I always get a crush on someone on taskmaster and I’m not willing to go through that again. I’m 45 it’s ridiculous.

It must be gutting for your lot when you see what I look like then find out I’ve got no personality.

If you’ve not watched Hacks yet you are so lucky. Because you have 4 whole seasons of excellent comedy to watch!

He’s been testing foundations in Boots again.

Looks to see if I should follow new follower back. Sees AI video.

This is the final straw!

I’m not saying my sense of direction is bad but I just got lost on my exercise bike. Just a bad joke to say I’m still living life by the bike.

Holland and Barrett asking me to give 50p to Comic Relief each time I go in. How is this ok? I give to charity all the time, support fundraisers of friends and family regularly. Then the cashier made a little note down on a pad. Counting the amount of tight bastards coming in I guess?

I saw Kanye West and Jay Z back when they were just cunts.

I don’t believe that Artemis II landed on the moon

NATO wasn’t there when I needed them too babes. Better off without those 🐍.

Going to blockbuster to pick up a film wasn’t better you were just young then and your body wasn’t trying to constantly attack you

Goes to bed at 10 and I’m still up. Right night babies.

I don’t believe that Artemis II landed on the moon

PSG should’ve thrashed them there. Ridiculous good chances not taken with bad shots and over playing. 2 possible pens and I thought both were.

This is the final straw!

Who made this?

My sexy era launch really got interrupted there for a minute.

It’s mad that this is also my laminated “allowed” list.

Where are your FIFA Peace prize jokes today eh? Not so cocky now are we? Never doubt FIFA, FIFA are inevitable!

Cut to Keir’s COBRA meeting.

Tbf he lost a war in record time.

Dad do we need this many protein yoghurts?

Richard Madeley is talking about how bad shoplifting is again.

Looks like we’re going down on the moon.

Oh my gosh I just realised how this sounded.

When thin people share a picture of fat person on here to say they have over ate a bit. Fucking love that, that’s a class joke that. Keep doing that.

He just saved the world from nuclear disaster. Fair enough it was his finger on the button but the point stands.

When I get a new follower

Where are your FIFA Peace prize jokes today eh? Not so cocky now are we? Never doubt FIFA, FIFA are inevitable!

Starmer is so out of touch, he still does International Talk Like A Pirate Day.

I’ve not ventured into the Animal Kingdom tv show but the film is brilliant. Although Aunty Donna might have ever so slightly ruined it in my brain.

I’ll do it myself if you can get me close enough.

Just listening to the War Child 2 album in the limpest thing I could do towards the days events.

I wonder what WW 3 will look like from space?

Who made this?

Looks like we’re going down on the moon.

It’s another worrying day where everything Owen Jones says is right.

Sickening all this because they didn’t know about basic international oil routes.

The dentist told me I was sexy or something. I’m not sure, there was a lot of compliments going round.

Wireless festival? More like device not found festival #amirite

I’ve just doubled the value of my car. I filled the petrol tank up. A lovely bit of banter you can use during Trump’s war and the petrol crisis.

Erm, they're called palaeontologists, actually.

This for example is fake.

Introducing JML’s Eat, Pray Glove. This 2 in 1 glove helps you Eat and when you’ve finished also pray. For just £19.99 and if you order today you get an Eat, Pray Bath Mat completely free

Wireless festival? More like device not found festival #amirite

Japanese artist Masayo Fukuda hand-cut this life-sized octopus from one sheet of paper. Known as Kirie in Japanese (translated as “cut picture”), the art form involves cutting intricate forms from a single sheet of white paper and then contrasting it against a black background to reveal the design.

97 sleep score. It’s so over for you guys.

I hope the Alien they “accidentally” bring back on Artemis II is well trained to take out the leader.