happy 20 years

this image is going to drive me insane

benihana style circumcision the doctor or mohel slaps the foreskin off with a metal spatula and then flips it into his hat

X-MEN CALLSIGN: Dan Height: 5'8" Blood Type: AB+ Mutant Level: Omega Powers and Abilities: being normal about women

CHESTER BENNINGTON (chorus) I'm Elmo's 𝗗𝗔𝗗 I'm tall and 𝗥𝗘𝗗 MIKE SHINODA (quietly) Tall and red all the time still I can't believe the son is mine

I have seen multiple accidents involving cybertrucks and without fail the driver is always eating a fully peeled banana with both hands like a cob of corn

gentle reminder that when you make jokes about the united health insurance ceo getting killed, your friends who are health insurance ceos will see them. but the united health insurance ceo won’t see them. because he’s dead

RIP, you big motherfucker. Hallucinogenic Bulb forever.

With much sadness I come bearing the devastating news that my brother, Dave aka @hallucinogenicbulb.bsky.social has passed away at the age of 29. As many of you know he went through a lot with his kidneys but that never stopped him from fighting for it.

A nuance about Saquon Barkley's game that a lot of people miss or underappreciate is that he is enormous and fast and perfect

I feel like we all just picked Bluesky and didn’t even give MILF Messenger a chance

Witness the beginning of a #DarkUniverse.

as a gamer ive eliminated thousands of moo deng like creatures for their various parts . Ive completed countless quests using their pain

One of my hottest takes is that Stevie Wonder, who’s not exactly lacking in accolades, deserves to have the widespread acclaim, reverence, and obsession that folks give The Beatles and Bob Dylan.

bad news dude, they're on the Fighter Select screen selecting and deselecting you over and over to make fun of your voice line. they're saying the little pose you do when selected is wack. they're rotating you

I slammed my brakes and did a skidding U-turn across 6 lanes of traffic to go back and get this shot.

i think people would be a lot more patient with and sympathetic towards IT if they explicitly framed their jobs as embattled heroes locked in eternal combat with the eternal foe of actual productivity: microsoft

smartToilet 7:55am 🚽😏 smartToilet 7:57am lol smartToilet 8:00am hello?? smartToilet 8:01am are you mad at me smartFridge 8:05am hey man did u say something 2 toilet he's freaking out

important,

i spent the day with laura loomer (involuntarily) (not a bit) in 2015 and it has been hilarious to follow her career since. locking herself to the door of twitter? hysterical uncanny valley plastic surgery? a riot! hooking up with trump? unreal oh the places you'll go, you sad little entrapper

The "viral glitch" was depositing a bad check on the mobile app and then withdrawing cash from the ATM when Chase made the funds available right away. They reinvented check fraud. And made TikToks about it.

Olympics not going great for this one guy

hey guys just a heads up if you go to Popeyes and try to order a burger they will beat the fucking shit out of you trust me

Hey people a functioning solution to the CrowdStrike thing is to literally keep rebooting each time it crashes. Sometimes the system will make it far enough to get the fix from CrowdStrike.

please sign my petition to post the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition on the wall of every Louisiana classroom

All I'll add to this is that philo-Semitism is super fucking creepy. I just want to live my life, man. Get a hobby that isn't us.

learning that Jesus Christ conquered death and overcame the grave is a lot less impressive when you realize who his dad is 😕

“is this loss” no. you’re thinking of a different jpeg. see a neurologist

B U C A I N B E P P O

Literally every day now we hear about another venerated media publication being nuked because some fucker with too much money decided they weren’t Generating Enough Value and it makes me want to start hunting the wealthy for sport

smoking on that shitload of fuck that got him wondering what they were thinking