dr. robby: we have a patient in er room 1. health is at 1%. ideas, people me: 1 dose of the correct kind of medicine, stat! dr. mohan: oh my god. patient’s health is now 100% dr. robby: do you want to ride motorcycles with me me: no. i have to go home and post on bluesky — the world’s #1 site

(goes to Five Guys and sees only four guys working) Eyyy where's the fifth guy today lol (goes to Wendy's and sees no redheads working) Eyyy where's Wendy today lol (goes to Jack in the Box and sees staff gathered around open casket) May his memory always be a blessing 🖤

A gift you can give yourself while watching Survivor is to imagine Jeff Probst recording the vocals for all the incidental music in his garage.

Cannot recommend this daily Olympics recap enough. Fine fine work.

Breaking: Tragedy at the Winter Olympics

thank you elliott! and the same to you!

I just wanna lay down in the garden and look at the opening snowdrops and maybe let the crows eat me, simple goals ya know

Take me down to the Parallax city where the far moves slow and the near moves quickly

Sometimes it's pure poetry

We’re airing a new campaign ad, starting tomorrow. Here it is:

A video of Alex Pretti reading out the final salute of an unnamed veteran he cared for until the end of his life in the ICU, posted to Facebook by his son.

Chief among these motives was the overwhelming idea of the great whale himself.

There is going to come a time in your life when you are chatting with a guy, at a barbecue or something, a new coworker maybe, a dad at school drop off, and he tells you he used to be in ICE. You’re going to need to spit on that guy

Ok I was curious so I checked this out and basically he saves up all his daily farts in a 3-gallon Ziploc, then pops the bag over his head and ties it off like Ben Kingsley at the end of The House of Sand and Fog and huffs his farts until he passes out and is revived by his robot maid. Inspiring!

If America makes it through this, anyone who murmurs platitudes about "binding up the nation's wounds" must be drummed out of public life. They tried that after the first phase of the civil war, and it just led to where they are now. The cancer must be excised and destroyed. Nothing else will work.

If you show me proof you donated to this or any other food pantry/worthy cause in Minneapolis, GUESS WHAT?! Ima draw you a lil freakum!!! a real weird one!! i am working now so they may arrive slower but DAGNABBIT they will ARRIVE

NEWS ANCHOR: we're getting word that two dozen ICE agents are in hospital after they started kissing a beautiful woman in a skimpy outfit with platinum blond hair only for her to tragically explode because she was actually a big stack of TNT.

ICE agents are, simply put, fucking clowns. Some observations from four days on the ground in Minneapolis. www.garbageday.email/p/we-re-all-...

"i asked chatgpt" well I asked amy klobuchar and she threw a stapler at my head

they didn’t leak it to make the shooter look innocent, but to make the victim look guilty. not guilty of a crime. guilty of having a visibly queer wife. guilty of liberalism. guilty of opposing the regime. they don’t seek to exonerate themselves, only to demonstrate who deserves to die.

My scheming vizier when I start to cough after taking a swig of wine from my goblet

im sorry i know it sucks but journalists are going to have to be willing to get fired for simply describing what they see happening with their own eyes, you look like fucking morons

You and your wife drop your 6-year-old off at school. You just moved here. You see ICE terrorizing your new neighbors. You film them, as is your legal right. Your wife complies with orders. She is then shot in the head. You still have to pick up your child later today. This could be you.

Love this from Guillermo del Toro

Avatar 3 a mixed bag but provided us with the incredibly potent quote from Payakan that I will employ any time I lose an argument in 2026: "You will never hear my Song again."

When you’ve taken down the Xmas decorations

*2026

Morning Bathroom Window with Pears Soap and a frost outside

avatar fire and ash is cockney rhyming slang for Franklin and Bash

Merry Christmas from the beavers at Lincoln Park’s South Pond! Here are a few of the scenes I filmed this morning.

I see you, bro, and in the words of recom Quaritch in Avatar 3, “I’ll blow your grandma’s skinny shit straight through the hooch”, a line far better than anything Aaron Sorkin ever wrote

Thank you Canada, and for YT Supremacy incompetence. Both bring you the censored 60 Minutes package on Republican human rights abuse. www.muellershewrote.com/p/watch-the-...

Hoping you all have a warm, light filled Longest Night from my little family to yours

however much you hate these motherfuckers you do no hate them enough. (not josh, he's alright.)

Spielberg crazy for “what if aliens spoke ‘Doug’ theme song”

I hate that every week there's something stupid like an Everyone Has To Drink Pee Now Bill and the alert sounds to CALL YOUR REPRESENTATIVES THIS IS NOT A DRILL and you really wish you could just trust them to not go for the pee drinking bill

Peepy moving up the power rankings in my Bleak House read. Loves to be dirty, cry, eat cake under piano. The boy’s got heat.

santa ate with ho ho ho

[Guy whose dick fell off because there's a girl in star wars] I would probably do well in a civil war

lil weird of the nintendo store to sell this pillow of luigi taking a violent dookie

thinking of her today

The boy simply loves the tree.

"I say we take off and nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."

Olivia Nuzzi got horny at the part of ET where he’s lying sick in the water

I just feel it in my bones that he's a "Cars is better than Up" guy. (Compliment.)

Elizabeth Taylor reflected in the glasses of Richard Burton, in “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?” (Mike Nichols, 1966)