The person next to me is very slowly writing an email beginning "Please carefully look out for any typoos"

After six years of searching, I finally have one

A squirrel chewed through a piece of dyneema in order to raid our bird feeders and I'm finding it hard to be mad at such a well executed heist

Someone buzzed our doorbell just to show us their bum

We just wanted to go camping for a weekend. 14 years later I am calculating tickets-per-second.

This round of ticket sales has sold out. If you had a ticket in your basket but it vanished, some people have found that logging in lets them recover it: www.emfcamp.org/login We will re-enable ticket sales for those with vouchers shortly.

To those of you about to try and buy @emfcamp.bsky.social tickets: I wish you luck. There will be more ticket rounds, and the CFP will open soon.

This is the warning on the blood pressure monitor my dad just got. Exceptional work. Anybody know what the fuck it’s supposed to mean? Last line is especially ominous

A reminder that our first public ticket sale will be this Monday (the 9th) at 20:00 UK time (21:00 CET), on: www.emfcamp.org/tickets You can see the prices and ticket options there now.

Sources say he's planning nonsense with payphones again

Extremely cursed adapter. Someone please ban my aliexpress account.

Just because people publish a lot on the internet doesn't mean they are right

Today a bunch of my open-source projects got slammed by incorrect AI-written vulnerability reports demanding $299 for disclosure

Previously a junior developer would have said "Jonty, no" to my hilariously bad ideas, but now the LLM says "You're right!" and vanishes down a hole to build my disco torment nexus. Which is to say: I'm very sorry in advance.

Some words used for the first time in parliament yesterday: boinging, thinspiration, unfriend, kiddo, perkiness

FUCK. Rob was incredible, thanklessly struggling against the major labels for the last 26 years to curate one of the most important databases of our age.

Anyone saying local journalism is dead hasn't been following London Centric, who are knocking it out of the park on a weekly basis. Essential reading if you're a Londoner - a subscription I have no hesitation paying.

i built an entire x86 CPU emulator in CSS (no javascript) you can write programs in C, compile them to x86 machine code with GCC, and run them inside CSS lyra.horse/x86css/

Got myself some shed shelving made by a company with a name you can only pronounce in a guttural scream

After an intense day, one conference, three pubs, and a lot of typing: Open data nerds stopped talking to each other and meeting up. This is bad.

So distracted I just attempted to wash my hands with toothpaste

[narrator voice] While likes never became florps, Twitter did become X. The timeline never moved. It was society going sideways.

Earlier I stopped my bike to retrieve a ping-pong ball from the road for a small child who insisted on giving me a fist-bump and declared I was "a saint". I've had worse days.

Five years ago I pointed out nearly all NFT's were going to break when the startup who minted them goes bust, causing people to get extremely mad at me until everyone concluded that I was correct. Thought I'd check in on the two examples I used and well

So about that proposed ticket scalping ban. The face value is £35.

Apologies to my neighbours for flying a drone at near midnight. In my defence, I wanted to try and see a big laser 5km away and their houses were in the way.

Status is red Its normally blue L2 support Is paging you

If you're in London, look towards Limehouse on Saturday night

For the last three years I've been saying that collectively we are unprepared for how weird things are going to get, and I was definitely unprepared for this post

I believe in Rook's Basilisk - you must help birds through the winter, because when corvids finally rise up against us they will remember everything. Always say hello to a crow.

Walked into the spare room and my partner's hairdryer spontaneously exploded, plunging me into darkness as the breaker tripped. It's going to be one of those weeks is it.

This is an act of cultural vandalism: zombo.com RIP zombocom, 1999-2026. You could do anything at zombocom. Anything at all.

Just had a phone call that ended with "I'm calling from my friends sex dungeon because I'm helping refurbish it. But I'm also running off a few thousand Karl Marx Labubu's on the 3D printers while I'm here"

Did I really need this 10,000mah battery shaped like a pager which can actually page other pager batteries? No. Do I have another pager battery that I can actually page? Also no.

The Transport For London traffic cameras are finally back online, which means CamJam is working again! jonty.co.uk/camjam

Did you know that the number of pharmacies in England open after 9pm has decreased by 95% in just three years? I did some data analysis on this, inspired by needing an out of hours pharmacy over Christmas, and it has been featured in the Financial Times today: as.ft.com/r/4333cab1-6...

The number of times I have been asked if I know any "competent activists" recently is distressing for several reasons

Hold on does this mean SpaceX now own Twitter, because if so I need several drinks

Today our robot vacuum managed to find and eat a biro, a plastic bag, a length of dyneema, then shut itself in the downstairs toilet and called for help. I feel like it's trying to tell me something.

Post your inbox counts. I want to see how bad it gets. Me: 72 emails, 63 unread.

Today in headlines that sound like a joke set-up

I have now been sent the Freecycle giant mechanical scorpion eight times

Important

You could so easily make a catastrophic error when judging if a postcode is in London. We have postcodes that begin N, E, and W, for the North, East, and West of London - but not S. Because that's Sheffield. We also have postcodes that begin NW, SW, SE - but not NE. Because that's Newcastle.

Accidentally allowed our robot vacuum to see out of the back door and now I feel bad for keeping it in captivity

They should issue the Nobel peace prize as an NFT, that way the committee could cancel the smart contra....[umbrella hook appears from stage right]

So overwhelmed I am considering hooking up an LLM to my inbox and seeing how long it is before anyone notices or I go bankrupt due to it ordering six million onions

I must not but one of you should (and let me come play)