I’m having lunch with Dwayne Johnson and I’m not sure whether I should complain about the really tough fish. I’m between a rock and a hard plaice.

I’ve just had an advanced copy of the sequel to the award winning Unleash Your Creative Monster. I illustrated it over a year ago (hundreds of individual drawings) and there’s so much in there that I’d completely forgotten about. I think it’s out in April - look out for it!

The boys of the NYPD choir should be out there catching real criminals.

Myrrh is what people from Hull call the bar owner from the Simpsons.

It used to be a Christmas tradition for our whole family to go down the pub, come home after a few hours and deck the halls. To be honest I’m surprised the Halls carried on living next door for as long as they did.

This is high praise indeed from the offspring of @heritage.bsky.social

I’m really excited to have my first ever graphic novel out in February. If you’ve got a 7-11 year old who likes a laugh, I reckon they’ll enjoy it. You can preorder a copy now and it’ll be like a christmas present for me and your child - sort of. www.penguin.co.uk/books/463333...

I’ve done some things in my past that I find difficult to talk about for example there was the time I picked a peck of pickled pepper.

My dad telling us how he carved the turkey after mum spent the past three days in the kitchen.

Walkie talkie love triangle: Roger, it's Eva - it's over. Roger. Roger that Eva. Why over? Over. I'm rogering Ivor, Roger. Over.

Recently my feet have started smelling like minty sweets. I think I might have TicTac Toe.

🎅🏻 🏴‍☠️ 🎤

How Dutch people get rid of unfashionable footwear

This year I bought a real Christmas tree which the kids love so much more than the imaginary one we usually have.

A tough, uncompromising detective duo who don’t play by the rules. They are…

Just dropped a stack of these off at the Eric Morecambe Centre in Harpenden as I was passing. I’m doing my show there in April - I reckon tickets would make a great Christmas present! everyonetheatres.com/whats-on/ola...

Got one of those tree things to make the car smell nice

Never annoy an Italian baker - they pummel the focaccia

I’m going to bump this one more time because who knows when I’ll write another. The good thing about subscribing to my Substack is that your inbox will never be flooded with updates.

This and many more bad jokes are from my joke book (which makes a splendid stocking filler if I do say so myself) www.amazon.co.uk/Poo-Pogo-Sti...

Life advice: Always keep these two apart.

I stupidly posted this at a time when every sensible person had gone to bed so I’m bumping it now. Enjoy!

I’ve written a new Substack which contains news, insights into my life, some jokes and the answer to the following question ‘How do you say 'Bum-faced snail' in Korean?’ Please do Read/Subscribe/Share Olaf X olaffalafel.substack.com/p/how-do-you...

Once I’d finally perfected my cloning machine I was beside myself.

Donald Trump winning the ‘FIFA Peace Prize’ is like when I didn’t win at school sports day so my mum made me a medal out of a yoghurt lid.

I am thoroughly stoked, chuffed and honoured to have won a LOLLIE award for Trixie Pickle Art Avenger - Toxic Takedown. It was completely unexpected and such a joyous morning meeting loads of lovely people (I got to meet Michael Rosen dressed as Scrooge too!)

I used to steal from my first employer but if anyone noticed I’d distract them by dancing like the guy from The Happy Mondays. I eventually got charged with embezzlement.

Who did your guttering mate?

Elf realisation

Elf realisation

A few from the Snoopy trail in the Fleet Street Quarter yesterday. @hazelmpinner.bsky.social

Once I’d finally perfected my cloning machine I was beside myself.

If you look out of your windows tonight you might see her…

One of the girls left a review

How have you spent your Saturday mornings? I’ve been entertaining a load of Brownies (not sure what the collective noun for Brownies is).

SNOOPUBS!!!

If you’re in central London over the next six weeks, there’s a Snoopy Trail in the Fleet Street Quarter. I’ve illustrated the map that shows where all 12 Snoopys are…

It’s National Illustration Day today - here’s a farting hyena that I’ve drawn from the new picture book I’ve got coming out next year. #nationalillustrationday

Terrible to see the west coast gang culture infiltrating the UK

I quit my job at a bank vault due to bullion in the workplace.

My dry cleaner is much more reliable than the alcoholic one.

When Barry Chuckle died they should have planted a 2 metre Yew.

10 Children’s books for February in the @thebookseller.com this week and 10th February just so happens to be my birthday. Coincidence? Hmmm I’m not so sure 🧐

Looks like I’m going to have to put some effort in now that I’ve been legitimised

That’s what I call fusion cuisine - Chinese combined with Lancashire

It's ironic that illustrators with loads of work and illustrators without any work are both overdrawn.

If you’d like to get your hand on “one of the most starkly affecting comics you’ll read this year” (Broken Frontier), 5 MORE MINUTES is now available from my online shop: hannahberry.bigcartel.com/products

I did the show in Exeter five months ago. Hopefully back next year but yet to confirm 👍

I’m bringing my award winning family comedy show to a town near you but only if you live near the places on this poster. Ticket details are here campsite.bio/ofalafel and venues are added as and when they go on sale so please do check back.