Me at 9am: a fresh week, a positive mindset Me at 4.51pm: why can’t literally everything go piss itself

I know Taylor is architect of own downfall with her clues & Easter eggs, but I still find the frenzy of literalism where her lyrics can’t be *made up cool stories* rather than honest testimony, very odd. Like we are going to demand police check if Jake Gyllenhaal’s fridge had an interior light

Amongst other things, this is the problem with the "triangulate with Farage" theory of Labour government - the right does not have a limited list of demands - every time you try to appease them, they just go further.

Restaurant news: snouts are having a moment. I’m a carnivore but this stuff makes me feel like the Cleveland Torso Murderer

Might as well say this now

Male friend: ‘Why do I have to do it, why can’t you download the file to your laptop and send it to them?’ Me: ‘I’m not Gary McKinnon’

Sophie Ellis Bextor having five ginger sons is like a Hans Christian Andersen

Carte D’Or rum n raisin is the most ‘car keys in a bowl’ retro dessert. That or rum baba with glacé cherry

Free three months of Apple TV activated, just in time for Slow Horses next week. @mhairim.bsky.social

‘I've been working with this now for about half an hour. I can't figure it out.’

Nothing we know about Trump’s diet makes me think he’d like milky nettle pudding as a starter.

An incredible legitimate concern seen in London on Saturday. (📸 @eamonn-forde.bsky.social )

God, Bros were dogshit

the extent to which Elon Musk believes he can simply post the world into his preferred shape can't be overstated

Friday night dipping chocolate biscotti in a cup of Earl Grey while watching a Scandi crime on iPlayer

The existence of Betty Boo doing the do implies the existence of Betty Boothroyd doing the doothroyd

Definitely suspicious when an Air BnB property has too many photos of pink cava & 2 goblets on a television tray to bulk the album. Also do not recommend ‘view of house from POV of lurker smoking cigarettes while plotting.’ This is the artwork on the back of a Lisa Jewell thriller

Charlie Brooker was right about Banksy.

That very clever @jderrfuss.bsky.social, who created the map of my reviews in my Linktree (in bio) has now developed a page tracking new hospitality openings across Nottingham. @mhairim.bsky.social this one is for you.

The world would be depressing anyway at the moment, but there is something peculiarly crushing in being on a bus that's heading straight for a cliff and everyone screaming to change direction and the guy at the wheel maintaining that only he knows how to save everyone and it's definitely this way.

Thrifty Shades Of Grey youtu.be/ID0rqEWrN44?...

I don’t think any piece about Reform’s conference speakers should be published without mentioning that they’ve allowed an anti-vaccine conspiracy group to host a panel. Sadly this story doesn’t flag it

Nigel Farage looks uncomfortable as Jamie Raskin uses his opening statement to absolutely demolish him

"Are asylum seekers the biggest political issue in Britain?" Asks radio 4. "We interview man who is determined to make it the biggest issue in Britain. And make it a headline every morning until it definitely is"

Guys, I’ve just seen the worst job advert in the world. Absolute state of this.

Sometimes I think I could go vegetarian & then I see a £20 main of carrots baked in salt for Sunday lunch

Told my brother that I suspected the woman he fancied had Munchausens, to which he replied I’d munch her hausens

"i've got access to the kids, but they don't wanna see me"

Watching the last Mission Impossible & latest Superman and think cleverly done exposition may be a dying art. Whole scenes of half a dozen characters just explaining the plot to each other, brazen as you like

www.theguardian.com/film/2025/ju... got round to this - really thorough, not gratuitous - and one of the key lessons seems to be: people from generational wealth don’t fear the workplace cock up nearly enough

Who did Hostage use as their consultant on political procedures & crisis protocols, Fozzie Bear

One of two very good threads by Adam on this. A startling number of people - responding, in part, by the tone set by their government - just have this very complacent 'oh, no, this plan will never work'. I mean, 1) it could but also 2) they will definitely try.

Whenever I hear INXS I remember a relative in the late 1980s saying ‘that’s PE teacher music’

If it's true that Labour wants to fight the next election on the basis of "Look, it's us or the far right", as Macron did, then they're going to have to start explicitly denouncing the far right, as Macron does

Get away from her you complete and utter bastard! 😂

Pronouncing Ocado ‘Okk-Ay-Doh’ to bemuse & revolt my milieu

I wouldn’t tell anyone if I won the lottery but there would be signs

In 2024 it was this but Oasis

reassuring to know that however pathetic my life may be, at least I’m not the sort of person that comments “WHO?!” on the Strictly casting announcements

First date, told me that I managed my speech impediment very well. I do not have a speech impediment.

Friend who hates cats - ‘… And I bet he’s called that cat Mr Hobnobs or some bullshit.’ Sorry that’s enchanting #MrHobnobs

Somebody on LinkedIn said what we're all thinking.

Everyone who has written a long read about Britain being at boiling point should be required to write a follow-up in October about what actually materialised.

Remembering when my sisters older neighbour was in a toxic situationship with her emotionally avoidant Russian Blue Persian cat who’d love bomb then ghost her. She would stand in her garden lamenting ‘PAVLOVA?!’

Irrespective of the horrors that followed, I realised at this sentence that I am dead and in hell

BREAKING: Ukrainian President isn't wild about a deal he wasn't involved in negotiating which cedes huge tracts of his country to the occupier, including thousands of square kilometres they don't hold and which contain Ukraine's defences, in exchange for a temporary ceasefire Putin needs anyway.

To paraphrase Kate Moss, no foraged mushroom can taste as good as having kidneys feels

“Some of us aren’t creative enough to brainstorm without ChatGPT!” Well then maybe you should sit this one out.

Want this for free? All you have to do is subscribe to my newsletter by midday Friday, totally free of charge, and I'll do the rest. 📦 buttondown.com/lefttoright#subscribe-form Please reshare hard and fast, much obliged. ➡️

My Dad says he’s going to call the Elder Abuse hotline when his children contradict him