In the chart of record

YES!

I just started wroting a post and thought oh God, all the replies are gonna be “didn’t you mean to send it to Fesshole” So I have sent it to Fesshole. I wonder if the horrible cunts who run the account will approve it?

If there's one thing I want for 2026 it's for drug companies to stop putting caffeine in decongestants. If want caffeine there's many sources, like a cup of tea, and it just means a pile of random pills that I can't take in the evening. Oh and also death to fascism would also be nice.

I did hope that @fesshole.bsky.social would be 100k followers for the new year, but Christmas miracles didn't happen and it's only 99.9k

I have a sneaking love for Peter Hitchens - in a world where every rightwinger’s opinions are identical and you can predict them with five lines of JavaScript, he’s a true original who will just come out and say something absolutely insane

My food related Adam Ant joke (we've all got one, right?) was how I used to call my son, Stanely to the kitchen to eat, in a gag totally lost on him: "Stan, it's your dinner, your mummy is my wife"

I'm credited for inventing the "like" button which feels like grandad is having a funny turn and making things up - but this guy thinks so anyway - thanks @matlock.bsky.social 👍 medium.com/s/a-brief-hi...

I have just gone onto Twitter to see what Grok is doing, to see if it'll inspire @grokofshit.bsky.social for more templates and it's just so much worse than any jokes. Genuinely a horror show. The media tab is 80% images where men have replied to women's selfies to AI-fake them into being revealing.

Been really enjoying picking up the randomiser stuff again - it's such a specific type of technology, carefully writing templates and word lists. It has a deliberateness you can't achieve in AI slop whilst also having the fun of mashing buttons and seeing what bullshit I can make it spit out.

This is breaking me. I must stop pressing publish and hack in some sort of scheduler, coz I want to post them all.

I'm glad I don't actually give a fuck about football - we live in a capitalist hellscape

I don't know what my code is making here but it's making me laugh and I should go to bed

Sophie Ellis-Bextor, her britpop theaudience era, she walks into the Good Mixer in Camden. Looks around for anyone interesting, there's no one, sniffs air, turns on a heel and exits. I feel correctly judged, as I am indeed, not worthy of even a glance.

I have invented a new Christmas dish, deep-fried pigs in blankets: pigs in double glazing.

Merry Christmas from Boop and Leonard

To “well… actually” this, Wikipedia says six times.

It's almost annoying how smart the idea is of taking over the Church of England. It's weak as fuck, but has institutional power and loads of assets. And what is the pushback really? Do loads of anti-racists atheists have to join to fight them off? Can they truly be arsed?

My new year's resolution is 640... I am unable to continue this joke as I've not be aware of the exact pixel depth of anything for 15+ years. There's more than enough, who cares. I think the only number that really truly matters anymore is disk space.

If you want a little GeoGuesser game then where was this late britpop adjacent video filmed? It's around 2001 - that's Music Cabin & Elias, it should be findable but I am struggling. There's a dry cleaners called Elias in St John's Wood but road looks different. www.youtube.com/watch?v=bKwd...

Today is actually the best day of Christmas because it’s when pigs in blankets are half price in the supermarkets

Bungle on the ceiling, there’s no more room down there

I do indeed follow fesshole

Makes me a bit sad that Paul McCartney is having to refute jokes here. Clearly a joke, but a joke so viral it's become dominant enough to make simple minded idiots think it's true.

Just watched It's A Wonderful Life for probably the 15th time. Never tire of the traditional Christmas message that the struggle against rapacious capitalism is eternal and the solution is working together with your friends and family and not being the atomised worker only helping themselves.

I just spent five minutes fiddling with the templates to find some Christmassy Matt images for the box to process. Merry Christmas from me and Tinfoil Matt. Now to watch the season finale of Pluribus, which I hope is very Christmassy too.

Ayn Rand Dancing At The Commodore Executive 64 Launch Party Is Still The Best Thing On The Internet 13th Feb 2016 🔁 18 🩶 20 [url]

Merry Christmas to everyone, even my haters who don’t follow all my bots in my starter pack go.bsky.app/Ej3fmNR

They're not laughter tracks, they're a live audience. The shows would be less funny without them, because the actors use audience reactions to judge the timing, and timing as the (actually correct) cliche goes is everything in comedy. I won't change your mind as you don't know what you're watching.

Found myself with unexpectedly four pints too much milk. I’m gonna vibe cook trying to make ricotta. I do like it when I’ve got too much of a thing and you just look at it and go what the fuck can I do with it? And so you get to try out something new.

Joy Division's Closer is a Christmas album

I nominate "do better" as the year's most irritating phrase. It's just so bloody entitled. Twats sitting around open jawed expecting content to be spoon-fed into their mouth, and then it's not exactly conforming to what they want, they complain from a psuedo position of higher morality. Fuck off.

The bot now has alt text as a couple of people said it should - I probably don’t need to repeat the text in the post mind you - I’d best add a config option to turn that off. Wondering what the chances are of getting a cease and desist from The Telegraph?

The reputation of lentil curry was destroyed by Neil from the Young Ones. I am undestroying it back.

I've stuck randomly generated conspiracies onto Matt from the Telegraph's cartoons to create "Tinfoil Matt" (Not AI, me writing templates, the good old fashioned way to do these things with a strong degree of authorship.) Follow @tinfoil-matt.bsky.social NOW.

One day I'll automate sticking @anonopin.bsky.social onto columnist templates coz it's never not great

Legendary subterfuge that all b3ta members will remember

What the fuck is that headline?

The National Lottery was only launched to catch time travellers.

Please reply to this with something a conspiracy person might say, i.e. "Bush did 9/11" or "COVID Vaccines are programmed by Bill Gates to put nanobots into our blood and control our brains" or whatever it it is now. Yes it's for a thing.

Apologies if I jinxed this

Please reply to this with something a conspiracy person might say, i.e. "Bush did 9/11" or "COVID Vaccines are programmed by Bill Gates to put nanobots into our blood and control our brains" or whatever it it is now. Yes it's for a thing.

Watched the Office Christmas Party (1970) that people were banging on about and it's as wonderful as people are saying. BUT why the fuck is it on YouTube and not iPlayer? Ads every 10 mins. Yeah BBC, stick stuff on YouTube if you want, but surely iPlayer too. www.youtube.com/watch?v=OxAz...

Half Ma’am Half Brisket

My opinion is basically the opposite. He's made more crap movies than not, but he's a very entertaining interviewee as he shoots his mouth off and has billions of strong and quite arbitrary opinions. The man was born to podcast.

Sharing my only good post from the other place

Half a shit joke appeared in my head along the lines that Spotify Rapped being rap versions of all your favourite tunes this year, and then I realised this very doable with horrible AI, and it stopped being even vaguely amusing to contemplate. Anyway, so the prediction is: the cunts will do it.

This logo really works if you think about the typefaces left from right. This thing you think is normal and modern? Punchline, it's a Nazi.

B3ta newsletter 973, out now "B3TA BUMPER CHRISTMAS ISSUE - MERRY CHRISTMAS READERS - YOU MOSTLY DON'T SMELL AND WE LIKE YOU, A BIT" * SWEDE MASON RETURNS - like a Prodigy-ical son * YOU ARE THE AI - learn to be human * ANON OPIN - The best replies (new reg feature?) b3ta.com/newsletter/i...