Three Billboards Sausage Ebbing, Missouri

Sausage Jones and the Temple of Doom. Am I doing this right?

A proper sports car, next to some ugly white American thing and some sort of BMW.

@brianwoolfinder.bsky.social will be all over these

Give up now, it saves time

This photo just came up in my memories. I made an auxiliary lap from an old pair of jeans for when my real lap was unavailable, and it actually worked 😀

Someone once smashed the quarter light on my car, perhaps I should have shot them 10 times.

Melania is a remake of Pretty Woman, but with Nazis.

An Apprentice contestant is a twat? Huge if true

Elvis Costello scribbles out the first line of his soon to be hit song

Yourself but as a cartoon.

Back of @penk.bsky.social's van

Cat still hates me, but she's taken to hiding in the cat carrier I have left out and baited with Dreamies, big mistake. You shall go to the vet, Cinders

Despite all your hilarious jokes, Signal is not compromised and repeatedly saying it is will not help anyone, you idiots.

I've said it before, but MAGA men are absolutely mad for cock.

"Hi, my name is Matta, and I'm a total fucking helmet"

Used to be a slot for 50p pieces from Granada. Guess that's progress

Absolutely nothing wrong with this. Proper council food. @barcajim3.bsky.social

All the more for the rest of us.

Seal is no longer returning his calls

Unfortunately I will be unable to attend the upcoming Harry Styles tour, as I think he's fucking shit. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

So, the lung collapses are most likely caused by pneumatocele* on my lung rupturing. Being referred to the thoracic unit in Bristol to have the pneumatocele removed and carry out pleurodesis** *air filled ’blisters' **stick my lungs to my chest wall Should be fun.

Putting a mask on in case I catch fascism in the waiting room.

All this fuss about measles, I had all the childhood illness back in the day, and look at me now, sat in a hospital waiting for yet another X-Ray for my stupid fucked lungs

Hospital car park waiting from my appointment time. Empty car park, so obviously some dopey old cunt parks right next to me and them hits my car with his fucking door. Cunt

Coming soon to CNN. 'A Nazi Abroad' - Gregory Bovino Moves to Argentina

Grown man unable to come to terms with the fact that Jennifer Aniston will never sleep with him

Conservative HQ

Cats are fucking stupid, mine would rather lick all the fur off the base of her tail than allow me to treat her for the fleas causing it. Little shite

A simple script can respond with, "We can't be bothered, here's a crime number for the insurance, now piss off. Unless you're female and vulnerable, in which case Office Seedy Pig will be right over"

@williamshuttoh.bsky.social was there

He looks like something that was green and spoke in a series of wet clicking noises in the bar on Deep Space 9

Cruella stoically fights to hold on to her breakfast as the combination of Tabac aftershave, Marlboro, Doom Bar and lax dental hygiene washes over her

Unless you make your excuses before the main course and the house mysteriously burns down while you are having a pint in the local

Having a pint, pub is empty, bliss

White bread, bacon, sausage, egg, haggis, black pudding, more bacon. Not toasted

It's a tough old life being a cat.

Unit #DogsInPubs

Kash Patel there; keeping one eye on the dancefloor, the other on the buffet.

Installing the Jellyfin app on an LG TV with WebOS is hell. Pick through the agreements to try and prevent them harvesting all your data, then create an account, then log in and install it, then setup firewall rules so that it can see the LAN but not connect to the internet. Cunts

Just shut down a pub conversation about immigration with things called 'facts'

Guinness for dinner and haggis for tea, multicultural AF, me

My car needs washing, but I can't be fucking arsed

Head cold has migrated to my chest and coughing carries risk for me these days ...

Charlie Bigham bums dogs

Tell me I'm not the only one confusing DHS with those sofa cunts, DFS

Clayhill's Northern Soul set to a video of a truck driving in the north of England is beyond relaxing. Try it www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ck0...

Everything is shit, I'm going to listen to Clayhill to make things nicer