Timesaving tip for any other filing cabinet enthusiasts out there: If you're checking out pictures of filing cabinet on Google image search, don't bother scrolling past the 6,508th image. The filing cabinets pictured after that aren't as good, imo 👎

I operate a different system to prison inmates. To me, snitches get riches because they are doing the important work of reporting to me the misdeeds of others. As far as I'm concerned, Steven's time as The Snitcher was his finest hour and helped to create the surveillance village we all wish for.

Unsanctioned k*ssing? Your pen will go missing.

Jailed for stealing a cycle? You need to share a cell with Sir Michael.

Don't want your collar felt? Don't mess with a yellow belt.

A sharp poke for those who smoke Lots of penalties for Sir Michael's enemies Lovely rhymes for the Village Times

The person who wears that shoe must be taller than Everest. How does he manage to get through his front door?

Proving what has been said repeatedly - you just can't teach maths - oh well, thanks for trying, this is definitely over my head 🤓

WARNING: Local youths in the park are offering to verify people's Instagram account for €150. DO NOT PURCHASE. After I paid, I gave them my phone for the verification process but when they gave it back, they had changed my username to “AVerifiedDork”. I AM 99% CERTAIN IT IS NOT A LEGITIMATE BUSINESS

It's hard for us to appreciate the true scale of Mount Everest. So to put it in a context that we can all understand, here's a comparison chart showing the height of Mount Everest alongside other tall things

This local man Michael seems to have a lot of opinions on everything

Oh no! I'm so embarrassed 🙈 This is not what I was expecting to happen at all. But please send me copies of their essays about me, thanks in advance.

If you ask me, that charity is very dubious. The employee in the village shop who's allegedly responsible for "ripping her off" has a very respectable 71% record of charging customers the correct price and he's done a lot of good work in the community and he would rather not be blamed for things.

Oh no, this is embarrassing 🙈 Word has got out about my donation of over €0.99 to the local owl sanctuary. I must have forgotten to tick the “Anonymous” box by accident 🤦‍♂️ Now everyone's hailing me as a hero. Please, everyone, this isn't about me! The staff at the sanctuary have done just as much!

A former teacher of mine once told me that there are no stupid or unnecessary questions and I carry those words of wisdom with me every day online

Thinking of becoming a successful businessperson? Here's everything you'll need to know

He is a trend setter

Go Mariners!

Finally! (Almost) the only news you can trust!

Any publicity is good publicity...

Thank you!!! Although You spelt (Absolutely) wrong!

It's the latest issue of your super-soaraway Village Times! The only newspaper made of posters that you need! Four pages jam-packed with all the latest news from the Village that you read here over the last few days. #VillageTimes The Village Times is the Village Papers.

With box office revenues falling, Hollywood could boost profits by combining popular genres. My idea? A violent mafia film that's also a heartwarming kids' movie; A toddler is appointed boss of the mafia. The kid slowly teaches the mobsters to have fun and they start doing murders more playfully ❤️

US fan behaviour at the Ryder Cup is being criticised so here are some milder insults to yell at rival golfers: - "You don't always safely eject USB devices” - “You wrote a blog post claiming the final Game of Thrones season was very satisfying" - “You know little about Ottoman Empire trade routes"

There's a lot of conspiracy theories about why Kieran Culkin looks so much taller in Succession than he does in Home Alone. Some say camera angles, others say CGI or a secret doppelganger and I respect those views. But, for me, it's more likely down to a simple case of good old-fashioned witchcraft.

Seems like about time the @villagetimes.bsky.social did some investigative work here 🤓

The question I get asked most frequently is, "Michael, what is your opinion of the Wikipedia page on doors?" Well, here are my full and honest thoughts

Note: Beginning 10/1, HEI Monthly Subs will increase from $5/mo to $6/mo to support increased production costs. Your first payment after 10/1 will reflect the updated price. HEI Annual Subs will remain at $55/yr and continue to be your best On Cinema at the Cinema value!

Never forget the time I had to contact my local costume shop on Facebook. The last-minute hospital pass by David to Sonya is exquisite.

Just wanted to jump and register my Champions League predictions ahead of the big kick-off. Hope I don't end up with egg on my face! 🙈 Winners: Not sure yet Runners-Up: Too tough to call Dark Horse Team: I don't know Underachieving Team: No idea. Could be anyone Top Scorer: Impossible to tell

My performance evaluation for the captain of the Titanic

Can't remember what day of the week it is but here are your #FollowFriday suggestions @sirmichael.bsky.social @greennotcabbage.bsky.social @hadenoughnow.bsky.social @slacko.bsky.social If you didn't make the list it's because I couldn't remember your ID but congratulations to everyone above.

How many Guinness World Records has @sirmichael.bsky.social broken? The results will surprise you!

It's always amusing when some poor unsuspecting soul gets caught up in Village shenanigans.

Hopefully my computer will start working again for a bumper issue of Village Times. Does anyone know how to fix iMacs that have "lost" the start up thing?

This month's @vizcomic.bsky.social wasnt as good as it used to be, apart from @daveyjones.bsky.social, although disappointed that Gilbert Ratchet didn't have "that kind of..." ending. Imagine that is all I had to moan about 😂❤️😂❤️

I think what we really need around here is a good old-fashioned field day

I conducted a survey asking people to name the worst thing about modern society. To my surprise, absolutely none of them said that traffic lights are too boring. But I still went ahead and devised a solution to the problem anyway

Always take proactive action when you see an ad for a job that isn't right for you. It saves a lot of potential awkwardness.

They destroyed an entire website just to silence me but I will NEVER stop posting

This is the most beautiful corner of social media and I will always treasure what @sirmichael.bsky.social and pals have created.

It's OK to not be OK. You might not want to talk about to friends but there is help out there... www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-h...

So considerate

What an honour! I'd like to dedicate this award to everyone except my terrible followers who have antagonised me relentlessly again this month. They make me so mad.

Delighted to announce the winner of PERSON OF THE MONTH - SEPTEMBER The winner is.... @sirmichael.bsky.social Congratulations, this was well deserved.

Most people believe the actors improvised the opening scene in Saving Private Ryan but movie buffs like me know that's not fully accurate. Yes, the dialogue was improvised (as it is in most films) but much of the action was likely pre-planned with some actors even being told beforehand what to do.

It's pretty fascinating to see how horses have evolved over time, imo

@daveyjones.bsky.social When the name of the cartoon strip gets a massive laugh even before you start reading it.

We need Transfer Deadline Day for other professions too. Surgeons being whisked out of the operating theatre to ply their trade in a rival hospital. Firefighter shimmying back up the pole b/c another fire station has bid for them. David Attenborough kicking penguins b/c he wants a move to Eastenders