kim
@kimmymonte.bsky.social
📤 15718
📥 311
📝 3164
my stuff:
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:5rnmu5xtzqwc2c4u22abl2ka/feed/aaabw5bxhz3yw
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lead singer: ARE YOU READY TO ROCK???? me in the pit trying to clean the front of my glasses w my tshirt: JUST A SEC, BUD
12 months ago
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🎶all the. strange things🎶
1 day ago
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i stg if steve and dustin both die my 2026 will be ruined
2 days ago
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i have dark hair now please tell me it’s ok or i’ll cry until new years
2 days ago
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bill nye is short for william new year’s eve
2 days ago
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andy vs
2 days ago
*chugging vanilla coffee creamer* i'm good u??
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me at the local animal shelter: yeah hi you take birds? my true love went a little overboard this year
2 days ago
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off to spread holiday cheer and what not idk happy holidays, you bastards
3 days ago
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happy holidays, you bastard(s)
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4 days ago
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happy holidays, you bastard(s)
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4 days ago
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it’s christmas eve and my grandpa just ate 7 fucken hotdogs
4 days ago
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{college admissions office} dean: so what makes you stand out from other applicants? me: God said i can go here. dean: ok great welcome to the University of Oklahoma
5 days ago
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It's Abby. Yep.
8 days ago
By a show of jazz hands, how many of you are fabulous?
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The Blaine Clause
6 days ago
if they had just shown it on 60 Minutes nobody would have seen it
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me: so doctor, how long before i can have sex again? dentist: ma’am, you were here for a routine teeth cleaning.
6 days ago
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the person who wrote 12 days of christmas
6 days ago
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🎵deck my halls into pieces/this is my last noel🎵
8 days ago
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when they say godspeed are they referring to how fast jesus drives when he takes the wheel or no?
8 days ago
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guy who wrote 12 days of christmas
8 days ago
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i wore this shirt to work and no one gave me presents. the fuck
9 days ago
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i took one good selfie this year and that’s only bc simon’s in it
10 days ago
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*runs an entire marathon holding a pair of scissors*
10 days ago
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you think the wise man who brought gold was all like "you brought myrrh? that makes no frankincense" and then they all hi-fived all the way to the manger? i do.
11 days ago
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presentdad🙋🏻‍♂️
13 days ago
imagine getting stung by a jellyfish after everyone ate asparagus
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when mary’s water broke, jesus just walked right out
11 days ago
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i like the grinch bc he was a dog person.
12 days ago
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my milkshake brings 8 maids to the yard
13 days ago
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Viktor Winetrout
13 days ago
Good morning to everyone except the small rodent under my hat who's instructing me to commit crimes
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what’s your favorite christmas song about punching a cough drop? i’ll go first: mine’s deck the halls
15 days ago
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you just fucken ruined one of the proudest moments in the history of the US for me, you dumb fucks
15 days ago
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can i just say something quick? stop speaking for women you dumb bitch
16 days ago
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tbh a thirst trap sounds like something you’d set up in the woods to catch the Kool Aid man.
16 days ago
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i once had to move offices at work so the IT guy was setting up my printer and i had blink-182 playing and the guy says “hey is this the blink one eighties? i love this guy” and i said yup. this is that guy. the blink one eighties. he’s great.
16 days ago
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any guesses? i hope it’s We Are Charlie Kirk
17 days ago
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when your dad is so bad you turn to andrew tate for advice
17 days ago
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medusa: *walks onto her flight* samuel l. jackson: not this shit again
18 days ago
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presentdad🙋🏻‍♂️
18 days ago
you’ve been hit by you’ve been struck by a smooth operator
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annual reminder that one year my mom sent out her christmas cards without looking at them first and didn’t see they printed them with “Lou” instead of “Love” and everyone called and asked her who tf Lou was and she had no idea what they were talking about
18 days ago
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if you're about to argue over how good missy elliot is on social media, ask yourself is it worth it? let me work it. i put my thing down flip it & reverse it
19 days ago
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*puts on bathing suit and slowly lowers myself into a panicked kool aid man*
20 days ago
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you could tell me this is the poster for a new netflix series and i’d be like cool when does it drop?
20 days ago
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sorry my pug thinks you’re a punk ass bitch
20 days ago
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just broke the news to my grandma and she hurled her fake teeth into the ceiling fan and locked herself in the closet. we all deal w grief differently
21 days ago
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you guys ever wonder if aliens watch ET around Christmas time bc it’s their “Home Alone”
22 days ago
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*getting hit on by someone else’s boyfriend* aww he must smell my boyfriend
24 days ago
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when someone asks if i’ve seen the movie and i tell them no i’ve read the book
24 days ago
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they prefer the term christmas carolers
25 days ago
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if your apparel isn’t gay you can get the fuck outta my life
25 days ago
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eve 6 should write a christmas song about putting a tender & mild infant in a blender maybe idk
26 days ago
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{extremely guns n’ roses voice} 🎶welcome to the jingle we got one horse sleighs🎶
27 days ago
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The Blaine Clause
29 days ago
they say a dog's mouth is cleaner than a human's mouth but i'm still not putting my dick in one
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