United Healthcare has lost the mandate of heaven

Orioles head groundskeeper Nicole Sherry is leaving after 20 years at Camden Yards.

Definitely going to pick this up

wife: honey, ronnie's wife texted me that at the bachelor party you scooped out all your insides and replace them with clockwork parts to become the clockwork boy? (deafening ratcheting and clanking noises as my legs turn 180 degrees from my torso) me: ronnie's wife is a liar

Liquid snake voice: that’s right dear brother, everything you saw was a false flag. With unprecedented national support we moved forward with father’s final project. Witness Metal Gear Ballroom!

Finally some common sense!

Blofeld: I'm afraid you've They'd your last Them, Mist- I mean, um, Non-binary Bond: It's still Mr Bond, thank you

I'm deep down the rabbit hole on FROGFISH, 60 species of anglerfish in family Antennariidae. They are deeply, utterly WEIRD & MARVELOUS. Most walk on modified fins. Others use jet propulsion. Some are capable of air-breathing. Some are "hairy", others blend perfectly in sargassum.

Forgive me father, for I have libbed. I have libbed in my heart and in my mind, and I have libbed out in the chat

Ladies, if you're not bimbofying your man 2-3 times a week, this could happen to you too

"Emperor of Maladies" is about cancer? I'm sorry but that title belongs to humanity's greatest foe, the tummy ache.

Sounds great until they get stuck on there and you have to call the fire department to get them off

Many are saying no support for any Democrat candidate that doesn't call for immediate termination of all support for Israel

Guy sat up during his cath and put his head in the fluoroscope beam, like bruh quit mogging the heart!

Just saw the episode of the Pitt where the hospitalist came down to the ER and said they wouldn't admit a patient without getting a surgery consult first because the patient had a history of appendectomy 💀 I CANNOT, they did you nerds so dirty on that one lmao

This was an incredible treat: a visit to one of Diego Rivera's rarely seen murals, "The People's Demand for Better Health," located in a Mexico City public hospital and thus difficult to access. Completed in 1953, the mural is a sweeping visualization of forms of ancient & modern medicine (thread)

Well this certainly has potential!

the Black Panthers were right

Ayy last night your girl spontaneously appeared out of quantum fluctuations in zero point energy and was giving me head for a second, call that Boltzmann brain

collaborators suddenly realize that they could cancel their contract for a concentration camp after insisting it wasn’t possible. a world of fascists who have never felt pushback once in their life, suddenly stunned to see everyone hates them. makes you think! kansascitydefender.com/justice/plat...

No son, they are not "magically delicious." The workers made them delicious. This is a slogan meant to mystify the social conditions of labor

Man goes to doctor. Says, "doctor, I am so depressed. I only want to sleep all the time. I am always hungry and thirsty, and I spend all my time on the toilet urinating. My wife says my breath smells like sour milk. What can I do?" Doctor says "solution is simple. Go and see great clown Pagliacci,"

The Pats are really "serving punt" tonight! 😄🤣😭

I was never a fan of Musk, but it was when he inserted himself into the situation with the kids stuck in the cave when I realized "wow, this guy is a fucking moron!"

This is brilliant. I'm so grateful for this testimony. I've transcribed it to use in letters I'm writing. Sharing the full transcription here (see alt text to copy/paste it):

pharmacy closed? acetaminophen’s duration of action may be extended with ethanol sci-hub.ru/10.1016/0006...

KOKO THE GORILLA: koko send email. practical Koko type message Jeffrey Epstein: kooko... part y nex=t week coming>? KOKO: good email good koko give beautiful koko helicopter to jungle JE: kko, we cnt get u gorlluhh. endsong vits to is. Land KOKO: jealousy pedophile

Sentence this man to parole with credit for cunt served.

As an American business owner, you can refuse service to someone for any reason (remember the gay wedding cake?). The customer being affiliated with ICE seems like a pretty good reason. At least because your property might get damaged, if not for the obvious moral reasons.

Following the vandalism of at least 11 government vehicles or rentals driven by federal law enforcement at a hotel in Eagan, Minnesota last night, it's safe to say—you don't want to stay at a hotel that hosts ICE, or even park your vehicle there. You don't want to host them at your hotel, either.

Oh, my mitral valve leaflets are like a beautiful flower dancing in the breeze, and.. Wait, strep-brother, w-what are you doing??

Second, and probably most importantly, it's tactically wrong. "No point discussing political opposition to fascism, there won't be elections anyway" cedes victory to your enemies. It's defeatism and nihilism.

this probably felt so good for watto

It should be bigger news that masked agents were filmed hours ago removing potentially inculpatory evidence from the ICE shooter's house, clearly lacking evidence tags or chain of custody stickers. Before we have word on whether he underwent a toxicology screen at the hospital following the killing

The tragic death of Renee Nicole Good, a 37-year old mother fatally shot by ICE, shows that ICE can’t be reformed and must be abolished. I’ll be introducing the Abolish ICE Act as a step toward justice, accountability, and humanity in our immigration policy. Time to melt ICE.

Hundreds of people have packed into Chicago's Thalia Hall tonight for a community listening session on CPD collaboration with ICE/CBP. Police district councillors who gathered petition signatures required to hold tonight's hearing are opening by thanking the community for showing out.

via Minneapolis photographer Chris Juhn on Facebook

My wife only wants SEX! But I'm on nitrates for chest pain SHE WANTS ME DEAD! Click here to see my tight proximals 👈

Nah I was 23 once, and I specifically remember not wanting to sign up for the military because I didn't want to be compelled to commit immoral acts on behalf of my shitty government. Knew that since 16, actually. A mom who grew up in the age of the Iraq invasion knows better, she's lying to herself.

You can't just take the body roundness index out of context! You have to consider the rotundity score, the corpulence quotient, the Pickwick criteria, the enumeration of chins, and body roundness in a holistic gestalt! abcnews.go.com/Health/75-us...

Kocher? I barely know 'er! Trochar? I barely know 'ar! Get the hell out of your OR? I barely know 'Or! *The sound of a heavy stainless steel instrument striking me in the temple*

Listen here, TV commercial. Yes, I have a parasitic infection. No, I'm not going to tell my doctor. I ain't telling him SHIT!!

🤌

Every day is a gift. Some of them you stuff in the back of your closet, and then have to dig them out when Aunt Carol is in town and pretend to like them.

Listen, every day is a gift. Most of them don't come with gift receipts though.

My mother in law timed dinner perfectly to line up with half time. Brilliant

In Frankenstein, Viktor's father canes him across the face when he can't name the function of the tricuspid valve. This is also how I was trained.

Unstitching the Oil Prayer. #Art #DarkArt

NEW: Evanston has released video + reports surrounding a 10/31 incident where a CBP agent threatened to shoot people + another beat a handcuffed man. We found some disturbing X posts from one of the feds, also seen in other viral videos. His name is Timothy Donahue, and it's now public record:

Tap to jump, soar to victory! No install, runs smooth at 60fps, totally free. Perfect for killing time. 🕹️ https://beep8.org/b8/beep8.html?b8rom=9f77d0d57b00e286db160d374055e4e7.b8& #gameart #indiegame #indiegames #game #gamedev