We’re going to this! I told the 6 year old last night and he’s been buzzing about it all day today.

Doctor Bananose politely requests your company tomorrow in Salford at 3pm. www.thelowry.com/whats-on/ola...

Small arms dealer = T-Rex croupier

Half term is NOW - Chipping Norton tomorrow then Salford, Hay, Waterstones Piccadilly and Hertford. Get on it! campsite.bio/ofalafel

Half term is only two weeks away and I’ll be in: CHESHAM CHESTER BURNTWOOD CHIPPING NORTON SALFORD HERTFORD Plus the Hay Festival and Piccadilly Waterstones in London - then I’ll probably sleep for a week. More details here: campsite.bio/ofalafel

If I was a hairdresser, I’d hold up a chopping board instead of a mirror at the end just to see how many people still go ‘yeah that’s great’.

Might not put the electric blanket on tonight

Cool for cats

If you know any north west families who want some air conditioned fun - this is happening on Thursday at 3pm

Frankie and Bobby really enjoyed seeing you in Burntwood today...Bobby liked Sponge Barry No Pants best 😅

Chesham and Chester done 👍 Burntwood today. Tickets still available for Chipping Norton and Salford

What’s a Geordie’s favourite pizza? A Howay ‘un

Chester tomorrow and tickets are limited… www.storyhouse.com/whats-on/ola...

My obsession with milk alternatives has gone a bit oaty tea.

SFAOK

CHESHAM FAMILIES!!! I’m doing my Stupid family comedy show at the Elgiva Theatre on Saturday. Get a ticket while you still can! elgiva.com/olaf-falafel/

Like two peas in a pod

I do this a lot apparently- and I’ve passed it down to my eldest daughter

Tartare Sauce sachet for sale - near mint.

I’ve had emergency cords installed in every room of my house in case I soil the pair I’m wearing.

Tartare Sauce sachet for sale - near mint.

My obsession with milk alternatives has gone a bit oaty tea.

Elijah Wood/Wood Elijah?

Well that was fun!

I only need to visit Chesham twice more this year to qualify for citizenship

I’ve just been scammed at the funfair - I spent over £50 trying to win a prize on 'Knock down all the members of Chumbawumba'.

Looking forward to representing Chicken City on Saturday 🐔 💪

Water flossers are great from removing bits of food from between your teeth but I also find they’re really useful for when the front of your shirt and trousers are too dry.

I describe my company’s current trading status by using the phrase ‘The wheels are falling off’ which is great because my company makes clown cars.

SUNDAY SALFORD SHOUT OUT I’m doing my kid’s comedy show in Salford this half term and ticket sales are S-L-O-O-O-O-W so if you know any North West families who want something fun to do in a fortnight, please share this with them! O x www.thelowry.com/whats-on/ola...

Took one of the smalls to see @ofalafel.bsky.social today. Kiddo enjoyed it, as did I. No idea if Sunny enjoyed it though

Half term is only two weeks away and I’ll be in: CHESHAM CHESTER BURNTWOOD CHIPPING NORTON SALFORD HERTFORD Plus the Hay Festival and Piccadilly Waterstones in London - then I’ll probably sleep for a week. More details here: campsite.bio/ofalafel

What do you get if you cross a box with a dead squirrel covered in Marmite? Thrown out of the polling station.

Just heard the inventor of bubblewrap shoes has popped his clogs

My next door neighbour is Corgi registered after that incident with one of the Queen’s dogs

Is Chipping Norton a humour dead spot?

Ticket sales for my family show in Chipping Norton (May 27th) are the lowest on my tour which leads me to believe this specific part of Oxfordshire is a humour blackhole. Please share with anyone CN people you know - they won’t regret coming along! www.chippingnortontheatre.com/events/olaf-...

Iron Man is a Fe male.

My favourite Shakespeare play about shoving felt tip pens up your bum is Colouryouranus.

People who liked this also liked these: #maythe4th #maythefourth

I recut The Phantom Menace so it’s just the really cool trade dispute/taxation/politics bits.

My favourite Shakespeare play about shoving felt tip pens up your bum is Colouryouranus.

My outside door sounds like Britney

Please share this with fun-loving families. Please also share it with boring families and hopefully I can cure them. Tour dates and ticket links here: campsite.bio/ofalafel

I recut The Phantom Menace so it’s just the really cool trade dispute/taxation/politics bits.

Jokes about the way Yoda speaks are out of order.

I MAY be near you in MAY. Family comedy and comic book workshops. campsite.bio/ofalafel

No YOU’RE juvenile

Make your own crunchy ‘Bombay Mix’ style snack by cleaning down the side of the oven.

Dave, Don’t Give Up! Is out in a month’s time. It’s a tale of resilience and persistence and it’s also an emotional rollercoaster with lots of funny bits (lost flamingos, a farting hyena and a blizzard of lizard laundry). You can preorder now (it would definitely make a good Father’s Day present!)