POLITICS: Assassination attempt on Mayor Butler foiled due to heroic civic leader bein' too drunk t'realize he was stabbed.

EDUCATION: Spring break! The kids're free fer a week, which means competition fer seatin' down at the bar of the Parched Cactus'll be somethin' fierce until it resumes. Also expect a big increase in drunken bar fights until the kindergarteners learn t' hold their liquor.

Have a #GoodNight 🌹🦋🌃 #BlueSkyNight #NeverGiveUpEVER #SweetDreams

WEATHER: The great demonic cow herd what periodically roams through the sky will pass o'erheard at high noon, leading to overcast conditions as the evil cattle pass between us an' the sun. Residents are warned to break out their umbrellas, as demonic cow pies an'... yellow rain... will fall.

POLITICS: The world is ruled by a secret cabal of ultra-rich foot fetishists who are killing people, cutting off their feet, and then using law enforcement sympathizers to cover up their crimes. -By Leon Trotsquirrel

PERSONALS: Widow, 25, seeks bachelor. Can read/write, sew, cook, do basic 'rithmetic, skilled in farm work. 5'6", blonde, blue eyes. LF man w/ homestead or other permanent housing to spend rest of our lives together before unexpectedly burning house down for glory of Lords Below while you sleep.

Antelope Canyon, Arizona 📷Patti Deters #flickr flic.kr/p/2pCgeD2

Ruins of the Pecos Pueblo Mission Church, Pecos National Historical Park, New Mexico #photography #history #architecture #NewSpain #OldWest

RELIGION: Cowboy Church pastor Ted Danson reassures parishioners that despite artistic depictions, no horse in known history has ever been confirmed to follow The Way of The Cowboy, and stories to the contrary are just myths.

WEATHER: It's been over freezin' fer a whole week! No more snow patches blockin' the ground, which means it's once again time to begin the back-breakin' labour o' farmin' in the middle o' the desert. Also they found Kayla Carsen, the missin' student, just offa Long Richard's property.

These charming birds are an invasive species to the Phoenix, AZ area...I lived in Mesa, AZ for many years and I thoroughly enjoyed seeing them. I always heard them first, and wow, they are fast! 💚🪶 Mesa, AZ ~ May 2024 #birdoftheday #ColourfulCaptures #birdphotography #photography #love

RANCHING: The Lazy Vole Ranch will be leadin' its annual cattle migration north this week, bringin' tens o' thousands o' heads o' cattle through yer outhouse 'bout 90 seconds after ya sit down on the pot to fight fer yer life 'gainst a bad case o' the Bloody Screamin' Shits.

Church Rock, New Mexico Pop: 909 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Church_Rock,_New_Mexico Images: https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=57576701 https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=159878495 https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=23106465

FADS: Who's that Horsémon??? Yes, Horsémon, the game sensation banned in every other nation, is once again in vogue amongst the youth of Varmint Vale and the New Mexico Territory. Players compete to see who can be brutally murdered by each of the 150 magical horses hidden around Varmint Vale!

RELIGION: Cowboy God's eternal curse on clowns justified and ancient, says Cowboy Church Pastor Bart Danson. "It will never be lifted, and all clowns will suffer the eternal punishment forever and ever"

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: Will whoever owns the haunted whiskey bottle please come down to the jail an' pick it up? Also please stop by the school t' have a bit o' clarification from Molly on what exactly is supposed t' be in a bottle o' spirits.

WEATHER: Winter's mildin' itself out an' spring is slowly arrivin', bringin' vast fields o' bloomin' wildflowers an' a massive amount of work fer Sheriff Danson as all the murder victims hidden in the snowbanks are revealed by meltin' ice. Tom asks y'all t' stop bettin' on who'll turn up dead.

old motel sign, grants, new mexico, 2003

OBITUARIES: Cork Young, 17, died after bein' dragged down into some sorta evil temple by a scary-ass wraith, which is about 90% of how he wanted to go. To quote from his will: "Please tell everyone I died makin' out with a sexy and spooky ghost an' seein' an' touchin' her unearthly titty."

#SantaFe #NewMexico #EastCoastKin #Monochromtaic #bnwphotography

SALE: Hiram's is offerin' a whole bag o' Conversation Hearts (which, yes, somehow already exist in 1881, an' prob'ly explains why they taste like chalk) fer the price of one nickel! With such delightful phrases as: -"My darling husband I have given you infectious genital sores out of love"

MISSING PERSONS: Kayla Carlsen still ain't been found, an' Sheriff Danson's posse reports that while they weren't able to get back into the sacrificial chamber, a spooky floatin' ghost stuck its head outta the floor an' told 'em, "She's not here, fuck off."

DEAR DECAPITATED DELILAH: -Virginal on Valentine's: WASH YOUR FUCKING ASS WITH SOAP AND WATER IF YOU WANT A GODDAMN BLOWJOB. No one wants to go down on someone who literally smells like shit.

MISSING PERSONS: Kayla Carlsen, a student at th' Monroe Institute, ain't been seen fer th' last three days. She was last see drinkin' a bottle o' Country Invigoratin' Authentic whiskey an' recitin' some sorta fancy-talkin' words. Cowboy Gawdammit, thought we were done with this here nonsense.

DID YOU KNOW: Having beers at work is legal in 1881.

Steins, New Mexico

HUNTING SEASON: Local curmudgeonly old man Long Richard shot a floatin' figure outta the sky this afternoon, describin' it as a-glowin' an' a-talkin' 'bout the universe bein' made o' love an' light. It proceeded to scream an' holler somethin' fierce as it bled an' crashed to the ground in a fireball

LOCAL: Yer two days ride southa Varmint Vale when ya come across a lone skeleton standin' in the wastes, peerin' fixedly at a pile o' rubble centuries old. "Can't figure out which I want!" The skeleton explains thoughtfully, "Gotta choose the ripest banana!" Ya rode on. He'll be there a while yet.

📆 February 10, 2015 📍 Antelope Canyon, Arizona • #AntelopeCanyon #Arizona #Photography #Travel

Artist: Edward Burra Title: Dancing Skeletons

BIRD WATCHING: A group of British Audubon Society members disappeared earlier today after announcing their intent to visit the horse nesting grounds near Hot Water Springs. "Why, I've never seen such a large bird's nest before- AHHHHHHHHHHH," said group leader Birdgewaith Bumblesnatch.

WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE: Brown goat that robbed the bank last night. Armed and dangerous. Spanish accent.

EDUCATION: Roberta Monroe's new school [EDITOR'S NOTE: We'll be callin' it the Monroe Institute goin' forward to avoid typing' "Golden Age Teaching Education/Writing Authentic Yankee experience" every HELL-SUN damned time] is doin' mighty dandy, an' the kids're tellin' all their friends to transfer.

WEATHER: Ain't those late winter blizzards irritatin'? Everythang's startin' to warm up an' melt an' suddenly it's a frozen hellscape again. Anyway the doctors can't figure out why this one's specifically localized to comin' outta yer mouth an' anus.

EDUMACAYSHUN: Openin' day for Roberta Monroe's new school! A full third of the kids from the town's ol' school were in attendance. Well, other than the Young clan, o'course, who're generally educated by good an' faithful study o' the Book of Mormon, which possibly explains why 15 of 'em have died.

Blanco, New Mexico Pop: 85 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blanco,_New_Mexico Images: https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=34267145 https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=94818235 https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=94818240

SCHOOL BOARD MEETINGS: Schoolmarm/librarian/town record keeper/notary public Molly McGuire held a meetin' today assurin' parents that their kids' learnin' is goin' just fine, an' there's no need t' send nobody to Roberta Monroe's new school. "The hell is she, anyway? Ain't nobody named that here."

Cowboy God extends his infinite mercy an' grace t'all. 'Cept those bank suckin' bastards who fall at the feet o' Mammon. They can get right fucked. As the Tijuana Bible says in Lucky Luke 18:25- "It is easier for a horse to go through a saloon sober than a bank boy to enter the ranch of Cowboy God."

Last we heard, the good doctor was seen drivin' his wagon back an' forth across Arizona, chased by a pack o' lawmen on charges o' grave robbin' fer makin' some dead fellers so healthy that they got back up an' started livin' again. The people what inherited their money weren't so fond o' that.

Dr. Fong's been awfully quiet lately, no new products?

Zapatistas, by José Clemente Orozco Mexican, 1883-1949 1935 More info: https://www.artic.edu/artworks/49614

WEATHER: Beautiful warm weather, bitter blizzards, an' brief moments o' rainin' apocalyptic frogs will constantly wash back an' forth over the region today as the duelin' weather prognosticatin' o' two oracular groundhogs an' our own Hucksteroni Hank all simultaneously come true at the same time.

LETTERS TO YOUR HOUSE: Is your child struggling? Do they have untapped potential that you jus can't get them to unlock? Is traditional schooling just not getting the results your kid deserves? Send them to Ms. Roberta Monroe's Golden Age Teaching Education/Writing Authentic Yankee experience!

Kaka, Arizona Pop: 119 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kaka,_Arizona Images: https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=105921459

Artist: Daniel Gonzalez

WEATHER: Hucksteroni Hank emerged from his horse-burrow today, seein' his anti-shadow as it glowed so brightly that it caused his second an' third sets o' eyes t' melt. Experts are predictin' six more weeks o' people fightin' about what that means.

STRANGE HAPPENINGS: Ol' Jessup reports this mornin' he fell face-first into his outhouse, an' found himself in the future, where a demon called "internet" was destroyin' all life. Thankfully he was soon hit by a (more) mechanical horse an' found himself home once more an' his face in his own stew.

#BlueSkyArtShow #clouds Clouds and fog framing the Santa Catalina mountains in Tucson Arizona 2011 #mobilephotography #desert

REAL ESTATE: Days worth o' diggin' into who owns the ruined shack two miles south o' town revealed only a single document- a land deed registered to "Meritaten," no last name. It's dated "4th cattle count of the reign of Akhenaten XVII," & was discovered under a floor board in the land registrar.