catholic contraceptive route map, nyc.

And tonight Matthew, I’m going to be… Stevie Nicks! 🌙✨

Jesus you could not escape this Stardust song for love nor money for like 2 years. Relentless #totp

Genuinely looks like it was so easy to be a dancer on #totp. Like you could just turn up at the studios, do a forward roll & they’d be like “yeah you’ll do”

Imagine being the lad on the maracas #totp

In my innocence I didn’t realise that Darren from Savage Garden was gay & at 11 firmly believed I would marry him #totp

Some very enthusiastic miming going on here #totp

How on earth did Mick Hucknell shag so many attractive women? He looks like if a satyr got lost in Zara & then became a waiter #totp

I think this Five song is actually about getting the Christmas tree down from the attic #totp

It’s Jamiroquai! #totp

You genuinely couldn’t release this song in 2025. You’d be laughed out the room #totp

This song gives me the same feeling as the Sunday night fear #totp

My dad used to turn this off when it came on the radio & he was right to do so #totp

I can’t help but feel that this “Reform will sweep the next election” feels a bit premature. 4 years is a long time & while they’ll likely do well at local elections, they always end up quitting once they realise that local government is mostly just endless boring meetings about town planning

What in the fifth element outtakes is going on here #totp

This period of time was such a struggle if you hated football, which I did #totp

Beastie Boys there literally phoning it in #totp

The singer looks like if someone tried to draw Nick Carter from memory #totp

I’m struggling to tell at this point who’s a boy band & who’s just a band #totp

Men who would kill for a tune more like #totp

I feel like two massive keyboards is just overkill #totp

Hanson, sing us one we know ta #totp

Reader, it did not come home #totp

There were 2 football songs?? I clearly repressed this shite #totp

Lionel’s got his readers on #totp

Interestingly Lighthouse Family perfectly capture the feeling of being lost in space - despair, boredom, aimlessly drifting & waiting for death #totp

Lighthouse Family is basically code for “mandatory looking at your phone time” #totp

Heard yer ma telling everyone yer da’s been raptured but she’s actually just booted him out for selling counterfeit Chicago Town mini pizzas out of the shed

Ask not for whom the Lime bike beeps; it beeps for thee

And if you gaze long into the potato you forgot about in the cupboard, the potato you forgot about in the cupboard gazes also into you

The tangerines you bought on your delusional health kick watching you eat crisps

Listening to the 500 Days of Summer soundtrack for maximum emotional damage & now, inevitably, debating getting a fringe cut in

'Join us later on BBC News when I'll be thoroughly grilling Ed Davey on the costings of Lib Dem policies, but first here's a slavish acceptance of the latest Reform press release.'

Radio 6 is beating the shit out of me with the big bat of gorgeous bittersweet nostalgia this morning

I was watching The Pacific last night, which is always a great if massively depressing & horrible watch, but fuck me, the opening credits don’t half go on a bit

I didn’t look at the news or the socials at all last night & I could almost hear my brain healing. It was lovely. Anyway, here I am again

Been quite a mental few days aye

Today I finally got to meet the beagle downstairs, who I learned is named Diana (the queen of hearts!) & she also spins around on her arse when she’s excited & happy (she did this after I cuddled her)

How it feels to have no alarms set for the morning

Having a horrendous cold in a heatwave is a uniquely shit experience that I hope never to repeat

If you want an idea of how seriously I took my education at 17, I didn’t realise that AS levels were real exams until I was going into the hall to do them & one of my friends assured me that they weren’t just a practice run

How have I managed to get a cold in an August heatwave

In what feels like a very British tragedy, I can’t wear my Adidas sliders at the moment because I dropped a full & unopened Gü lemon cheesecake on my right big toe on Saturday night

Sharing a GoFundMe for a guy I’ve known since college who urgently needs heart surgery. Paul’s 38 & a genuinely lovely man & this situation truly sucks. If you could share the link or help in any way, I’d be so thankful. gofund.me/17bbd9a2

[To the tune of Party Rock Anthem] Sorry for shoddy parking

My very young colleague just said to me in all innocence, “Have you got a railcard?” My sweet summer child, I am 38

Signs (2002)

God I love The Gilded Age. The stakes for almost everything are so low (e.g. Someone’s lost a glove! or The chef’s been faking his accent!) that when something high stakes happens, you gasp in a way you haven’t gasped at the telly since Breaking Bad series 5