guys, what's stopping you from looking like this?

i'm here

in case no one has told you: you smell really weird right now

guys.... what's stopping you from looking like this?

i'm still here. got nothing to say. sorry

I HAVE TOO MANY REUSEABLE SHOPPING BAGS. THIS IS RIDICULOUS

argha blargha blargh.... i'm not getting anything for christmas this year :(

quarter to one in the morning and i'm kind of craving some a&w burger

my dog has the fartiest bum in the history of dogs with farty bums. i think she's trying to kill me with her butt smells

is it just me or is this place really whiny? so much politics in my feed, it's hard to find a reason to come to this place.

this place, ugh

could go for a holiday creamy vanilla coke right about now... where are they?

read smutts

craving stuffing and mashed potatoes. didn't have thanksgiving this year

strawberry fanta? yea, ok

i wouldn't be upset if someone handed me some sweet and sour pork and deep fried wontons

tasty beverage

someone should tell wave 103.5fm that leonard cohen's "hallelujah" is not a christmas song...

i saw that

tonight's entertainment. dude is strapped to a chair. he just accused his captor of being gay...we enter the scene in progress

nothing but fartfaces as far as the eye can see

da beags

*boops your nose while you spiral*

jfc, that emergency alert just scared the fuck out of me

i just leaned back, opened my throat and let out one righteous belch, if you are looking for a girl to take home to meet momma

reading books to my penis so it can learn how to do other stuff besides penis things

i need to convince someone to go get me a bubble tea. i had a shit day.

the more i read about the ostrich situation, the more i learn the farmers were absolute shitbirds this whole time. ultimately, the birds were culled because they were carriers of the flu virus and would be a threat to all, like typhoid mary.

can't. gotta check out the hook while my dj revolves it

"no one is available to take your call at the moment" you called me, motherfucker wtf

apples, peaches, pears and plums banana na na nana na grapes, grapes do da do da

greatest thing ever!

one of the sucky things about not having kids is being unable to torment them with elf on the shelf

no, you shut up

i'm having a crisis

it really doesn't :/

wow! sugar fixes everything

i put a bunch of sugar in this and it now smells like it should taste good...

i wonder if putting this stuff in the fridge will make it taste better

i'm not eating fish and chips. just singing about them

fish and chips and vinegar, vinegar, vinegar. fish and chips and vinegar. pepper, pepper, pepper, salt.

i have given the beags a slice of pizza and she's forgotten how to work her hind legs

the beags can have the last of the pizza, idgaf

i feel like downloading some airline app on my phone, to give me the fake idea that i can afford to buy a ticket and fly somewhere

i still have pizza left

deluge is a fun word

i just wanna roller skate

anyway, if i ever win the lotto, i am opening up a roller rink

i just learned there's a cafe near my city called kokomo and now i got that stupid beach boys song stuck in my head

rain and a cappuccino would be nice right about now