Shit, anyone got a spare sun I can borrow?

I don't like to brag but I do think our cat Jim is probably better at stretching than virtually any other cat in Britain.

Damn, I had other plans for my week off work.

Replace any word in a Star Trek title with "knob." Spock's Knob

Timeline cleanser 🐈

From this week’s Beano.

Well don't I feel stupid

Everyone: "The 3 promoted teams will all just go straight back down again" Wolverhampton Wanderers: "Hold my beer"

Zach Polanski, "We can stop the small boats criss. We could have safe and legal routes" "This is a manufactured crisis by the Conservative government and now the Labour government" "There is a sense the country is broken. And they're right" "Answer is not to blame migrants or asylum seekers"

Jules, this is Brian. Listen, I'm on an airplane that's been hijacked. If things don't go well, and it's not looking good, I just want you to know I absolutely love you. I want you to do good, go have good times. Same to my parents and everybody, and I just totally love you, and I'll see you when ..

@sirmichael.bsky.social you have once again been found by Facebook content mills. At least they didn't hide your name.

This might be the wine talking but HOLY SHIT THERE'S GOING TO BE STAR TREK LEGO

The fact that the two new presenters of Masterchef are women is the biggest "fuck you" possible to Greggggg possible, and I love it.

It's OK to not be OK. You might not want to talk about to friends but there is help out there... www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-h...

Slightly diminish a book. To Injure A Mockingbird

@hadenoughnow.bsky.social Do I really need *both* kidneys? AND a spleen?

Merry Christmas everyone!

Somebody to Love...no, wait, Show Must Go On...no, wait, Hammer To Fall...no, wait...shit this is hard.

Today is my birthday, and my amazing partner @hadenoughnow.bsky.social has given me a record player, one of my favourite albums on vinyl, the first Discworld book (because I'd mentioned that I'd been meaning to get into Terry Pratchett but wasn't sure where to begin), some booze, and a snaccident.

It's my birthday today, and all I ask for is for *The Thing* to happen over in the USA.

Outstanding work by Reach PLC in making their one and only business function completely unusable.

HEY JUDE

It's going to be so funny watching Man U get relegated

2-0 up on our first match back in the Premier League. Am I dreaming? #SunderlandAFC

BB Guns N Roses

Listening to Tchaikovsky on a record player, while drinking a coffee. I think I may have found personal peace, at least for a little while.

If Hannah Hampton has no depth perception, my helpful suggestion for the men's team is that they poke one of Jordan Pickford's eyes out.

CHLOE FUCKING KELLY!!!!!!!!

Hannah Hampton is incredible!

Waiting for the ref to decide that one didn't count too

Oh bollocks

Imagine you are Michelle Agyemang, 19. You got the team into the final. You are elated. You did that. You wake up and see the nation's joy. *You* played a major part in creating that. You read the head of state's well wishes, smiling. You see you are not in their chosen picture.

Aston Villa need to rename the North Stand at Villa Park (where the BTTB stage was, and therefore where Ozzy gave his final farewell) to the Ozzy Osbourne Stand.

Why has it taken this long to bring Agyemang on? We'd have at least 2 goals if she'd been on earlier.

Ozzy Osbourne visited my magic shop. He said he'd like to buy some stink bombs. How many? All of them. I had to go through drawers finding every last one. He bought 900 of them. To sign the credit card slip I handed him a shock pen, which he thought was hilarious and bought that too. RIP

He was rocking right until the end. Farewell to a genuine legend and trailblazer.

When I was little, the U.S. military came to our home at gunpoint and took me and my family away. We were imprisoned for years in barbed wire camps simply because we were Japanese American. I have spent my life telling that story, hoping it would never be repeated.

Get in!

Fuck

Oh that was sloppy. Bugger.

Bring back Lloyd Grossman, I say.

This feels like unnecessarily aggressive branding for fruit flavoured water.

Age verification? The first computer games I ever played took 10 minutes to load from a compact cassette tape, and sounded like R2D2 being tortured while they loaded. And in many cases, while playing them too.

France are all over us here. They've sussed every move before we even make it. This is clearly not the same Lioness team that won the last Euros.

EDL have actually killed an MP but they're not banned

just so tired of living in a country where racists are platformed on every news programme, but musicians being nasty about a literal army committing literal genocide is beyond the pale