Are you there, Margaret? It's me, god. WHAT IN THE HOLY FUCK IS GOING ON DOWN THERE?

Gonna run away to Europe and live that surrealist life....buy a tiny car and fill it with cabbages, have dinner parties where I serve my guests omelets stuffed with my hair, have puffer fish floating in the air all around my garret apartment

I bet a factory reset would fix me

STRENGTH CRUSHES ENEMIES! DO YOU NEED TO CLEAN YOUR GLASSES?

I find it really difficult to pay prolonged attention to you when you flicker in and out of this dimension like that.

Can't wait to see what kind of extra unhealthy coping mechanisms I'll develop to make it through the holidays

lower yourself into a cranberry bog it’s time

Did it hurt...when you clawed your way out of hell to walk the earth once more?

You wouldn't give capitalism to a toddler, Kevin. It says right there on the package that it's a choking hazard.

Grief eventually leads to joy, which you'll know when you've cried so hard your nose makes a noise just like a clown's nose being honked

Today's mood by Steve Fitch

I got a 5 on my ap us and European history exams in high school but now all the history I know is from Iron Maiden songs

Horror films with the plants. They haven't exactly strangled with tendrils the psyche of the modern trellis goer but I won't stop thinking of them like was I even raised on growing? "No more coffee for the both of us" laughs flytrap

Chapped lip season is fun cause you get to chew off pieces of your mouth like a little snack

charging my tampons in the full moon

November is gathering darkness, a time to draw the curtains and summon your ghosts, to paint yourself red and gold and go party in the underworld

Sometimes I think I may still be stuck in that waffle house bathroom and I've hallucinated the past decade

November is dark and doom-dangled, fitful bone light- Charles Wright

But your honor, he said that I look amazing for my age?

Happy Halloween ghouls and gals 🎃👻

Baby are you an organ donor? Because everyone wants a piece of you

HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVE! I wrote yall a special horror romantasy flash just for the occasion 👻👻👻

*patting professional building* yes yes you're a very good building

Sorry for the drama dear diary but never have I seen a personal experience argue with the experiencer that screenshots do not count as a second kiss

HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVE! I wrote yall a special horror romantasy flash just for the occasion 👻👻👻

snuffalupagus was a killer for hire. that's where snuff films came from

why can’t the side effects from a prescription be something cool like levitation or the ability to cast spells

*vomits up a clutter of spiders, a cauldron of bats, a river of blood, a writhing mass of snakes, a thousand swirling galaxies and a cascade of tiny shrieking demons* okay, weigh me now.

"Girl dinner!!!" We shriek, raising our wine glasses, then feasting on the organs of a dozen unworthy men with our bare hands

Some rivers of blood and viscera to liven up your Friday night 👻

Someday soon I will write a skeet so good that the internet and possibly the entire world will self destruct, but until then I hope you all are having a nice evening 👻

Girls don't like boys girls like drugs and French fries

"Your laugh is like a sunset," I say right before I nail gun my hand to the frame of a revolving door

i’m so relieved he didn’t win the nobel prize otherwise i’d have had to throw mine away

Cornmaze 👻

Me and a few people reading and reskeeting each other's skeets

Some rivers of blood and viscera to liven up your Friday night 👻

How many ghost peppers must I eat before I can walk through walls?

Yall may be spooky in October but I'm spooky all year round bitches 👻

whenever in doubt, always hip thrust

That harvest moon still got me bouncin' (communing with dead gods and asking for their assistance)

Grief, fall, magic 🍂🍂🍂

my haters are building a complex network of trenches at the city’s edge

My ass don't quit....once it sets its sight on you, there's nothing I can do to save you from a horrifically gruesome death. I'm so sorry, please make peace with your God

You either die young or live long enough to see Gen Z discover your childhood song and make it go viral

Its October now men don't you dare slide into my dms unless you are a 12 foot tall skeleton riding a skeleton horse on someone's front lawn

advent calendar of pills i've found on the ground

feeling bad for The Onion writers having all their ideas stolen by reality

October is a time for letting go, allowing what you've been holding onto to die and rot and fall away so new things can grow in its place

I came here to read skeets and drink coffee and I'm now out of both, do you maybe have some crayons or something?