How are we ever supposed to get the robot version of Chicago on broadway if the robots spend all their time chasing down people for crimes we may or may not have committed?

Convince people you own a penguin by putting up a 'Beware of the Penguin' sign outside your house.

Don’t we all want the same thing: the wind in our hair, the sand between our toes, and slime dripping off our skin? The new slogan for Ooze State Reservoir.

The earthworms all over my driveway didn’t see their lightning shadows so that’s 6 more weeks of roofing and siding salesmen

Still punk as fuck, I tell myself as I rescue my third baby snail from the footpath in as many minutes.

Mab Graves

Robots should stick to Fosse style dance numbers that everyone enjoys.

If you are the person imprisoned in the janitor’s closet, please stop banging and wailing to get out.

REMINDER: Please check your email in the morning for the dreaded murmurations of the dark one, the three eyed seer, the observer of misdeeds, the assistant to the head of HR.

Okay! I admit it! I’m not using basic sentence diagraming on my posts before hitting send.

Here Be Dragons. #birds #art #linocut #linoprint #printmaking #dragon Liquoricelino.etsy.com

🌱🦋🥰

neika design

Let’s all go get that spa treatment where you go in a tub and boa constrictors squeeze you until you can barely breathe.

Alien archaeologists excavating ancient skate parks and theorizing about our religious rituals.

I’ve been volunteering at the community center and reading all of everyone’s posts to the elderly. I’m still working on getting voices right.

To prepare for the water wars of the 2030s, it’s recommended we practice being dehydrated every once in a while.

being a lord during the Mad King's reign is so annoying, his new advisor is a bog witch. you ever try to make small talk with a bog witch?

The drawing class at the local library has been a hit. This may be because pictures taken in our town automatically blur faces. Or it might be because the teacher has such a welcoming smile and a twinkle of menace behind her eyes.

you guys have a gander at these cool blue mushrooms i saw 😊 werewere-kōkako (entoloma hochstetteri)

I’ve been volunteering at the community center and reading all of everyone’s posts to the elderly. I’m still working on getting voices right.

imagine moving to a sleepy little seaside town only to find out there are no daily murders

And in other news, a mayoral candidate has pledged to increase funding for playgrounds, drawing cheers from swing voters.

Interdimensional Portal Of The Week.

🖤

I’ll get to your posts in the order they were received.

Adding a hungry jungle cat to a light jog can really add motivation to the workout.

(eats book from cover to cover, regurgitates wet and steaming clump of pulp) LOOK MOM, I'M AI.

if there is anything meaningful floating around in the series of electrical networks in my head that is currently operating on its backup generator you guys will be the first to know

If I don’t cover my lunch in ancient curses, how will anyone know to avoid it in the office fridge?

I'm not purring because you're near it's an uncontrollable self-soothing reaction to a dark cloud above you, it looks like a jackhammer. Oh I'm not purring at all we are vibing to the center of the earth

The DJ from our local radio station was kidnapped but they keep letting him shows through the gag.

Something tells me not to click on the video of the crazy-eyed bald man who claims to know THE HONEST TRUTH about such and such.

Everyone is talking about the boneless flesh creatures. They’re everywhere!

We must all be humourless during these difficult times. If you must laugh, please do so in a private space where no one can see or hear you. I recommend a closet or possibly a hole in the ground.

Your technician Gary Hammock is on the way! Gary is a skilled Project Installer from Pumpkin, Indiana with a dual degree in bio engineering and arts management. When he’s not on the job, he enjoys spending time with his enthusiastic dog, Nubbins, as well as eating, sleeping, and breathing.

Eikoh Hosoe

Ghost crossing

looks like i picked the wrong day to stop entering inter-dimensional portals

They are in the conference room talking about you. What things they are saying!

REMINDER: Duck and cover will not save you from a bomb. But! Hiding under a desk can support your emotional safety.

how quickly this cult spread it started out with only 12 now look where we’re at

Everyone wants me to imbue their shard with malicious energy. I take their money and imbue their shard with neutral energy. Every. Single. Time. And before you ask, no, the malice of my deed does not stain the shard.

If you need me, I'll be inside this pile of paperclips. See you there!

CNN just interviewed The Thing at the End of Time and it said it would see us soon

well well well. looks like somebody forgot that everything on earth is holy

Before you embark on a journey of revenge, remember to pack a lunchbox in case all that revenge makes you hungry. And have fun out there!

WEATHER: Big sandstorm's blowin' in tonight. Folks're advised t'stay inside an' keep their doors an' windows locked tight, no matter what the raspin' an' clickin' voices on t'other side o' the walls promise.