My one dislike of midweek Premier League games is the unfairness of players having to stay up late. These guys should not be jeopardising their sleep routines for our entertainment. Go home, boys, curl up with a good book and then lights out by 9:15. You have the blessing of all true football fans.

There are 6 known facts about every animal (except dolphins, for which there are only 5). Here are the horse facts

Trying to decide what to watch over the weekend? Hopefully my review of some of the biggest movies of the last twelve months can help 👍

If you’re not following @sirmichael.bsky.social then I don’t know what to tell you. You’re obviously not interested in laughing like a hyena several times a day.

The numbers are in and I can finally reveal the end-of-year stats for 2025: - Congrats to fans of the Assassination of Julius Caesar! 🗡️🏆 - 11th place up to 2nd place ⬆️ - Pompeii vs Mt Vesuvius makes the top 4 🌋 - The human ear finishes in Jth 👂 - Enthusiasm/Shoes finally makes it into the top 9b 🤯

As we reflect upon 2025, it's important to think of those who have wronged us and know that we can choose to bring our petty grudges with us into 2026 or we can opt to leave them behind and move forward productively with our lives. And we must reject the latter option on account of it being stupid.

Just been reading back over my resolutions for 2025 and it looks like this has been a very successful year for me!

In a world gone mad we need more silliness. And he won't appreciate this sentiment, but that's why you should all follow @sirmichael.bsky.social

If I was the manager of a hotel, I'd offer visitors an extensive range of Do Not Disturb door signs which include exceptions for very specific occasions

📌 ciaraioch.com is now taking Christmas orders for prints, cards, and vouchers - each archival-quality print on heavy art paper is made in Ireland, ships internationally in eco-friendly packaging with discount tracked postage, and comes with a FREE card and treats for every customer 🎁 #SpéirGorm

TECH TIP Let's say you need a photo of an adult horse but don't have time to image search "adult horse." Instead, just google “baby horse” (it has one fewer letter so will be quicker to type). Then choose a pic and run it through a face-ageing app. You'll soon have a photo of an adult horse. Easy!

So many men online are clueless about romance so here's a tip on how to conduct yourself on a date, guys If a lady offers to pay for your meal on the 1st date, BE A GENTLEMAN by politely declining and insisting that your parents, whom you've brought along as chaperones, will pay for all four of you

Hopefully I've made it more relatable

Tech Tip Ever wondered how to password-protect a document? No problem! Here's a tech tip that will keep your confidential information secure from prying eyes 👍

Meant to post this yesterday but hopefully it's still useful. The key cutting shop near my house is offering a special Black Friday deal of 16 keys cut for the price of 15. Offer only available until 5pm yesterday. Ask for Pat rather than Jasper (Jasper doesn't agree with Black Friday as a concept).

Home Alone was a pretty successful film. But could it have been even more successful? With these 8 simple changes, I believe so, yes.

Have I ever listened to Hey Jude by The Beatles? Absolutely not. It's addressed to Jude, not me. What about Annie's Song by John Denver? Nope. Not my song so none of my business. Everyone should treat the private communications of musicians with the same level of respect as I do.

One thing I'm vehemently opposed to is replacing the number 4 button on ATM keypads with a button for the strawberry emoji. I just think that, given the costs involved and the fact that most people's PINs don't contain the strawberry emoji, it wouldn't be worth the upheaval.

The Sopranos was a popular TV show but with a few changes, I believe it could have been even more popular. Here are the changes I would make

I enjoy the TV show The Traitors. But I believe there are ways to make it even better. Here are my ideas:

I knew the first COP30 event after Dick Cheney's death would be hard but not this hard :( Can't stop imagining his excited face as he walks around doing his thing; decrying green energy, enriching himself at the expense of an inhabitable future and plotting more war crimes. He'd have been so happy 💔

GREAT day! Met some local youths outside the village shop who asked me to buy them a packet of cigarettes for use in “an anti-smoking billboard campaign” they're working on. I was happy to help! When I gave them the packet they ran to a nearby alley to get started. Good luck with the campaign, kids!

It's so strange. Back in mid 2000s, I really thought that the day Dick Cheney died would be one of joy and celebration. And I was correct.

Just paid the aul' income tax for the year and consequently have about two beans left to rub together, so if you've been looking for a bit of Irish art now's a very good time to buy. It's this or train the crows to rob billionaires and I'm running out of cheese bribes

If any of you ever wish to avoid attending an event but need an excuse to get out of it, please feel free to use me. Simply complete this form, give it to the person(s) inviting you to said event and you'll be in the clear 👍

If anyone's at a loose end tonight and wants to see something insane, check out the user manual for the Ebac E-Care+ AWM96D2-WH washing machine. I just found a punctuation error in the table of contents!! You don't see slip-ups like that every day!

Hope this doesn't inconvenience anyone but if any of you are thinking of dressing up for Halloween as the electrician who fixed my grandad's oven in 1986, please don't. I've recently learned that he passed away in 2013 so it would be a little disrespectful. Please choose a different costume instead.

Timesaving tip for any other filing cabinet enthusiasts out there: If you're checking out pictures of filing cabinet on Google image search, don't bother scrolling past the 6,508th image. The filing cabinets pictured after that aren't as good, imo 👎

In prison, snitches get stitches. But there should be other rhyming punishments too: -No online shopping for anyone eavesdropping -Snoring at night? In your breakfast omlette, you'll find only egg white -Keep your cell clean or no dressing up for Halloween -No fresh pears for those who use swears

It's hard for us to appreciate the true scale of Mount Everest. So to put it in a context that we can all understand, here's a comparison chart showing the height of Mount Everest alongside other tall things

WARNING: Local youths in the park are offering to verify people's Instagram account for €150. DO NOT PURCHASE. After I paid, I gave them my phone for the verification process but when they gave it back, they had changed my username to “AVerifiedDork”. I AM 99% CERTAIN IT IS NOT A LEGITIMATE BUSINESS

A former teacher of mine once told me that there are no stupid or unnecessary questions and I carry those words of wisdom with me every day online

Oh no, this is embarrassing 🙈 Word has got out about my donation of over €0.99 to the local owl sanctuary. I must have forgotten to tick the “Anonymous” box by accident 🤦‍♂️ Now everyone's hailing me as a hero. Please, everyone, this isn't about me! The staff at the sanctuary have done just as much!

Thinking of becoming a successful businessperson? Here's everything you'll need to know

With box office revenues falling, Hollywood could boost profits by combining popular genres. My idea? A violent mafia film that's also a heartwarming kids' movie; A toddler is appointed boss of the mafia. The kid slowly teaches the mobsters to have fun and they start doing murders more playfully ❤️

US fan behaviour at the Ryder Cup is being criticised so here are some milder insults to yell at rival golfers: - "You don't always safely eject USB devices” - “You wrote a blog post claiming the final Game of Thrones season was very satisfying" - “You know little about Ottoman Empire trade routes"

There's a lot of conspiracy theories about why Kieran Culkin looks so much taller in Succession than he does in Home Alone. Some say camera angles, others say CGI or a secret doppelganger and I respect those views. But, for me, it's more likely down to a simple case of good old-fashioned witchcraft.

The question I get asked most frequently is, "Michael, what is your opinion of the Wikipedia page on doors?" Well, here are my full and honest thoughts

My one criticism of Premier League footballers? The lack of imagination when exchanging souvenirs after games. They only ever swap shirts. Show some imagination, guys. Give your opponent a gift voucher for a local butcher shop. Learn woodworking and carve them a lovely doorstop. Show them you care ❤️

Please stop casting evil spells on me. It’s mean and it hurts my feelings

Comedy gold, I promise you, read it and weep tears of joy

Never forget the time I had to contact my local costume shop on Facebook. The last-minute hospital pass by David to Sonya is exquisite.

Just wanted to jump and register my Champions League predictions ahead of the big kick-off. Hope I don't end up with egg on my face! 🙈 Winners: Not sure yet Runners-Up: Too tough to call Dark Horse Team: I don't know Underachieving Team: No idea. Could be anyone Top Scorer: Impossible to tell

My performance evaluation for the captain of the Titanic

I conducted a survey asking people to name the worst thing about modern society. To my surprise, absolutely none of them said that traffic lights are too boring. But I still went ahead and devised a solution to the problem anyway

It's OK to not be OK. You might not want to talk about to friends but there is help out there... www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-h...

They destroyed an entire website just to silence me but I will NEVER stop posting

Always take proactive action when you see an ad for a job that isn't right for you. It saves a lot of potential awkwardness.

It's pretty fascinating to see how horses have evolved over time, imo

Most people believe the actors improvised the opening scene in Saving Private Ryan but movie buffs like me know that's not fully accurate. Yes, the dialogue was improvised (as it is in most films) but much of the action was likely pre-planned with some actors even being told beforehand what to do.