Jesse
@jessedumb.bsky.social
📤 2044
📥 774
📝 2735
Swamp monk
the stars are air holes
about 2 years ago
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I'm too old to be a skeptic now. The alien mummies are real. Bigfoot is real. The cosmic serpent is real. But the chupacabra? 100% fake.
about 2 years ago
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SneezingWithWetMascara
about 2 years ago
Unbothered. Moisturized. Happy. In My Lane. Focused. Flourishing
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Roxi Horror 💀🌸
about 2 years ago
People think octopuses love October because they both begin with "octo" but the truth is that octopuses spend the whole month getting excited for Halloween because they are capable of giving out candy extremely quickly & efficiently.
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Jason Goes to Hell
about 2 years ago
Me and the homie looking at you right after you suggest we steal the Declaration of Independence.
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🦊 Crepuscular Fox & Crow, for Bartleby Endeavors 🎥
about 2 years ago
My home’s hallways are lined with oil portraits of my ancestors in hand carved frames composed entirely of Arby’s beef sandwiches.
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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 💀
about 2 years ago
Fruit cocktail is the most disappointing of all the cocktails.
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soul nate
about 2 years ago
in the 90’s, computers would scream every time you went online. that‘s called foreshadowing
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D.N. Schmidt, sci-fi novelist🪐📚
about 2 years ago
The waiter said my steak was rare but it turns out there are literally thousands of steaks.
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undead girlfriend
about 2 years ago
laughing out longingly
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You ever pirate a movie? Give it 3.14 stars every time.
about 2 years ago
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We need to return to the days when the only "bit coin" was an old pirate nibbling a doubloon to make sure the gold was real.
about 2 years ago
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Asked my coworker when they were getting into the office today. They said “15 to 20 minutes Max.” Seven years working together and they never remember that my name is Jesse.
about 2 years ago
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If I die in a tragedy, you're allowed to make fun of it. What am I gonna do, complain?
about 2 years ago
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Nice pillow sham you got there. Would be a shame if you added an e to the end.
about 2 years ago
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Lena Wife
about 2 years ago
doctor mario
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dillo (yakubian mamba)
about 2 years ago
see a post from a moot? go ahead and fave it. there's no reason not to. it's free
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You can unlock any door by being emotionally vulnerable with it. Communication is key.
about 2 years ago
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When you repost your own posts
about 2 years ago
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They raised the price of the gas station air pump by 25 cents. That’s the cost of inflation.
about 2 years ago
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Hot Dads in Your Area Want to Know Who Messed With the Thermostat
about 2 years ago
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angela wheezy
about 2 years ago
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they/them might be giants ☭
about 2 years ago
The thing about spells is that you always have to look them up in some rare old book. You want to reverse a spell? Another old book, or maybe an obscure scroll or an ancient amulet. Nobody’s inventing new spells or magical objects anymore. Where is the innovation in the witchcraft industry?
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blaaaaaaaaaines
about 2 years ago
the best thing about an amish flash mob is the free barn
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There is a steakhouse with a 20 ft tall ceiling from which the choicest cuts of meat dangle. If you can grab one, you eat for free. No one has ever achieved this. The steaks are too high.
about 2 years ago
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donni saphire
about 2 years ago
Every day is a gift, but lots of them are cheap promotional gifts, like cup holders
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𝗖👽𝗥𝗟🎃WEEN
about 2 years ago
Laying on a heated rock and waiting for crickets to crawl into my mouth
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Lord of the Rings is awesome because someone can shout “Crebain from Dunland!” and all the characters understand perfectly but you, the observer, are never told what a crebain is or learn where Dunland is. It rules.
about 2 years ago
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Kristi Yamaguccimane
about 2 years ago
For sale: clown shoes, your size.
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count jonkula
about 2 years ago
When the beans are garbanzo
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Because the journey of 500 hours begins with a single step
add a skeleton here at some point
about 2 years ago
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
about 2 years ago
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L Ron Mexico
about 2 years ago
By 2025 the internet will be completely unusable. You could Google how to treat a rattlesnake bite and they’d make you watch a crypto ad before showing you an article written by AI that tells you to order a snickers from grubhub
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ginger
about 2 years ago
*trying to connect with my mutuals* wow i sure love being Thirty Six years old!!
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lizard
about 2 years ago
making a terrible point in the mushroom discourse, call that a shiitake
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full slack
about 2 years ago
no producer has ever made a beat that goes as hard as the washing machine
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holden m. accountable
about 2 years ago
And they’re saying we delved too greedily, they’re saying—do we like delving, folks? Do we love it. Mo-ri-a. We dug a thousand perfect mines, okay, but the elves, they don’t want you to know, and they’ve been very nasty to me
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about 2 years ago
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John of the North
about 2 years ago
everyone is kung-fu fighting a battle you know nothing about, be kind
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Creating a vegan alternative to communion wafers called I Can't Believe It's Not Jesus!
about 2 years ago
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Jade Munkii
about 2 years ago
The existential dread here is more comforting.
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Pyramid Chad
about 2 years ago
Not a cellphone in sight, just people living in the moment
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