If I was the manager of a hotel, I'd offer visitors an extensive range of Do Not Disturb door signs which include exceptions for very specific occasions

My favourite thing about @villagetimes.bsky.social is that we are not the @villageecho.bsky.social Love you Village Echo!

How do you know what top Michael is wearing?

i amount of butter i purchased at costco appeared to unnerve and frighten the other shoppers

TECH TIP Let's say you need a photo of an adult horse but don't have time to image search "adult horse." Instead, just google “baby horse” (it has one fewer letter so will be quicker to type). Then choose a pic and run it through a face-ageing app. You'll soon have a photo of an adult horse. Easy!

So many men online are clueless about romance so here's a tip on how to conduct yourself on a date, guys If a lady offers to pay for your meal on the 1st date, BE A GENTLEMAN by politely declining and insisting that your parents, whom you've brought along as chaperones, will pay for all four of you

So #Eurovision, why boycott next year?. Genuinely confused. The time to boycott was the last two years, surely?

Tech Tip Ever wondered how to password-protect a document? No problem! Here's a tech tip that will keep your confidential information secure from prying eyes 👍

Science first.

This is so unfortunate. I hope it doesn't take decades for the bridge to be rebuilt :(

@kevin-gallant.bsky.social Thanks for the follow. Also, Oh, Hello

Terrible News. The Village Times was about to make contact with the l*vely girls who did a lot of k*ssing with @sirmichael.bsky.social but the bridge has been washed away!

*** NEW CHARACTERS ALERT*** Everyone please welcome Pat and Jasper. I, for one, have absolutely no doubts that we'll be hearing a lot more from them.

Best friends 🐕🥰👍 🛒👚👕🐕🎄🤶Order Christmas dog printed t-shirts on the website: teepetus.com

I hate that this is Ireland now.

The only change I would make is to include the scene from Weekend at Bernie's 2, in which Bernie dances in a conga line.

Home Alone was a pretty successful film. But could it have been even more successful? With these 8 simple changes, I believe so, yes.

Meant to post this yesterday but hopefully it's still useful. The key cutting shop near my house is offering a special Black Friday deal of 16 keys cut for the price of 15. Offer only available until 5pm yesterday. Ask for Pat rather than Jasper (Jasper doesn't agree with Black Friday as a concept).

Remember: Almost all of us are the descendants of immigrants who fled persecution, or were brought to America under duress, or sought better lives for themselves and their descendants. Politicians who stoke fear and hatred over immigration want you to forget this. Do not.

A touching contribution to G Amato's Funeral from Manuel.

@headforpoints.com Did you see that Tesco Ireland Clubcard is now linking up with Avios? www.flyertalk.com/forum/aer-li... Tesco Ireland Clubcard has had to part waves with Tesco UK. You couldn't make it up! :D :D

Ladders are brilliant. You can use them to climb up, but turn them upside down you can use them to climb down things! #Viz #VizComic

I normally listen to the radio with the volume off just to be on the safe side.

Have I ever listened to Hey Jude by The Beatles? Absolutely not. It's addressed to Jude, not me. What about Annie's Song by John Denver? Nope. Not my song so none of my business. Everyone should treat the private communications of musicians with the same level of respect as I do.

I'm a genius, apparently...

You’ve come out saying you are opposed to replacing 4 with a strawberry emoji but have remained silent on the frankly more dangerous and hugely ill judged idea I’ve just had of replacing money in every forth atm transaction with a blast of flames. Surely safety comes first?

Just sprinted to the park to register. The local youths seemed a bit surprised initially but quickly agreed to hold my PIN and passwords for free! Sometimes I think they're a little naive when it comes to business.

Did you know that the local youths run a PIN database. Register with them and if you ever forget your PIN they've got you covered. They also do internet banking passcodes, or any financially-related passwords you might use. 👍

Pam, you're a genius. I can't believe society hasn't thought of this before. It's the most effective and elegant solution to the blight of forgotten PINs that anyone could have ever hoped for.

I agree with you, Michael. I also think we should all have the same PIN, and it should be 1234. That way, if somebody forgets their PIN, somebody else could say "Oh, it's 1234, the same as mine".

One thing I'm vehemently opposed to is replacing the number 4 button on ATM keypads with a button for the strawberry emoji. I just think that, given the costs involved and the fact that most people's PINs don't contain the strawberry emoji, it wouldn't be worth the upheaval.

wife: will you taste this dressing i made and tell me if it needs anything me: *smacking lips* not enough islands

The Sopranos was a popular TV show but with a few changes, I believe it could have been even more popular. Here are the changes I would make

there's an owl literally hooting outside, predictable much???

I enjoy the TV show The Traitors. But I believe there are ways to make it even better. Here are my ideas:

I knew the first COP30 event after Dick Cheney's death would be hard but not this hard :( Can't stop imagining his excited face as he walks around doing his thing; decrying green energy, enriching himself at the expense of an inhabitable future and plotting more war crimes. He'd have been so happy 💔

GREAT day! Met some local youths outside the village shop who asked me to buy them a packet of cigarettes for use in “an anti-smoking billboard campaign” they're working on. I was happy to help! When I gave them the packet they ran to a nearby alley to get started. Good luck with the campaign, kids!

If any of you ever wish to avoid attending an event but need an excuse to get out of it, please feel free to use me. Simply complete this form, give it to the person(s) inviting you to said event and you'll be in the clear 👍

I'm not taking criticism from a press that can't spell disgraceful. We like tarts in Devon. Especially fruity ones. #DevonWins

If anyone's at a loose end tonight and wants to see something insane, check out the user manual for the Ebac E-Care+ AWM96D2-WH washing machine. I just found a punctuation error in the table of contents!! You don't see slip-ups like that every day!

Hope this doesn't inconvenience anyone but if any of you are thinking of dressing up for Halloween as the electrician who fixed my grandad's oven in 1986, please don't. I've recently learned that he passed away in 2013 so it would be a little disrespectful. Please choose a different costume instead.

Wasn't it great being young? Wish I'd noticed at the time.

Happy to report that I spoke with Tina recently and she's keeping well. There's serious talk of her adding a new wing to the wheelbarrow museum which would house wheelbarrows that have been pushed by minor Latvian celebrities.

@sirmichael.bsky.social How is Tina Bobshaw these days?

@sirmichael.bsky.social, my crossword is broken!!

Timesaving tip for any other filing cabinet enthusiasts out there: If you're checking out pictures of filing cabinet on Google image search, don't bother scrolling past the 6,508th image. The filing cabinets pictured after that aren't as good, imo 👎

I operate a different system to prison inmates. To me, snitches get riches because they are doing the important work of reporting to me the misdeeds of others. As far as I'm concerned, Steven's time as The Snitcher was his finest hour and helped to create the surveillance village we all wish for.

Unsanctioned k*ssing? Your pen will go missing.

Jailed for stealing a cycle? You need to share a cell with Sir Michael.