not gonna rise from the bog today; staying put and letting the swamp magic do with me what it will

Studio Ghibli and chill?

technically, im a high functioning shitstorm

interviewer: what's your five year plan me: uhhhhh

attempting the dirty dancing lift with my cat but his upper body strength is just pathetic

My dog is into walkmaxxing and treatmaxxing.

*checks watch* You know what, I've got time to skim a book on witchcraft.

she’s only soft where she is safe

my cat when i tell him i love him

Unfortunate to hear that pre-wedding stress seems to be getting to Taylor Swift. Good luck not exploding. phys.org/news/2026-02...

A film about vending machines, we can call it “Vend It Like Veckham”

It will never not be weird that vast loads of fluffy frozen white hexagonal crystals falls RIGHT OUT OF THE SKY, blankets the landscape, then stays here until the heat from a star a gazillion miles away causes the white stuff to change state and disappear as if it never happened. Life is bananas.

i’m only giving you THIS much time to decide if you like me •turns over lava lamp•

Kurt Vonnegut spotted passing through Riverdale.

I’m at a point in my life where I don’t even know the point I’m at, but I’m at a point

No thanks. If I wanted to hear an old man lie to me about how great of a job he’s doing, I’d go to church

cats during your darkest moment deepest ugly cry session will bust open your door like where's my dinner

before the internet existed, we didn't even have youtube. those were crazy times.

the gifted kid to chronically online adult pipeline

This day in history. 1945. After declaring war against Germany, Egyptian PM Ahmad Pasha was shot dead by Mahmud Issawi of the Young Egypt party whose members didn't want a war interfering with their Lindy Hopping, goldfish eating, and Slinky playing wait I may be thinking of Egypt, Pennsylvania.

The call has been made! NYC Public Schools will have a full snow day tomorrow.

Etiquette question: How much do you tip the exorcist when he casts out your demons?

I must pursue imperfection at all costs.

Still processing the guilt from all those hours I spent on NeoPets. 🥺

listen, girls need pockets because we need a place to put cool rocks and shit

Shhh, world… we’re reading! 🤫📚 #booksky

My 14 year old can explain the difference between a sociopath and a psychopath. I think about that a lot when I’m trying to get to sleep at night.

I insult my enemies in condescending order.

Coffee grinder... oh, you mean bean tornado?

The GenX urge to come see about me, I’ll be alone, dancing, you know it, baby

This day in history. 2017. Following a concert in Agoura Hills California at which he appeared to be falling down drunk TV and pop star David Cassidy announced that it wasn't drunkenness it was dementia and he was going into retirement and then he fell down you guessed it drunk.

back in my day, beans used to be a lot cooler

There can be no higher honor for an actor

does this flamethrower make me look like im ready to set the world on fire?

I just don’t like the vibe of these parents not gonna lie

In the time before smart phones we’d spend these hours placing needles on vinyl and chucking rocks at streetlights

Me: And this is the beer room. Guest: I think most people just call it a kitchen.

Watching the rest of the world's leaders face consequences

Last night, as my wife and I stood staring into the freezer, struggling to pick something for dinner, I proffered, “Chicken piccata?” She turned to me, and in very much her outside voice, sang, “IF YOU LIKE CHICKEN PICCATA…” and I was reminded for the thousandth time that I’d chosen the right woman.

I hope to become some type of strange and beautiful creature

How long does it take a Happy Meal to start working?

Shows him my noods:

As I go through my Sailor Moon Rewatch, I'm struck by how a character's coolness is often tied to how good they are at video games. Simpler times.

There’s a “see what’s in my analog bag” trend popping up online and while I do appreciate the nostalgia, as a Gen-X woman, all I can think is, “I AM an ‘analog bag!’”

𝘒𝘯𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘖𝘶𝘵 is my favorite film about setting the dinner table.

There's lots of things I should do, but not now. Never now.

Find you a man who loves you the way “Vessel” loves Sleep.

They will always be “Tweets” to me.