*ahem* i have scheduled this press conference to announce that i have made a major discovery. Many have said it was just a fable but i have found it: the kum n go that somehow always has a chaser inside.

at what age should you buy your cat an iphone?

Just came across this picture and well… y’all come eat.

my cat wakes up every day fully expecting an uninterrupted session of Cheese Time, even though Cheese Time has rarely occurred in her fifteen years of living because of her lactose intolerance and consequent diarrhea, and i wish i had this sort of optimism about my life

Esse é o futuro dos videogames com o DLSS 5

thinking about Crassus, the obscenely wealthy Roman who was enticed to invade Persia, without waiting for Senate approval, because he was lured by the idea of riches, and military glory, and how they poured molten gold down his throat when he failed for no real reason today good morning everyone

Senate dems have a chance to do THE FUNNIEST THING tomorrow

umm actually, neutrality means you're choosing the side of the milk hotel

Roses Are Red This Isn't Trivial

They shoulda never given me breasts. Im gonna get really irresponsible with these

That Trump neck thing? Seen it before. Interphasic parasites that feed on cellular peptides.

I am not really convinced that dishwasher rinse aid actually does anything but I'll keep filling that thirsty little hole

gimme those Montalbazongas. those Moundalbans. I want the Ricorbos

A tremendous loneliness comes over you. Everybody in the world is doing something without you.

RIP nancy reagan; you’d have loved the new $5 ikea hot dog

Don't give anything an Emmy until it's as good as this.

Second straight year a Drake has gotten absolutely humiliated at the Super Bowl

The Pats are really "serving punt" tonight! 😄🤣😭

the babysitter brought the baby a board book with pictures of babies and dogs in it and check out Baby Foster Wallace over here

So true

Not sure I'm gonna get along with my new coworker

getty images is short for spaghetti images. it later branched out to other kinds of images

It's that time of year again youtu.be/sjco86ekIlQ?...

At least I didn’t do anything super embarrassing like run for congress or become a weird Zionist about it

Congragulations

Nick singing Greg Bovino to the tune of Dan Bongino to the tune of Hallelujah.

oh to be a plump little kiwifruit with no visible signs of injury

Being John Malkovich with Big Naturals

Muffins spelled backwards is exactly what you do when you take them out of the oven.

eat the slop www.artnews.com/art-news/new...

Wishing you all power purrs and mega meow moments

The biggest mistake that guy who flew too close from the sun made was that he wanted to experience flying for himself. He would probably still be alive if he just experienced it through his father icariously

*hits vape* the relationship with santa & the elves is best described as a jollycule /send skeet/

Someone's not feeling very festive

“i’ve invented the worlds most inclusive slur”

Meet The Parents rule 63 with genderbent Robert de Niro sporting absolutely massive honkers: "I've got nipples Greg...can you milk me?"

Have you been injured in an accident involving a falling anvil, or running into a wall that someone had painted to look like a tunnel? Call the attorneys at

My green-eyed kitty, like a tuner, receives the signals of the world

A Zootopian Film

hey guys i made a seasonal meme

, lend me your queers;

Give Jamie Loftus a Golden Globe you cowards

Olivia Nuzzi watching Cocoon with a towel on the bed

ngl, i can actually find politics semi tolerable when it enters the messy bitch realm

we need a Democratic party for the left