The Mariners pitching piggyback plan:

The Seattle Mariners have been one hit twice in three days

Modified Six-Man Rotation™

Perry Hill why would you do this

Lotta routine outs at shortstop tonight. Interesting.

it's weird to consider that trumps approval rating also essentially doubles as a survey of the percentage of americans who are warmly disposed to extremely positive on the issue of Pedophilia

A Mariners shortstop that can throw the ball overhand, what a concept

Any offense, no matter how minor, committed by someone that can fairly be described as an “attention-seeking crypto enthusiast” should be death penalty eligible 👍

That’s right

Wemby will send the Thunder to Hell where they belong

The website has suffered a DDoS (doo doo ass) attack

I love the fadeout on this, it simulates a dude at the bar who's still talking even as I excuse myself and hurry elsewhere

Musk v Altman JUDGE: The jury has sent a question and the answer is no, the death penalty is not "available for both sides" please return to the jury room and limit your consideration to civil damages.

billable hours wins again. running up the score

oh my god they have both been sentenced to death

DAN WILSON [watching a pitcher clearly not Have It]: This guy's Got It.

euthanize

(rolls up sleeves) all right. Let’s get started

Saw several posts about Grogu. Not sure what's going on there but maybe this will help: swanboy.com/comic/mandal...

"birth rates are declining" don't care I already got born

Guy with visible stink lines: the birth rate,

I am declaring an Ovlov Summer. Prepare your listening habits accordingly or die.

I'm sorry.

Getting mogged by your judge is crazy

Caught in a barb wire fence, twisted sideways, pants ripped down to my ankles. Outsmarted again by gophers. Suddenly, I see dust billowing up from the horizon. It’s a convoy of rental cars! Hundreds of national reporters are on their way to ask me about gas prices and woke

isso é Arrested Development

Best smooth-brain phrase I've heard since "idea landlords"

Soulless, like their franchise

new low-level conspiracy theory: this is a humiliation ritual for mike vrabel the league can’t punish him for his season of free love so they’re making him go out on opening night to get his dick flattened on national TV while everyone remembers how bad he got his dick flattened in the super bowl

Pass Rush treating Drake Maye like a rag doll and then we cut to a segment of Vrabel apologizing to his team for using Russini like a ragd- (Transmission interrupted)

By the end of Jackson’s first scene you’re like “I trust this scary guy, and I want him to be my friend as well.” And he would be.

Ah. I see the problem now.

trump: no one knows why it's called 8mm. the director doesn't even know. but i'm watching it and nicholas cage, he's on top of Machine and i said "don't do it," i said "don't stab Machine," but he does it. melania, our beautiful first lady was watching too weren't you? melania, off mic: he stab hem

This is a @lightbat.bsky.social prospect name

Hantavirus is no joke 😂 That's why I've started washing my hands after touching rat feces 🐀 What are doing differently to fight hantavirus?💪

Yahaha! You found me!

Luke has scored more points than the 9ers did in the divisional game.

ME: team rocket will never steal these rare Pokémon! Not unless they wanna take on me and my fully evolved Miss Cigarettes! MISS CIGARETTES: miss cigarettes

Important development: the StarFox energy drink is called Eagle Slop???

imagine tracy morgan reading this aloud

This is how every other country imagines life in America