Monday

Noel Edmonds: Who’s the first Noel? His wife: Oh God. Not again. Him: Do it. Her (wearily): You’re the first Noel. *lovemaking commences*

Oh dear

Starting off the day strong by twisting my ankle walking back from the shop. A fox across the road witnessed the whole thing before running off.

Phwoar

.........what?

I suppose this was always inevitable. The far-left practically wrote the book on infighting.

Homemade curry at my brother's for tea. 10/10. Delicious.

Just arrived at the Your Party Conference. Buzzing.

It's M People! #totp

What a tedious song. #totp

No thanks, love. Top of The Pops is on. #totp

FUCK THE AEROSMITH #totp

Really like this Alanis Morissette tune #totp

Oh no. #totp

This isn't a bad U2 song tbf. I quite like it. #totp

Sexy Cinderella is such a cheesy song title #totp

I don't mind The Beautiful South but this is appallingly bad. #totp

Culture Club doing reggae covers. #totp

THE POPS #totp

Renowned Welsh anthropologist speaks.

Just as you thought food delivery companies couldn't inflict any more misery on society: Instead of using lowly-paid gig economy contractors to deliver groceries, they're replacing humans with robots, who, in turn, force humans off the pavement into road traffic.

You get better quality food at my local greasy spoon. Look at the state of it.

This scene was ruined for me when my sister pointed out the Cybermen's death-throes sound exactly like Mr Blobby.

Also, he'd have to split the money with the other writers.

She is an extremely stupid woman.

Doctor Who and the Silurians (Part One) shows.acast.com/wheezing/epi...

Friday

The UK, where the day after a decision to take half a million children out of poverty, the media & political world has been full of sneering at those same children & their families, labelling them as ‘Benefits Street’, while the same people are moaning about a tax on £2m mansions. Shameful stuff.

Srsly. Does Heath not have anyone? A partner, a mother, a sibling? Anyone who loves him? A cousin that remembers him fondly to stage an intevention? An editor who does not loathe him to stop this? ANYONE?

"You will be visited by three spirits." The three spirits:

Has John Cleese had a bit of work done?

Thursday

Tax people who say ‘y’all’ irrespective of whether they’re American or not.

As the Budget concludes, Sir John Major's words are more relevant than ever. Both the Labour Government and Conservative opposition are being wretchedly timid in their policy aspirations. They must confront the consequences of Brexit if they want to prevent further damage.

Billionaires. What's stopping you from making your Al robots look like this?

Bluesky is like Thought For The Day, but the topic is always bought round to Doctor Who rather than Jesus.

Wednesday

Merry Xmas Everybody by Slade but all the lyrics are 'are you hanging up your stocking on your wall'

'He fell on his arse. He fell flat on his fookin' arse!'

My dad when I try and introduce him to any songs beyond the 80s:

Tuesday

It's time to end the arguments, they've gone on much too long. Here is the definitive ranking of Star Wars: 1. Star Wars (film, 1977) 2. Star Wars (comic book series, 1977-present) 3. Star Wars (video game, 1983) 4. Star Wars (novelisation, 1976) 5. Star Wars (proposed missile defence system, 1983)

A bold choice

Is it time for bed yet? I'm exhausted and very cold.

ME: wanna hear a joke BSKY REPLY PERSON: a what

Monday

Why not waste an hour of your life listening to our hellzapoppin podcast about "cheap things" This week #AliExpress tat... Because why not? www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-463-mess-... (Groin content optional)