you, slow-witted, dense, a damn fool really: nothing could be worse than tonight’s state of the union, it’s simply not possible to conceive of such a thing me, smiling down upon you with a beatific wisdom that is more curse than blessing:

At No Point While Rewatching Every ‘Planet Of The Apes’ Does It Occur To Man He Might Be Depressed https://theonion.com/at-no-point-while-rewatching-every-planet-of-the-apes-does-it-occur-to-man-he-might-be-depressed/

we are ruled by a class of men incapable of experiencing joy

Gonna save everyone some time. The state of the union is bad.

someone waited their ENTIRE LIFE to write that headline...

The tacos at Jack In The Box. Yes, you can get better tacos literally anywhere else, but if you want the tacos from Jack In The Box, nothing else will suffice.

Happy Zelda 40th anniversary!

Pips #188 Hard 🔴 30:34 This one sucked, but I beat it!

yes, the wheels of justice are slow. agonizingly, excruciatingly slow. and oftentimes they miss or go off the tracks entirely. in fact most of the time. but occasionally, very infrequently, that big wheel of justice delivers theoretical remuneration for a handful of vested business interests

The tech oligarchs pushing AI do not care if you can afford a computer, because they do not truly love the computer. aftermath.site/ram-prices-hdd...

Bro is like “I invented bossware but for the home. Where’s my money.”

Once, technology solved problems. People liked having problems solved, so they liked technology. Tech execs started to think of that sentiment as their due. So when they stopped solving problems, and people stopped liking them, they became outraged. "How dare you not love whatever we give you?"

Was trying to remember a Will Forte quote from Tim & Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie and accidentally figured out how to make Google’s AI tool shut up

notorious radical left communist rag says tax the rich

Something the other day reminded me of this 1984 McDonald's "Meat 'n Potatoes" commercial, which was real folksy and patriotic. Maybe it was that "Eat Real Food" spot from our now moron-led DHS. It seems strange to posit a Big Mac and fries as a wholesome meal. They weren't too worried back then.

DOG AT THE OLYMPICS FULL COMPETITION HIGHLIGHTS

Daily bunny no.3233 rides into the sun

stop making me look at those horrible men

what if i told you, through the power of forensic analysis, we are closer than ever to knowing the exact Far Side cartoon that is making Sting smile in this iconic photo. 🧵 👇

RIP robert duvall may your future-slacks be ever nicely creased

What could go wrong using AI to help stage a few listing photos?

Found the best new Wordle clone: javdle.com Based on the hilarious and disturbing posts from @jav.scd.lol. 18+ only! Also, you'll need to know what other perverted people think is funny—which, given the clues, is a real tossup.

RIP Robert Duvall. I hope you and Jimmy Caan are mooning Marlon Brando, wherever you are now. www.nytimes.com/2014/10/05/m...

I'm glad that you found somebody new. Cause I'd rather spend eternity eating shards of broken glass, than spend one more minute with you.

Perfect screenshot

That's weird, she just told me that she didn't even race today.

3am

If we can't tell the worst nazis in the world to kill themselves, the internet has no real purpose. At least give us that right!

No son, they are not "magically delicious." The workers made them delicious. This is a slogan meant to mystify the social conditions of labor

sorry i missed the virtual meeting on discord, liz. i got hit with the id verification that happens when the app detects youre young

Don't give anything an Emmy until it's as good as this.

Make America Healthy Again (with a recommendation from RFK Jr.'s nutritional chatbot to stick bananas up your ass)

a society losing the plot in real time

My folks were watching a British show on PBS and a guy on it said "he's at sixes and sevens" and I yelled "6 7!" and they got visibly annoyed at me.

They're calling HRT a "sex-rejecting procedure" now. I guess that means my wife gives me HRT every night!

You are not allowed to hurt their precious fee-fees

Sorry to be Radical Left but I don't think we should put people who haven't committed a crime, and aren't even accused of committing a crime, into any sort of "Detention"

i fucking love this place i’ll never leave

got some drafts locked and loaded thanks bluesky

Glad i wasn't around for the big bang. i hate loud noises..

Both can be true.

The drone on a luge run is awesome

the bushes were people 😂

lol, this game is over. Congrats, #SEA!

Get your first name handle on our shitty website now, dickhead billionaires!

This Super Bowl is brought to you by the impending collapse of the AI tech sector

“If I’m here at Super Bowl LX, it’s because I never stopped believing in myself. You should never stop believing in yourself either. It’s worth more than you think.” —Bad Bunny

heads up to the american news media: I do not care what racists thought of the super bowl halftime show