The Last Newfangled Direction, a way so westernmost that the Ouroboros Kid eats his own sunset while omnirising after his own son of a bitch, the fastest omnidraw in omnipresence

today I thought about putting the car in reverse and going really fast just in case Satan was behind me

dermatologist grimly sipping coffee and thinking goddamnit more skin today

at my local supermarket if Come On Eileen is playing while you’re in aisle four around the organic beans, a worm hole opens up and you get to do your prom all over again but only once so get it right this time

It’s hard being sexy. That’s why I don’t do it.

I know a bench to sit and yearn hate to see me coming

skeet so bad you find out who your friends are

i know a thing or two about ignoring red flags

Wow. 4 p.m. Bedtime already.

Please please pro-tip me now. Ok. If you play Duran Duran Side Project Simulator on Roblox you might level up faster if you choose the Power Station route but if you go Arcadia the kids will mad respect you

Sometimes I post skeets just to delete them

in my next life i hope i come back as a sexy chicken, like way too hot to eat

do not approach the leggy pink guy selling bonds in a trench coat that’s a flimflamingo

I always ask them not to cut the pizza so I can just eat it like a big cookie

At my age, a ménage á trois is just me a sheet cake and a fork.

Oh sure, you don't think about swallowing worms when you eat fettuccine, that's cool. Put some Alfredo on that hashtag blessed personality

I think the point is to be inquisitive

I am the lyre playing in the back of your mind the sun glint off your golden hair inside your memory unaware I am the loud laugh

whisper sweet nothings to me in your computer voice

on mondays I reply to everything everyone says by shaking my head ruefully and saying what a world

If eyes are the windows to the soul, yours need de-icing

I'm awake, but at what cost?

Sad Magazine's Cry vs Cry always did a number on me, so double sad, but when the emotional world began to uncomic its exaggeration I found a mad world where they were always blowing each other up and I never turned back, not even to that last page when folded just holds you

I take no credit for the posts on this account as they're actually all written by U2s The Edge.

replying "moist likely" to all inquiries until I am bludgeoned to death

Your outie understands this reference.

making my extreme humility obvious by wearing my most faded jorts to church

Cher: Do you believe in life after love? Me: Bitch, I don't even believe in life after lunch, let alone.

Today's Tarot Card: Everything is still epically fucking stupid.

Can't. Spending the day at my parents changing all their analog clocks.

Present me will always want to slap past me in the back of the head. Future me won't be any different.

Another day, another big yay happy super fun time

dude that wasn’t very bro of you

If everything evolves into an air fryer then why is that campfire walking into the sea unstoppable

Time Travel Rest Stop. We all try to sing it but nothing happens. We turn it into a prayer an incantation a movie a musical but nothing happens. It's almost like we developed a sequence for success that is not based on anything real with a pot to piss in and stretch our loops.

You dirty damn eyebrow raising skeptical cynics are never gonna believe this but I just got an unbelievablyborne illness and still had the lens cap on my doctor

sometimes i cry about how i'm going thru a breakup while listening to a song that was our song, but i'm not and it wasn't, the music just sounded like that

i twirled to slide off a globe that kept spinning while you pointed at the spot under a microscope i was a treasure you couldn't measure you drew an x on a memory of a clock face where i'm not sorry i've fallen out of reach in time but the rhythm and I were never a thing you could keep a finger on

slamming doors is for cowards. challenge me to a duel at high noon or write a strongly worded letter with a quill ffs

She let me hit because I could explain how to play minesweeper.

Crouching Trauma, Hidden Sadness.

I’ll sleep when I’m dead. Also until then sounds nice.

I don't want to make the most of the time I have, I want to sleep comfortably in many different positions