"B3TA SEES OFF EIGHTH PRIME MINISTER SINCE OPENING" * SUBMIT YOUR WEBSITE - to the Tiny Awards * MAKE A DRAWING - for 'free wifi' * BUY A JOKE BOOK - and learn to write your own b3ta.com/newsletter/i...

This dried mango is excellent value – okay it’s not very flavoursome but you can chew it for ages

ASCII, ASCII, ASCII

Never watched a single episode of Black Mirror as I first heard of it by people replying to my occasional dark but slightly funny observations about technology as being "just like Black Mirror" and it made me think no, fuck off, it's just like me, having a thought.

I did fact check this before letting it through the admin and I was delighted to learn it was true and that I'm possibly spreading life saving advice here. At worst it might be correlation and not causation, so nothing to lose, go on and have a wank.

Kevin Rowland has sent a fess in then

To answer the question on everyone's lips:

I apologise for the feelings of jealousy that are rising in you right now but I have a pint of crème caramel and you have not

Given Minions & Monsters is the 7th movie in the Despicable Me franchise it has no right to be as entertaining as it is. It works as it's not weighed down by continuity, it's just a fun tribute to classic Hollywood populated by creatures that might as well be Gremlins who've eaten after midnight.

THANK YOU - someone gets it. And no, I didn't write this.

The golden moment where a politician says a lot of right things before then messy compromises of dealing with reality. I'm not being cynical that he will fail so much as, please, don't fail, coz there are real political wolves growling at the door wanting to eat everything.

"Hello darkness my old friend" refers to Paul Simon riffing songs in the dark, literally with the lights off, so it's all about what he hears and not what he sees. There will be barely one person who reads this who plays music, who won't go hmm, I fancy trying that actually.

Does anyone know of a podcast that explains this stuff? (I can't resist imagining a jokey name like The Rest Is Pope-itics, but it's a real question)

Douglas Adams clip I'd not seen before, and it's not what he's saying I find of interest, but it's clearly filmed in his home office, and it's a procrastinator's paradise www.youtube.com/watch?v=Edkl...

Yep

WHERE'S MY NUMBERS YOU COWARDS

Looks like I've annoyed someone

This was not a hard decision

There's a deffo lowering of quality of replies since AI. Not just people pasting in AI shite, but people anxiously checking AI before posting, and paraphrasing the top line of AI as the post/reply. I see you. You think you get away with it, but I see you.

I hear some of you still struggle to judge how much pasta to cook. It's 100g per person. The average bag is 500g, so 1/5th of the packet per person. Can't judge 5ths? You can, just try harder.

My theory on why Manchester is powerful and it's the ITV franchise / Granada TV. Tony Wilson was able to build a non-London power base with it, used it to launch Factory records, and make a conscious decision to stay in Manc. The people making culture had a nucleus and didn't have to move to London.

Nice

Took photo of broken toilet handle so I could get a replacement but somewhat distracted by how, with the loo roll, it looks like something from the Jim Henson Creature Workshop

Slightly infuriating AI sign at the gym, that’s not even a sentence

My new hobby is under every ad for a "new distraction-free writing tool" is to write "use a fucking biro"

Would you like to hear my edgy joke?

Don't care where No 10 is, just want cheap trains* * and other good things, but trains would be a good start

Old footballers shouldn't have to retire into podcasts, running pubs or being far right on social media, they should graduate to playing less physically demanding sports. I for one, would love to see David Beckham play Kevin Keegan at Monopoly.

Yup, I have the same problem. Does drawing a little picture make the ideas more legitimate?

My sitcom parents. My mum was irritated throughout the 1970s by people comparing her to Margo Leadbetter as her name was Margot. "It's with a T, it's NOT the same name" My dad, well he was a short mediterranean looking bloke with the surname Manuel, and boy did people like going "Que?" at him.

This is normal right? You're cursed with endless ideas that spring every minute into your head that you have no use for?

Reform U.K. is for people who have tattoos of their children but not custody of them.

Well that's a new nickname. Best get the regulation old git Weller cut.

As late era comeback singles go, Lovestruck by Madness is up there.

🎶Young man Shave that thing off your face I said - young man Your top lip's a disgrace🎶

Have people who like beer ever tried squash?

Bluesky, never stop being Bluesky

Googled the first CGI in the movie and wildly it was 1958 and Hitchcock. OK, it's not CGI really as you understand it now, more just trippy patterns generated by plugging a military computer into an oscilloscope, but still, it's computer geneated imagery and counts.

I don't use Threads. I've posted 4 things. Not thought about it for months. Just logged in because and... somehow I've got 35,000 followers there. I'd like to think I'm popular but, something something bots, is more likely. Have a nose - see if you can work it out. www.threads.com/robmanuelyeah

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Looks like nonsense but it's almost readable if you really really squint. Maybe I could sell this technology to spies in the 1980s.

Would you like to see a picture of Kraftwerk 'digitised' into the Amstrad CPC character set? No? Tough.

There is no way some sub didn't write "buck off" first and then went "I can't"

Well I'm not going to sleep in this heat so what is the doomiest climate change podcast I can listen to so I can really appreciate this moment?

Reading some early 1970s science fiction and boy those writers were horny. Two pages without mentioning breasts? Best mention breasts again to keep the readers interested.

Buster Keaton performed this stunt 98 years ago and is regularly shared because people go "holy shit, somebody actually did that". I don't think there's generative art made today, that'll be regularly shared 98 years after it was made because none of it generates awe.

Yeah get help mate but also made me laugh with the second, and another thing, submission

Rather than pick a row with someone I like, I've spent 3 minutes making this to get out my irritation in a subtweet