listen. i have a kid but imma say it. stop bringing your kids to breweries. have a beer in your backyard and watch your kids there. i’m just tryna escape it all and now your kid is having a race w his other siblings and screaming about his bluey being stepped on. dogs only from now on. ty that’s it

my son made this video when he was 9 and it’s lived rent free in my head ever since

when you get a good report card & mom treats you to olive garden

just got fired from my job for not posting anything nice about robert redford’s death.

my friends yelling to get me help when i fall down the stairs

dracula: so we meet again mister bond bond: have we met? sorry dracula: at susan’s party  bond: dracula: in malibu bond: oh right right the vampire guy dracula: ha ha yes the vampire guy

This morning I heard “Shock the Monkey.” When the DJ came back, he said, “The only way I would ever shock a monkey is by giving it two bananas when it only expected one,” and I said HELL yeah

Look, Charlie wasn't evil. He just did and said evil things, embraced evil agendas, and made a career out of increasing the amount of evil in the world. But he himself was not evil. I'm 11 years old by the way

i haven’t laughed this hard since trump got covid

I'm not saying I'm dumb but nobody ever tells me "that's a great question"

me: hey dave, you almost done. we open the bakery in 5 min.... dave grohl: I'VE GOT ANOTHER CONFECTION TO BAKE

never forget

we are missing our third @prof-hinkley.bsky.social

football players are all like gimme that coconut it’s mine! and tennis players are all like fuck this lemon i hate it so much

just remember, if your football team loses this season, it's 100% bc you didn't wear the right shirt you dumb fuck how could you

pumpkins were invented in 1971 when a watermelon tried on a pair of corduroys

Am I happy? No. But am I living a meaningful life? Also no

when you order mel gibson from temu

i need this flaming finger on my front lawn right the fuck now

blink 182 and a half men

If your palms are sweaty that just means someone is talking about spaghetti

if you take twenty one pilots and add another twenty one pilots then subtract one republic the sum 41

everyone after trump’s 2pm announcement

25 of the funniest posts we’ve seen on Bluesky this week. www.thepoke.com/2025/09/02/2...

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS HAPPENING AT THE WHITE HOUSE RN

Nate Silver mostly exists just to remind the rest of us to be grateful that we are not Nate Silver

*sucks on a chili dog* this is extremely messy who does this?

if you’re put in charge of old mcdonald’s farm does that make you the CIEIO?

i think jd vance should pay trump a little pope visit.

rudy giuliani has been airlifted to four seasons total landscaping

if i were bono, i’d quit music & open up a gluten free bakery called “Where The Treats Have No Grain”

he'll always be dead in our hearts

ASHLEIGH: we’re going to the ralleigh ANDRE: is it todae THOM: no it’s thomorrow STEPHEN: at sephen o’clock MICHAEL: how much were the tichaets PHOEBE: they were phroe MARGOT: oh man i wish i could got GEOFF: me too i’m geolous

you mean to tell me a whole league fantasized about a football.

sad news out of DC tonight. donald trump has been found alive at age 79.

if my name was rhonda i’d have people call me honda for short

sure. labor gets a whole day when happy only gets an hour everything is shit go hug your kids

friendly reminder to keep track of how many hotdogs your grandpa eats on labor day

netflix should do a documentary about people who microwave fish at work.

WHO CALLED THEM PORNOGRAPHIC MOVIES AND NOT CUMMING ATTRACTIONS??

the ‘c’ in indictment should be arrested for loitering

I should be able to shazam how the guy down the street died

I put my pants on everybody else

*opens up your fridge and sees you have 2% milk* hey bro you need to charge your milk

i’m so happy travis kelce proposed to my emotional support billionaire

baby cows are called calves bc it’s half a cow. half cow. calf. no more questions.

idk who needs to hear this but you’re gonna need a bigger bowl for that salad.

i always carry a knife with me in case i run into someone with 10,000 spoons

but they removed the cracker and the barrel what’s the point

i suspect my grandmother is in fight club bc she literally never talks about it. i’m on to you, bitch.