Our very special Opening Day / Q1 2026 episode, with @randballsstu.bsky.social and @jonmarthaler.com: shows.acast.com/34664988-b72...

Elbow Lake is so named because it looks like a bent arm, NOT because it's a macabre inland ocean of elbow bones. Would have been a way more interesting profile.

This is so fucking funny

Little bit of everything in Midwest Excellence today, including a video of me playing "Smooth" on TouchTunes in 2014.

Want to feel old? All the teenagers who used to email Rockstar Games asking why you can't shoot dogs in Grand Theft Auto now work for the federal government

Gang. GANG. Here's that Ghanian bootleg Cheers artwork you were looking for.

Opening Day should 1) include all 30 teams 2) schedule every game to start at the same exact time 3) mandate that the first pitch for all 15 games be thrown simultaneously to see if we can open some kind of Baseball Wormhole

this goes for so much of the right wing ecosystem. the same guys who scream “DEI hire” would sink to the ocean if they weren’t kept afloat by their far right sugar daddies

Little bit of everything in Midwest Excellence today, including a video of me playing "Smooth" on TouchTunes in 2014.

this is my shocked face

As an American Jew it feels like I’m watching a 100-year flood of antisemitism rising in our country but for some reason we decided to deploy all of our available sandbags against anti-genocide college students

I covered this story for Defector because it falls under two of my beats, Amazon's Reacher News & Views and Suburban Brain Disorder. defector.com/suburban-hom...

In today's newsletter I talked about how the war with Iran is the sort of thing which, if described plainly, is nothing but incoherent stupidity. So our media's response is to not describe it plainly. www.cupofcoffeenews.com/cup-of-coffe...

Today in Midwest Excellence, I wrote about a good, long walk and why being poor sucks. midwest-excellence.ghost.io/the-poverty-...

An actual war hero from Maine, Joshua Chamberlain, quit his job at a college and learned how to defeat Lee by reading a book about how to be a military officer. He read a book. Anyway. They should have hanged Lee outside the White House.

context-free screencap from DTF St. Louis, a super-weird show i'm enjoying a lot

“That Reacher is big on TV but he’s probably a pussy in real life” is a perfect Reacher setup

I aspire to the level of Suburban Brain Excellence required to start a physical fight with Jack Reacher because you perceive him to be in violation of HOA bylaws. www.theguardian.com/film/2026/ma...

New at Midwest Excellence: Facebook is bad.

this fallacy isn't just shared about Cuba, it's the mindset of our entire foreign policy because it would seem no one currently in charge of our country has read a single book, including the Bible, that explains clearly regime change comes about by giving the people what they want, not killing them

The closer he gets to the end the more obvious it is when he's making shit up as he goes. None of this is a thing. He's just yanking ideas out of the Poltergeist closet in his head.

New at Midwest Excellence: Facebook is bad.

there's gonna be a punt in this game

Truly loved the musical number in this week’s DTF Saint Louis.

Thanks again to the hilarious Nikki Glaser for inviting this insane weirdo to interrupt her speech and surprise Conan last March at The Kennedy Center when he got his Mark Twain Prize. #FlashbackFriday @nikkiglaser.bsky.social youtube.com/shorts/RfHXY...

The same party that murders nurses, abducts children, blows up schools, and made everything more expensive wants to make it harder for you to vote. I don’t have a joke here. Sorry for sincere posting.

Also, as it's International Women's History Month, meet Orval's brewmaster Anne-Françoise Pypaert drinkbelgianbeer.com/breweries/me...

I hope this never ends

"take me to the balkans please!" is another raftery all time

I’m pretty sure in space I could hear stuff.

Well that was fun. Customer that was just in the shop coached little league baseball with Paul Westerberg. Heard some good stories. One was during practices Paul just liked to shag balls in the outfield because he could hold his glove in front of his face and smoke so the kids wouldn't see.

There’s this widely held belief that Duke gets more favorable whistles than other teams, particularly in March. And they do!

"papa, tell us about the time you sued Prince."

objectively perfect

My thoughts are with the Krassensteins

yeah sure man making your murderous goons the face of the entire airport security process so people all over the country can get a taste of what Minnesota went through while flight prices climb because of your stupid war is going to fix your popularity issue great plan, no notes

no, no, I didn't say he scored 'in transition,' I said he scored 'in Transitions'

ME: Hi, I'm back. DR. ROBBY: This is Mike. He's in every week with a new penis injury. ME: No, just a stomach ache today. I think I ate some bad shrimp. RESIDENT: There's blood pouring down his pant leg. ME: That's not my penis. I have an open Ziploc bag of blood in my pocket. DR. ROBBY: Pants him.

“god I miss Laura”

This is a crazy headline: sports.yahoo.com/articles/cha...

Goddamn @shitrock.bsky.social did it again

There’s an item in today’s @randballsstu.bsky.social Midwest Excellence newsletter about disgraced Twin Cities car salesman Denny Hecker. It reminded me that I once taught one of his children. You’ll be shocked to learn that Denny was not an involved father and he did not come to conferences.

Chuck Norris jokes were the first memes that people who weren't funny could join in on. A true harbinger.

hear em out

In today's Midwest Excellence, a local sportswriter asked me to outline the differences between new Vikings punter Johnny Hekker and local crime doer Denny Hecker. Free to read!

Down to Flens: St. Louis

Coming in at number 82 in our Midwest Excellence countdown of Minnesota counties: Morrison. They deserve it.

Two separate people have texted me to let me know they're going to the bar right now because they want to be around people if Duke loses.

whenever ron johnson gets re-elected