Great. Now your mum is disappointed for TWO reasons.

Summer is coming. LOOK how cool these N̶e̶r̶d̶s̶ lovely people are. www.infinitebacon.com/tshirts

Took my 91 year old blind grandma out to vote earlier and she shouted out "please help me my annoying grandson has forced me outside again to participate in one of his sub-prime formulaic generic tweets" and all the crowd cheered.

She’s Lost Control Collage made from Wills cigarette cards, Ladybird books, 1960s Parade & Women’s Realm magazines, 1960s wallpaper, marker pen, felt tip, watercolour

Forcing myself to close Chrome tabs that I might need again in 6 months:

Maybe the real winners of the Winter Olympics were the penises injected along the way ☺️

Got stuck in a backpack (shoulders/confusion) in John Lewis. Had to ask for help. Assistant: “Perhaps you’d be safer with a tote?” SAFER WITH A TOTE.

Something something the ones you most expect

Currently wearing recycled flannel PJs (I bought them last week)

Is someone about to die at the Baftas?

Pinned due to so many DMs: 1. The book is at the printers 2. It was always the intention to mail end Jan/early Feb 3. Books take a while plus I had to wait til at least NYE and the printers didn’t start back til last week 4. Yes you can still buy it here shop.printtrail.com/product/a-de... Thank you

I’ve taken my @tokyosexwhale.bsky.social t-shirt to the pub for a quiet one

Shout out to people wondering what the opposite of in is.

🎶when I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary calls to me, singing words of wisdom, Leccy B.🎶

I don’t wanna be fuck buddies but I’ll give you a

In case you missed it earlier today. My first Iso mix in 4 months has gone up. You know what to expect. Be lovely if you gave it a listen or shared it with someone you know who'd like it ✊🏻

For just 3.99/hour I will perch above your front door like a human gargoyle and screech at passers-by. I will also do this if you don't pay me

ask your doctor if lying down in the forest to be consumed by the earth is right for you

Who called it a waxing technician and not a

Finished picture:

Devastated to not be included in the “tag your friends” thing and at the same time, sooooooo glad to not be included in the “tag your friends” thing

Unfortunate truncation.

2026 basically

Andrew uses his one phone call to call Babestation.

AITA “I did a funny reply to someone who doesn’t follow me but is very well known and they’ve not acknowledged it and I have not basked in their reflected popularity. Should I quote post them with the joke, do my own post or respond to another popular poster with the same until I get my 5 likes?”

If I dressed like this until Easter, would the kids say "he's giving UP for Lent"?

Finished this today too. Made some changes and happy now. . ‘Miss Felicia against Green.’ Acrylic on panel 2025 25cm x 30cm #gayart #gaythemed #gay #queerart #gayartist

-Are you mad at me?- Send to all.

Normalize laughing derisively in men's faces when they deserve it.

My Brazilian Butt Lift is doing wonders for my Mens Mental Health lads 🥰 might get the other side done next week ! #boom #jokes #wassup

25% off my second book at Waterstones when you pre-order with the code FEB26 www.waterstones.com/book/get-ahe...

If anyone dos this to me, I will haunt the shit out of them

This doesn’t surprise me because once again the LLMs are flattery models by default. They respond to the cues of your questions & react to your tone. They. Don’t. Challenge. You. By. Default.

hate this time of year, having to ask the council for a couple more paper recycling bins for my valentines cards and they're like 'again Mr Boranga? this is not sustainable, you simply must stop getting better with age', to which I always have to reply 'I can't'

(1/11) If you live in NY, you’ve probably started seeing a new warning: “THIS PRICE WAS SET BY AN ALGORITHM USING YOUR PERSONAL DATA.” This mandatory disclosure went into effect late last year, and it’s the first attempt by a US state to grapple with a new generation of surveillance pricing.

Tougher custodial sentences for use of the phrase 'Turns out this is fake but it's still funny.'

I did too many things on the weekend and now I need a break before I go back to work 😭😭😭

When your dad's just told you he's signed power of attorney over to the woman from the alternative therapy shop.

Happy Valentines Day #Birds

Roses are red, Luke Littler does darts,

Your poems are shit, and so are your stunts. You shout at hotels, you wife-beating cunts.

I would like to wish all my female followers a happy Valentines day - even the ones who aren't sexy! #woke

No matter how many mass murders are committed by white males you'll never see a public outcry to end healthcare for or abolish the rights of white males. #TransRightsAreHumanRights 🏳️‍⚧️

This new drafts feature is a godsend, imagine if I’d posted this.

Happy Valentine’s Day, from us to you. Tag your exes. Xoxox