Change one letter and ruin a candy GERDs Gummy Clusters

back on my bullshit

Quote post a favorite photo of yourself from any era ❤️

Let's cross the street. Yes I see that bus coming, but we have right of way. Of course it'll stop. Oh please, why on earth would Sandra Bullock be driving a bus

EVERYTHING IS BULLSHIT

My dog is a fearless badass until the robot vacuum bumps into her.

Not to brag but I got a full 8 hours of over-thinking

If you say Mountain Dew three times in the mirror, Wilford Brimley will appear and give you type three diabetes.

trying to sleep: eyes closed ✅ room dark but not too dark ✅ quiet but not too quiet ✅ cold but covered with some feathers ✅ horizontal, head on some feathers ✅ brain: ‘did you hear that sound from 3 rooms away? let’s think about a conversation from 2006’

I'm not wrong my memory is wrong.

Adding lots of new words to my moderation filters today wheeeee

I’m in an unreasonably good mood, let me get on social media and fix it

Well not with that attitude it isn’t

These fridge magnets spell trouble.

I read a book about orators. It really spoke to me.

share a cartoon from the past that kids today probably never heard of

“Pssst, it’s 2 AM, thought I’d let you know.” - Bladder “Good, you’re awake! Let’s process petty shit right now.” - Brain “I’ve missed you.” - Insomnia

I’m not so much cloaked in Gucci and in scandal as I am cloaked in T.J. Maxx and anxiety.

one thing that i think is good to do is shape your perspective for the day before you have looked at the news and then also, for the rest of the day, don’t look at the news

Nice

Liter o’soup

Still mourning for Circuit City

It’s after 6 - why am I still wearing clothes?

If sitting at your kitchen table slightly drunk, watching the sunset, and listening to those old songs that meant something is wrong, then I don't want to be right

An unsolicited Dik-Dik pic

JFC what’s with all the hog on the newskies feed 😳

“It’s not a competition” - losers

“the girlfriend of one of the founders of antifa”

My “beauty sleep” would have to be a lengthy coma.

Harvest moon tonight

Ernest Goes To El Salvador

LOL trying to search “mastodon” shows no results. Starting to feel like X in here.

Mastodon? Hahahahaha no.

her: I like bad boys me:

never look back

me: your honor, if we might request a brief recess judge: granted me: hell yeah monkey bars

I should take a trip to Wales

I may not be likable but I’m also not wealthy too.

Basically: I'm doing okay until I'm not.

Some days all I can muster is looking at the pictures

I always thought that a ride share was when you had an open marriage.

Shutdown: The Musical

Nothing ruins my Friday more than waking up to discover that it’s still only Thursday.

“No worries,” I say, from the fetal position.

Who's your favorite Jedi? (Wrong answers only)

Who let Little Enis out?

I put the at in what the hell is wrong with her

Now this is Content

I put the ope in hopeless

I wonder if my insurance covers time in a medbed