ready?”). Laurie died, peacefully, on Sunday, just five weeks short of his 102nd birthday. What a life: he was adorable.

incredible timing, Kemi

FRANCE: we're fancy WORLD: ok FRANCE: a fried ham sandwich is our national lunch WORLD: FRANCE: a fried ham sandwich with an egg is its wife

Tomorrow is April 1st. I regret to inform not only you, but all future generations, that April 1st was 'won' back in 2011 when Rob Brydon sat in as Ken Bruce for his entire morning show on BBC Radio 2. Your own April Fools gags will pale in comparison, so don't bother. youtu.be/SU7uRA4UVY4?...

April Fool's Day must be a minefield on here, given the unfailing ability of its enthusiastic denizens to miss every joke ever made.

'And as her soulful blue eyes burned like ice, I perceived an infantesimal shift behind them. Without either of us aware of having moved, we were kissing. It was neither gentle nor decorus, the sparks between our lips dancing like lightning on a rock face.'

Wednesday. Woken by leg cramp.

🎶 Brown bin, putting out the brown bin 🎶 I sing to the tune of Brown Skin by India Arie.

Excellent piece here from @jamesrball.com where he systematically takes apart the latest literary attempt by MattGPT. The comment from Goodwin at the end in the "right to reply" section couldn't be more perfect in summarising what a thin-skinned individual he is app.thenewworld.co.uk/story/153589...

The colonials are at it again.

BBC says the two 'lost' Doctor Who episodes will be on BBC iPlayer on Good Friday.

The right-wing press, as ever, can be relied upon to ruin my fetishes.

I get why people say this, it's powerful, but he did start with camps. Dachau opened in March 1933, the book burnings were 2 months later. He purged the judiciary in April 1933. Nazism was a violent movement from the start, street violence was crucial from day one, even before he got to power.

Have YOU ever met a professed Jack Whitehall fan? No, because they're presumably composed of dark matter.

Such a baffling decision. You could have the best quality production, but this just makes it look like some cheap Temu shit.

Tuesday

The final reveal was so moving I just punched a Frenchman.

'I want to announce here that I will be aggressively pursuing British London in the small claims court!'

Interrupted an episode of Auntie's Bloomers. I was sat there for ages waiting for Sissons to swear or something.

Mallett. Lillicrap. And dire warnings of the 50 years of drudgery ahead. Quietly take your seat on the carpet, as my new video (now available for all), examines classic schools television, and the Trojan horse of the telly on wheels. youtu.be/IA4A1J-LB-E?...

Radio 2's been a load of shit for people with grey sofas for ages now. Bring back The Organist Entertains.

‘Thanks so much for coming in at short notice - we’re really excited to hear what you have in store for our listeners as the new host of the Radio 2 Breakfast Show’

In fairness the personal conduct in question was providing uranium to the Ayatollahs.

Scott Mills was an eternal substitute teacher, anyway. Most of the people listening were probably thinking Zoe Ball was just on a long holiday.

Of course, the most important question about Mills getting shitcanned is what this means for the #totp repeat schedule?

BBC Radio 2 The Scott Mills Breakfast Show Now Playing Queen Another One Bites The Dust

At the going down of the trousers, we will remember them.

Aah, the little-remembered 'Lovejoy After Dark' spin-off.

A remarkable photo from 1934, in which Anthony Eden looks none too pleased to have been snapped by a Tatler photographer dining with Maria, the wife of British diplomat Archibald Clark Kerr. Eden has the look of a man who had assured his wife earlier that he would be dining in Durham that evening.

Horrible nightmare, awake since 4am, back to work.

Back to work tomorrow

First day of British Summer Time in Edinburgh

"Very important race meeting coming up Brough, you won't say anything weird to upset the viewers will you" "You can rely on me!" "You do have a tendency to start talking about hanging" "It's OK I've got it under control" "No hanging!" ... "Brough what is the ONE THING I asked you not to do?"

Yeah, I'm a big deal in the activism movement. My job is to stay online and say whatever activity we're doing is being ignored by the media, then deny all evidence to the contrary.

Starring Richard Keys as Alan Partridge

The best bit about the new cast from SNL UK is that you just know that rather than it leading to further sketch comedy on TV, it'll just lead to the cast of SNL UK appearing on Taskmaster, House of Games, Would I Lie to You and Last One Laughing.

Every political cartoonist in the world is currently bashing their desks in frustration.