Ireland has a president?

Tough old night for Mike Graham. Turns out the bastard who hacked his facebook also shat in his trousers.

@sirmichael.bsky.social GREAT NEWS! I bumped into Sensei Jackton yesterday and he asked me to pass on this note. Sounds like another prestigious achievement! 🎆🎆🎆

It's OK to not be OK. You might not want to talk about to friends but there is help out there... www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-h...

@sirmichael.bsky.social Did you get the emergency alert today?

That’s it then, time to take the emergency alert tree down

Such a reassuring sound they chose there.

About 80% of my grammar suggestions from Microsoft Word are “why not use a simpler word here for clarity?” No. Fuck you. I will use a complicated word for evocative precision whenever the muse’s clarion song demands ebullience, vivacity, torpor, or solemnity, you shit-ass suck machine.

@sirmichael.bsky.social I just verified my age with Bluesky. Will I be able to see your X-rated stuff now?

AI “thinks” in the same way a mirror looks at you

@sirmichael.bsky.social Why are you making us wait so long for the big reveal of your no.1 soup? We're on tenterhooks here! There is wild speculation all over the place, podcasts are being started to discuss it, one guy is even writing a book about it! Very irresponsible in my opinion.

Inventor of the GIF, hearing about Notre Dame burning: oh no the jarjoyles

This only happens to you once.

I know JAWS gets a lot of praise for not showing the shark much, but let’s be real, so many movies don’t even show you a shark at all.

I'm not sure that walkie-talkies were the right medium for this, but anyway, I'm so hot right now and desperate for your touch, over.

if the wheels had come off this thing any faster it'd be a Cybertruck

This is the biggest fall-out since @sirmichael.bsky.social and Kevin. Let's hope both couples can be friends again soon. 💕💕💕

This might be the absolute greatest reply we have ever received. Thank you, Cookie Monster 📕🍪💙

@sirmichael.bsky.social Elon Musk got a black eye off a 5 year old! 5! What a loser! 🤣🤣🤣

@sirmichael.bsky.social I'ma bit worried about the poor Man Utd fans :( Do you think the victorious Spurs fans will take them for lovely night out in Bilbao? 💕

Once again left wondering why all these blokes in the Eurovision audience left their wives at home. The ladies would really enjoy it, lads - give them a treat next year!

I've not seen today's Doctor Who Eurovision special yet, but I assume this happens. #doctorwho #eurovision

Banger after Banger after Banger tonight. Sadly, after eating my sausage dinner, I put #TOTP on :(

the way democracy works now is that we keep voting for people to whack us in the nuts with bigger and bigger hammers. occasionally we vote for someone who says they’ll use smaller hammers, but guess what? bigger hammers

And Saturday is treat day: computer diskette reader, multiple dot printer, elongated cuboid monitor, comfortable wooden desk, data walkman, sundry peripherals

@bigbeatlessortout.bsky.social Lovely big LONG LASAGNE.

inevitably, the dots

I have waited my whole life, for this moment....

20

Milei looks like a 70’s Welshman who passed out drunk on his nephew’s stag do in Brynamman RFC & mysteriously woke up in the Vatican

I'm sorry but 17 is simply too young to become Dancing Queen. The Dancing Kingdom needs experienced leadership during these troubling times.

KEVIN IS POPE! Look what you've done Michael, you should have taken the job!

SORRY. Sorry. Have we seen this *incredible* news video coming out of Queensland? Wait for the witness/witnesses statement

“Pray tell. The Baron, what sort of gentleman is he?” “Well…”

I hope @sirmichael.bsky.social isn't watching the Ire v Eng rugby match. One of the ladies' shorts just got pulled down, showing her p*nts. It was worse than that England goal celebration that time.

Hey @sirmichael.bsky.social I thought your YouTube feature on how to open a door was an original work of genius, but now I learn that the Finns got there before you. :( www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wof0...

@sirmichael.bsky.social I thought you'd banned this arsehole from the Grand Old Game?

@sirmichael.bsky.social Big day for you today. Any news on the third decimal place?

What an idiot. Hasn't he even heard of Uncle Geoffrey?

@sirmichael.bsky.social A scathing non-travelling travel guide to France might be in order.

The fact that there might be a conclave so close to a movie about one has really motivated me to finish my screenplay "The Tech CEO Who Died of Diarrhea So Explosive The Coroner Said He Had No Lower Back to Speak Of"

@sirmichael.bsky.social Nice to see you getting involved with the old AI. 👍

democrats won’t admit it, but my family’s economic outlook has gotten a LOT better since Trump took office. but what do i know? i don’t have a fancy economics degree, i’m just a regular guy who runs an airplane scrapyard

In a sentence never before uttered by humans, I am delighted to share that an alligator stole my conservation instructor’s hat by jauntily walking into the water while wearing it 🐊

I bloody love Radiohead, me.

I’m very bad at judging how much time has passed since I last saw someone’s kid. ‘Must be nearly walking now, is he?’ ‘He works for Google.’

hey quick question does Goliath win in that story

my best guess is a vampire fell asleep on it last night

Bringing the story to Bluesky that my very prim late great aunt Mary, then 82, once asked who the musician was who’d died ‘acting the giddy goat,’ and it was Michael Hutchence

@sirmichael.bsky.social I'm getting a lot of young ladies following me all of a sudden. Has the internet finally been restored to the girlfriend village?