me: is it called sand bc it’s between the sea and the land? waiter: ma’am i meant questions about the menu.

got this random text from my aunt today and i have never been more confused in my life

i posted this earlier but deleted bc i’m a coward but w/e i’m proud of how far i’ve come in the past 5 years so fuck it. also these last few weeks have been shit so please can i get a W in the chat, you jerks?

a blue whale’s anus can stretch up to over 3 feet making it the 2nd largest asshole in the world right behind pam bondi

deleting my bikini pic to own the libs

25 of the funniest posts we’ve seen on Bluesky this week www.thepoke.com/2026/02/11/2...

little baby in front of me online at the grocery store: *waves* me: bitch i don’t know you

hey everyone i was picking up my new baby that weekend from a shelter. did i make the right choice SOUND OFF IN THE COMMENTS !!!

this year, for president’s day, i would like a new one.

i can understand a bad bunny song easier than i can understand anything eddie vedder sings and i don’t speak any spanish.

me and the girls going to get a bikini wax after a long winter

lmao kid rock wore jorts

you’re worried about young children watching the dancing during the super bowl but not about them being sexually assaulted by you and your friends? ok got it.

do the patriots know they’re at the super bowl?

i’m sure kid rock played all his hit

call me "woke" or whatever but I think the Superbowl should have less football and more dancing latinas

what if, now hear me out, there were quick football games in the middle of concerts ?

football players are all like gimme that coconut it’s mine! and tennis players are all like fuck this lemon i hate it so much you take it.

just sitting here smiling about how much trump hated that green day performance

go seahawks! get fucked, patriots.

everyone saying there’s gonna be a special announcement during the superbowl of the real final episode of stranger things and i have one message for those people: move the fuck on it’s over ffs

friendly reminder if your team doesn’t win today it’s bc they played worse than the other team. not bc you didn’t wear the right socks, you moron.

just found this pic of me and my son shooting a promo for the NY Islanders 10 years ago that never aired bc they didn’t make the playoffs fucken losers.

i’m going to costco does anyone need a lot

god i hope the pug takes a knee during the national anthem at the puppy bowl

bro do you even kiss her out of the bearded barley?

[Pearly Gates] Donald Trump: I belong in heaven because — St. Peter: [punches dude's head off his neck]

just once i want my password to change me.

international olympic committee: hey guys please don’t boo the VP everyone: lmao ok bitch

[interrupting my opponent during rap battle] That’s not grammatically correct

I'll never forget the day I figured out I could wash my baseball cap with dish soap. It was the Dawn of a New Era

in honor of valentine’s day tell me a good break up story. i’ll go 1st: i was dating a hockey player & 1 day he says, btw my family is coming into the US soon so i said i finally get to meet ur mom! he was like “haha no my wife & kids did i not tell u about them?” haha no u did not, dick

Incredible stuff happening at Spencer’s Gifts

it used to be that you only had to catch up on the horrors two or three times a day but then they said oh no no no that’s not enough horrors

they just called they’re running out of your mom

oh so you’re a big fan of kid rock? ok name 3 of his venereal diseases

it’s a real who’s who of who gives a fuck

my attention deficit is also high definition

does this work bathroom make me look tired ?

happy anniversary to the dad in my neighborhood who tackled a snow penis a few years ago.

i was walking into work & this man was next to me. i sneezed, he said “god bless you” i said “thanks” he then said “glad u said thanks! i said that to another girl & she said ‘DONT FORCE UR RELIGION ON ME!’ u know what her problem is? not enough sex” so men, long story short, please stfu sometimes

{Kool-Aid man winning a championship game and pouring himself all over his coach}

she forgot to mention she lives in a pineapple under the sea

wtf is happening at the hockey game i’m at

guy who tried to unalive hitler nailed it

ugh no that was the wrong person from home alone 2 wtf, jesus?!

ugh no that was the wrong person from home alone 2 wtf, jesus?!

ugh noooo not moira. rip, queen

i call groundhogs “floor pigs” and idgaf if they see their shadow. i’m an adult.

(Fergie voice): My crunch My crunch My lovely Cap'n Crunch