#3157 A helpful tutorial

I once again felt inspired

I was worried American Auto would be all treacly about how executives are humans too or whatever, but it seems cruel in a way usually only seen in British sitcoms, which I dig. These are evil people. These are not good people [smiling]

Easy choice if you're a deer deciding where to buy a house

Travis Hafner Pronk Bar (2006-2007): After a breakout season, Cleveland 1B/DH Travis Hafner received his own candy bar, milk chocolate loaded with crispy rice. "Pronk" was Hafner's nickname, which was a hybrid of his two minor-league nicknames, "The Project" and "Donkey".

Six seven! Yes, six seven, the kids love to say it. We love our signifiers, don't we, folks? The signified, not so much! But we love our beautiful signifiers.

My stupid ass was hyperventilating here thinking I had Three Concealed Triplets

DYING

lol last night was a rerun

Oh my

I feel like even a small infant would listen, nod, and then go, “So, just to be clear though: The machines — they didn’t work?”

Pray you never cross paths with an unscrupulous barrister...

animal four legs morning reddit 2025 urgent

"Dasha got dropped by Gersh," I say to the elerly woman sitting next to me on the bus. "Can you believe that?" She empties an entire can of mace directly into my face instantly.

I don't think that a crow is THE WORST animal to breastfeed, but it's in the bottom quintile to be sure

the last name of every sopranos character is sopranos. chris sopranos, adriana sopranos, furio sopranos, tony soprano sopranos, etc

"ooh look at me i'm chicago pope i know four trans women" we all do bitch. you ain't special

Been laughing at this for about 10 minutes.

"Malort advent calendar" is already such an unhinged concept but every little window just having Malort in it really pushes it over the edge into something transcendently funny

You think there's gonna be a little novelty Malort keychain or a sticker or something in there, WRONG more malort

I hate when that happens

@bransonreese.bsky.social must pay

Asked for "Swan Boy but make it 90s bootleg Bart" & this is what I got. Can't recommend enough, 5 popcorn bags 🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿

It looks like nobody has called themselves "The Bishkek Beefcake" yet if any Kyrgyz hunks are in the market for a cool new nickname

i’d be more comfortable with the olivia nuzzi coverage if every story was headlined something like “seduced by a guy who eats roadkill: the story of an extremely stupid lady”

Years ago I was suspended on Twitter for inviting Marco Rubio to swallow ten D batteries, which I don’t see how it could be a threat; he and I were not even in the same room and I have at most six D batteries on hand

oh... Mossy snorlax #pokemon #pokopia

I think the government should give you $10,000 if you ask for it and they give it to you no questions asked. And if a rich guy tries to do it, we jump him. That's where the money is coming from

ITS REAL

i'd love to read a real evolution of "stay woke" - i saw it evolve as: 1. in black culture, a way of pointing out structural racism 2. on black twitter, same thing but often a joke about something silly 3. white people adopt woke to mean generic antiracism 4. conservatives learn a new n-word

laughed out loud at a post on linkedin complaining that AI has made all the posts on linkedin "sound the same" sorry but that's not one you can totally blame chatGPT for

let me introduce you to a guy called, "elon musk." or "donald trump" surely you must know by now that they are all Deeply Stupid

Rip and tear until it is done? No, shred and grind until it is fun, dude 🙂🤙

[To the tune of Pretty Woman by Roy Orbison] 🎵Baba Yaga 🎵Walking down the street 🎵Baba Yaga 🎵House with chicken feet 🎵Baba Yaga

I had a dream that there was a new What's All This Then episode called "Sex" and the description was just, "Lie back and think of England! It's the sex episode!" and I was like, "SURELY there was something more British than sex they could have covered"

Nancy By Ernie Bushmiller November 13,1952

i can't believe i never thought to do this before

there is a square-shaped hole in your heart and you are trying to fill it with piss: a thread🧵

Having lovers from London to Taiwan is deeply unimpressive, to me. Those are densely populated places. Spend enough time there, ANYONE can find a sexual partner in both of those cities. If you have lovers from Tegucigalpa to Bishkek... now we're talking.

Mikey and Nicky (1976) - 0:01:26 Dir. Elaine May Runtime 106 minutes 🚬 x 30, or one cigarette every 3.53 minutes ⚠️ REAL SMOKER MOVIE ⚠️ https://howmanycigarettes.com/mikey-and-nicky/

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